Cast Blog: #MATCHMAKER

Embryo No-No

Making a Match: Crashing Chilli's Date!

Making a Match: Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford

Patti Turns NeNe's Bridesmaids to Brides

A Waste of a Good Mirror

Getting a Nice Guy for Rachel Uchitel

Breaking 'Matchmaker' History

Two Millionaires That Shouldn't Be Single

The Critical Dick Goes Home Alone

A Dorky Doc and a Hopeless Romantic

Carson Kressley, the Millionaire Whisperer

Patti's Vlog: Everyone Gets a Valentine!

Patti's Vlog: Patti's the Love Doctor

Patti's Vlog: Stefan Richter Tried to Date Patti!

A Bashful Beauty and a Not-So-Golden Oldie

A Shallow Old Dog and a Sweet River Rat

What Rosie Wants and a Gay Hugh Hefner

Great Expectations and the Running Man

Courtney Kerr and a Swedish Peacock

Sarcastic Cheban and a 'Man-diego' Bachelor

Sweetheart Swayze and a Virtual Phantom

Patti's Biggest, Most Tempting Mixer Yet

A Red-Hot Night for the Millionaires

Time for Some Spice: The Ginger Mixer!

Gaynor Gets the Girl (So Does Allison!)

Adam Gaynor Wins, Allison Baver Skates By

Patti Says Leave Boss at the Business

Chef K Wins One for the Lesbian Team

Mitch Berger, NFL Peter Pan, Grows Up

Johnny Out Sweets Yigit

Sweet Yigit Gets No Sugar on His Date

Just Robin Being Robin

Bye-Bye Bradley, Hello Kitty

Robin Kassner Gets Serious

The Rules According to Aimee

Matt "The Candy Man" Riviera

Time for Patti to Give Me a Raise

Skeet Shooting is a Bad Date Idea

Let the Man Be the Man on a Date

Irv's Nerve

Patti's Favorite Episode

Embryo No-No

Rachel thinks there's still hope for Doug, but Dave may be a lost cause. 

 

Could it be true? Are there really two men this week as clients? Hooray! Yes, we finally went back to our roots and had the pleasure of not dealing with crazy millionaire women. But wait, our sigh of relief only lasted for as long as this sentence, since we had yet again challenges on our hands.

Let's start on the lesser of the two evils with my client Doug. I do have to tell you Doug is believe it or not a really sweet guy and just needs MULTIPLE slaps upside the head and then he will be good to go! When we first met him and his tattoos, spray on abs, and four piece suits (who wears a vest, tie, and jacket?) we knew we were in for some work. Then he opened his mouth and all we heard was, "Blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, SEX, SEX, blah." Okay, now it's gone from some work to MAJOR work. Ladies and gentlemen we have a sex-a-holic in the house. Sorry Doug, but true story.

Doug's type, besides anything that has a hole, is exotic. Thanks to my whip cracking on Andreea, we had plenty of lovely exotic girls for "Sex Machine" to pick from. The goal was to try to break Doug of his sex happy ways and to focus at the mixer on getting know them on a mental, not physical, level. Oh yeah, and to show up with his shirt on. 

Now on to Destin's lecherous client David, who looked like Telly Sevalas and Uncle Fester's love child. If that doesn't give you the creeps I don't know what would. To make this icky guy even ickier, he involved his brother in the meet and greet with Patti. So now we have two love children! Dave's type was blonde, Jewish, hot (of course). Again Andreea found some wonderful girls for David to creep all over (poor girls). We really hoped the hidden ear piece and our Cyrano style would help him to be a gentleman and not scare them all away. 

The mixer was held at Greenhouse, one of the hot spots in Manhattan, and we had a gaggle of gals there that were perfect for our millionaires. We had such a blast talking in Doug and David's ears telling them what to do and say and how to act. We even used code words, it was magical! The mini dates for David with Ilene and Sharron were of course creepy but he chose wisely by picking Ilene a sweet, cute, Jewish girl. Doug's mini dates with Keren and "Rihanna" involved side boob. Ohhh Doug why won't you listen? In the end Doug chose Karen, which was perfect for him.

I'm going to bypass Doug's date with Keren because although it was a bit on the "too much" side, he did a great job. Slime ball David on the other hand, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? Let's see a trip to Grand Central Market then a pre set meal of embryos, sea urchin roe, and a glass of sweat from his shiny head? Isn't that what every girl dreams about on a first date? David says to Ilene, "You can and you will" eat this fermented embryo!  He was ordering her? Oh, hell no! He then proceeds to blame us? Here's my wrap up, Doug go attend a Nympho Anonymous meeting please so I can find you a great girl, because you've got promise. David, no woman likes to be talked to like some sort of slave. Next time you're in Grand Central please take the next train to Loserville where you can feast on all the embryos you want ALONE.