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After the TV show, I was actually inspired to create two new programs on dating. They’re titled, "9 Simple Steps to Being an Amazing Man and Making Any Woman Want You," and, "How to Take All the Fears and Freaks Out of Internet Dating." You can listen to some of them on my website, GaryCoxe.com.
Then, Patti thought what I was going to do on my date was, "freaky." OK, ladies: would you be offended if I gave you a French pedicure, massaged your feet, gave you a facial, and wrapped the evening up with some fine dining? Okay, maybe not on the first date.
Well, Jennifer loved it. She felt like a queen! Guys, listen up: ladies are NOT getting this type of attention enough. I think many ladies aren't being treated like queens because they've lowered their standards and are looking in the wrong places. Don't settle! Ever!
Season 5 Episode 7 was a prime example of two very common mistakes. On one hand, we had Steve, a guy who seemed great, sweet, successful, the works...but there were parts of his personal life that he still needed to work out. He showed us you can try to date and think you're ready, but until you've addressed all your personal challenges, missteps, etc. you can't truly be ready to take on a partner. On the other hand, we had Gary, a guy who thought he knew exactly what he wanted. He had a long laundry list of everything he thought his mate MUST have. Patti had him shorten it down to 5 and the woman he ended up falling for didn't even embody all 5! It's like I always say, write your list and then throw it out! As much as we think we know what we want, we don't really know! It's best to just stay open and let love find you!
Don't watch the show, but I thought this guy was over the top... if want to worship someone that's great, get to know them first but the foot massage on the first date... bizarre at best, that is not worship that was kind of controlling and freakish, women get enough of that walking down the street...
I have to tell you that as a woman, on a first date, if you are going to offer me spa pampering, I would prefer that you let the spa technicians do their job and we can enjoy dining later. That scene with you doing her pedicure was cringeworthy for me. Just a little too much on the first date, and maybe ever . . . I would be so terribly uncomfortable. Just too much in your face too soon, etc., etc., etc.
Gary, can I give you some advice from an older woman who is a Christian and have been happily married for 29 years? If you are serious about settling down and having a family, it will take a lot of work on your part to keep a relationship going. Most women who fall in love with a man want to be with them as much as possible and not be gone all of the time. You also cannot expect from a woman who you just met to want you to allow you to touch them (i.e. pedicure, facial, etc.)that makes them uncomfortable. You should not be talking about twin daughters right off the bat. That can drive any woman away. My advice, be plugged into a church, tone down the travelling some, get to know someone as a friend first and then take it from there. The most important thing you can do being a Christian man is asking the Lord to bring the right person in your life. Relax and trust Him and let it happen. It will most likely happen when you least expect it. Also some compromising on your list is needed too. No one is absolutely perfect. You do marry for better or worse and in sickness and in health. You must be committed to that when you do marry. All of that has worked for my husband and I and we have been the longest married in both of our families (parents included)and that is by the grace of God that we have been together this long. Remember relationships take work and not always jet setting around but spending quality time together and putting each other first. God bless you and hopefully that woman will be in your life soon.
OK some (hopefully) constructive cristicism for you Gary because ultimately, I don't think you're a bad guy but perhaps a bit misguided about women. (1) Yes women like to be pampered, by a spouse, boyfriend, close friend, someone they know and are comfortable with. Jennifer was a good sport but that 1st date was a bit too familiar (and I am no prude, but no one would be touching my feet, massaging me on a 1st date, it's just not the time). (2) Yes, you're a high-powered whatever-it-is-that-you-do (don't remember, not important to me) and I realize that your schedule would be more difficult to change than someone else's but to say that someone is going into "your world" and has to abide by your life (my words, not yours) is a bit arrogant, like the woman has no purpose other than to be your accessory. Sure, there are women that would be OK with that but not anyone with something between her ears. (3) First at the pedicure and then at the dinner, the talk about twin girls and ovaries--just ICKY. Especially on a first date. Its hard to understand why you wouldn't think that. (4) When Patti says that there aren't any gorgeous Christian/devout women, she is making a generalization but typically, women of deep faith tend to not dwell on appearance as a rule so it IS a generalization that is rooted in some truth. There may be a subservient Ivory Girl out there for you yet Gary but I'd say they're going to be difficult to find. Best of luck to you!
I'm watching this episode as I am typing this and I have to agree, the spa date was a little much. Having said that, I think the intent was to be romantic and attentive, and I will never knock a man who is trying to be romantic. On the other hand if you were massaging my feet and trying to locate my ovaries and even mumbled the words "baby girl twins" you would be picking my toenails out from between your teeth for the rest of the evening! :-)
Watched this with Gary Coxe on the show. It was amazing how many times I counted Gary using the word "I". Definitely think he is extremely selfish - it's all about his life and a woman fitting into his carved out world. The ironic thing is he is into "self-help"... don't see how his list of expectations would "help" any woman. I agree with the post above that says Gary needs to get in Church - get with GOD first, and throw the list away. If you are seeking God first, then HIS expectations for a Godly wife should matter the most to you, Gary!
Gary - listen to GoddessLu...she's pretty much on the money. Just a couple of additions though.. If you look at finding the woman of your dreams, as delegating, you would never attract me. The facial and foot massage - so wrong for a first date. If you look at it strictly as a woman stepping into YOUR world - you will never find someone that's complete. YOU can't complete someone!!!!
Gary seemed like an OK guy. But I'm a lot more interested in Jennifer and that amazing dress at the mixer. If she designs stuff like that I hope she plans on starting a fashion website, cuz whatever she's sellin', I'm buyin'.
Yes it was very intrusive to say the least....women do not want men seeing their beauty secrets and stripped down of their beauty while trying to keep themselves up. I am a lesbian and I would feel very uncomfortable if my first date consisted of this..these are things women do in private that is why they go to spa's with other women friends...they don't bring their husband's or boyfriend's much less a first date....and yes you are a control freak and you will never find a woman to fulfill your list...it is way way to long...LOL Be realistic or be alone the rest of your life...and I don't care how much money you have...you are not prince charming love...you are lucky to score a 6 when you're looking for a 20 on a scale of 1-10.....smell the coffee man...you are gonna be a loner the rest of your life and life without love is wasted!!!!
Gary needs to face up to his past and his part in the failures of his last two marriages. Also ask him about "borrowing" money from his second wife's grandparents, then refusing to repay them. When confronted, Gary brushed off the ill, elderly grandparents-in-law telling the grandfather that he and his wife are" old and don't need the money". No wonder he can't find love
I was shocked by Gary's behavior and stunned that he continues to defend it. He still doesn't understand how incredibly inappropriate he was. He made three references to his date giving him twin girls. Does he really think that's appropriate first date conversation? And what man in his right mind would make a creepy reference to a woman's ovaries on a first date? But perhaps the worst part was that poem in which he talked about wanting her to give him twin girls so he could paint their toenails too. Talk about red flags and alarm bells!! This made him sound like a pedophile. How can someone be a life coach and yet be so utterly clueless about basic social interaction?