Cast Blog: #MATCHMAKER

Robin Kassner Gets Serious

Making a Match: Crashing Chilli's Date!

Making a Match: Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford

Patti Turns NeNe's Bridesmaids to Brides

A Waste of a Good Mirror

Getting a Nice Guy for Rachel Uchitel

Breaking 'Matchmaker' History

Two Millionaires That Shouldn't Be Single

The Critical Dick Goes Home Alone

A Dorky Doc and a Hopeless Romantic

Carson Kressley, the Millionaire Whisperer

Patti's Vlog: Everyone Gets a Valentine!

Patti's Vlog: Patti's the Love Doctor

Patti's Vlog: Stefan Richter Tried to Date Patti!

A Bashful Beauty and a Not-So-Golden Oldie

A Shallow Old Dog and a Sweet River Rat

What Rosie Wants and a Gay Hugh Hefner

Great Expectations and the Running Man

Courtney Kerr and a Swedish Peacock

Sarcastic Cheban and a 'Man-diego' Bachelor

Sweetheart Swayze and a Virtual Phantom

Patti's Biggest, Most Tempting Mixer Yet

A Red-Hot Night for the Millionaires

Time for Some Spice: The Ginger Mixer!

Gaynor Gets the Girl (So Does Allison!)

Adam Gaynor Wins, Allison Baver Skates By

Patti Says Leave Boss at the Business

Chef K Wins One for the Lesbian Team

Mitch Berger, NFL Peter Pan, Grows Up

Johnny Out Sweets Yigit

Sweet Yigit Gets No Sugar on His Date

Just Robin Being Robin

Bye-Bye Bradley, Hello Kitty

The Rules According to Aimee

Matt "The Candy Man" Riviera

Time for Patti to Give Me a Raise

Skeet Shooting is a Bad Date Idea

Let the Man Be the Man on a Date

Irv's Nerve

Patti's Favorite Episode

My Favorite Client Ever

Robin Kassner Gets Serious

Patti shares the scoop on Robin Kassner's transformation and Bradley's failure to change.

Read Patti's full transcript after the jump:

Bradley's a lawyer and doctor who lives in an apartment in Brentwood; he has money, but he doesn't spend it on anything. He loves to talk about himself, and the ridiculous list of what he wants in a woman. He previously dated a client of mine named Stephanie, and he totally blew it.

Robin’s a previous client of mine, who on her last date got drunk, had sex too soon, and did all the wrong things. She went for the hunky plumber instead of a great cop, which was her downfall. She owns her own PR firm in New York City. She has bleached blonde hair, loves Hello Kitty, and everything she owns is pink. She’s back for one more chance at love.I met Bradley at his apartment. I’m worried that one of the reasons he’s blown it in the past is that he needs to spend a little cash on the girl, so I gave him a test, which is to by a girl something worth $500 at Tiffany’s. I met Robin at my favorite restaurant, Baja Cantina. Robin knows that she screwed up last time, and now wants to change. She’s ready for marriage and a baby. She also agrees to a full-on makeover, because the bleach needs to go. For Robin, I’m looking for sweet, career-minded guys that can cherish her, and for Bradley, I’m looking for the funny girls who can help get the attention away from himself, and put the focus back on the girl.

I needed to make sure Robin was on her best behavior, so I put a listening device in her ear, so she could listen to me if she got off track. My test for her was Anthony, the good-looking dancer. She did dance with him when he took his shirt off, but luckily, she ended up picking Joe and Dev for her mini-dates. I really liked this guy Joe for her: he was funny, he had a great personality, but for her master date, she chose Dev. Bradley started off by putting these girls to sleep, basically. After a quick chat with Destin and Rachel, he was able to talk to the girls and get to know them. He chose Nicole and Ester; for his master date, he chose Nicole.

For the first time ever, we had someone not show up for a date. No one could find Dev. We decided that since she did like Joe, that he could come to the rescue and take her on the date instead. They went on a Hollywood tour, then to dinner at the Four Seasons. Robin warmed up to him and they had great conversation, but in the end, I don’t think she went for him. Bradley took Nicole to an indoor trampoline place, which sounds like a great idea; he then took her to Primitiva for dinner, where they proceeded to talk about himself and offend her.

Robin did a good job. She’s unleashed a new side of her, which is amazing. She wants to explore her intellectual side, and see what kind of men she’s attracted to. But she and Joe didn’t go out again.

Bradley did a terrible job. He talked about himself the whole night, and instead of giving Nicole a gift, he gave her a donation, which in the end, it’s all about him again, so he’s been kicked OUT of the club.

Read more about:

A Waste of a Good Mirror

Patti hopes they master cloning so Justin can date himself, but she's ecstatic Michael let his inner nerd hang out.

Read Patti's full transcript after the jump!

OK. This was a week and a half!

My first client was great. Michael Sartain, an estate manager who lives in Vegas. He’s good looking, rich, polite. What’s wrong with him? Well I meet him and I realize, there really isn’t anything wrong with him. He’s stuck in Vegas, all he does is work. But it’s just not the kind of town where you’re basically going to meet a really nice girl. He goes out  to clubs, he meets club girls. He goes out to casinos, same thing same thing over and over again. This is the kind of guy who’s as comfortable walking down the strip as burying his nose in a science book. He’s really smart.  And nerdy things but he doesn’t think girls want to hear about that. He’s super super sexy science cute. That’s where I come in.

 

I tell him that the first rule to having a relationship is being yourself. And if you’re a guy who loves physics and astronomy, well you better not date a girl who wants to go out dancing every night. That’s just, stupid! You don’t have to be twins but you have to respect eachother. I told Michael that it was ok to let the inner nerd come out a little bit. And find out if that was acceptable to a girl. And he would have no problem!


On the other side of things, though, I’ve had one of my most annoying clients ever. Justin Ross Lee. J-R-L. The guy that makes narcissism look like a super power. He’s one of those guys that is just so in love with himself. Why don’t they finally master cloning and give him what he wants -- another him. Here’s the thing, with this guy he’s all bullsh--. I know he has money, he’s inherited a bunch form his parents. He’s all into the rich look and being pretentious. And if he doesn’t lose the act, and get real, he will never meet a woman he can be in a relationship with. If he really wants that, he’s so full of shit.

But I can’t say that I’m not going to try. I bring out all the tricks in my book. I ask him to nurture a plant and bring it to the mixer. He brings plastic. I ask him to lose the pretentious douche-wear. Putting on something fun and 70s for a disco mixer! He ignores me, he still wears Piccadilly pants.  I ask him to get real and actually lose his fake attitude, and ask the girls authentic questions, he acts like an asshole! So at some point, there’s not much more I can do to this guy. I can lead the horse to water, but I can't change him if he’s a horses a--.


The 70s disco mixer goes great. We’ve got like 10 disco balls and Michael’s totally into it wearing a huge wig, he’s great. Justin Ross Lee wears a stupid suit and his pocket square -- yuck. He’s getting on my nerves! I try to get him to be himself and he doesn’t f---ing budge. So I’m glad that we picked out a girl with a sense of humor who can take him down a notch. In the end he chooses Ariane and Alex. Two models, shocker, of course. For his mini dates and ends up with Arianne. Good -- shes not gonna put up with his f---ing bullsh--.

On the other side, Michael is letting his nerd hang out. He’s being honest and telling the girls what he loves to do. His science stuff. And you know what? They like him for who he is because he’s being honest about himself and telling them what he’s into. He picks two great girls. Cynthia and Andrea.

Michael takes her to a flight simulator thing where you can pick your own jet fighter and she loves it in the end, they’re shooting each other down like Top Gun and it’s super sexy. But he also brings his romantic side. He has a strong quartet playing for her and then he brings her to a nice romantic dinner where they really talk and get to know each other. And she responds to him. It goes great. That’s what happens when a guy listens to me!

Meanwhile Mr. Pretentious Jacka-- I’m An A--hole With My Pocket Square, gets a big yacht (meaning he has no penis) and he tries to wine and dine young Ariane, who knows he’s full of sh-- the moment he opens his mouth. And just like I suspected- he can’t keep his mouth closed for more than a second before he’s insulting her. He says he looked her up on Google, and she’s not really thirty, and she’s been lying to him. Now I know she’s really 35 -- I have her drivers license. When I screened Arianne, I saw that she was 35 which is on her paperwork -- that’s fine! That’s what I told him I was going to have at the mixer 30 and 35! I don’t really give a shit, because on the paperwork, she fit the bill for him to date. He’s rude to ask and he was a complete dick about it.

So we all know why Justin isn’t leaving my club with a girl on his arm: because Justin is in love with one thing, and that’s not money, that’s not blondes, that’s Justin. And I’m never going to set him up with a girl who’s as ugly as himself -- that’s for sure. The guy’s a waste of a good mirror. 

Read more about: