Cast Blog: #MATCHMAKER

Teddy Bears and Dr. Frankensteins

Making a Match: Patti Melts and Bravo Reunions

Making a Match: Speidi, Bad Guys & Playboy

Making a Match: The Real Perez and Sexy Sonja

Making a Match: Making Jill (and Ally) Happy

Making a Match: Crashing Chilli's Date!

Making a Match: Larry Birkhead & Melyssa Ford

Patti Turns NeNe's Bridesmaids to Brides

A Waste of a Good Mirror

Getting a Nice Guy for Rachel Uchitel

Breaking 'Matchmaker' History

Two Millionaires That Shouldn't Be Single

The Critical Dick Goes Home Alone

A Dorky Doc and a Hopeless Romantic

Carson Kressley, the Millionaire Whisperer

Patti's Vlog: Everyone Gets a Valentine!

Patti's Vlog: Patti's the Love Doctor

Patti's Vlog: Stefan Richter Tried to Date Patti!

A Bashful Beauty and a Not-So-Golden Oldie

A Shallow Old Dog and a Sweet River Rat

What Rosie Wants and a Gay Hugh Hefner

Great Expectations and the Running Man

Courtney Kerr and a Swedish Peacock

Sarcastic Cheban and a 'Man-diego' Bachelor

Sweetheart Swayze and a Virtual Phantom

Patti's Biggest, Most Tempting Mixer Yet

A Red-Hot Night for the Millionaires

Time for Some Spice: The Ginger Mixer!

Gaynor Gets the Girl (So Does Allison!)

Adam Gaynor Wins, Allison Baver Skates By

Patti Says Leave Boss at the Business

Chef K Wins One for the Lesbian Team

Mitch Berger, NFL Peter Pan, Grows Up

Johnny Out Sweets Yigit

Sweet Yigit Gets No Sugar on His Date

Just Robin Being Robin

Bye-Bye Bradley, Hello Kitty

Robin Kassner Gets Serious

The Rules According to Aimee

Matt "The Candy Man" Riviera

Time for Patti to Give Me a Raise

Teddy Bears and Dr. Frankensteins

Ep 2: Patti gives us the scoop on her two Millionaires, who couldn't have been more different.

Read Patti's full transcript after the jump!

This week we have Steve and Alex. Steve is from Queens. He’s got a hip-hop vibe, but he’s really a teddy bear inside. Alex is kind of Mr. Frankenstein. He does plastic surgery for a living but also does it on his girlfriends and his ex-wives.

I went to Steve in his house: he has gold records hanging everywhere, he has gold chains hanging off his neck, he’s wearing an Adidas sweatshirt; he’s totally the music manager experience. For Alex it’s not the same. I go to his house; he lives in a sterile castle. There’s not one thing out of place. He’s “perfection” in the plastic surgery department, which means that he likes to redo his girlfriends, his ex-wives, anyone he dates.

For Steve I’m looking for the Khourtney Kardashian look alike—you know the little cute little spinner type, a little attitude, dark hair, really smoldering skin. But for Alex, he’s looking for the Kate Beckinsale type. Hopefully he won’t want to re-do her face, because Kate’ face is perfect. At the mixer Steve looked amazing, he’s dressed great, and he picked Jessica and Lisa, but it was Jessica who won out in the end. At the mixer, Alex chose Courtney and Valerie, but in the end, Valerie won, and that was a great choice for him.

Steve took Jessica, his date, to a DJ academy and a really fabulous romantic Chinese dinner, and then there was this big kiss at the end, and they did fabulously; both people liked each other. So Alex’s date didn’t go as well. He took her to Café Azul, which is fantastic, but then he took her back to his home, which is a no-no of the Club. He brought her back for some dessert and brought in this crazy-ass girl to deliver it; turned out it was one of his ex-girlfriends- and she was running around scantily clad! This was a test, he says. A test for what? Valerie was heartbroken, because who would do this to someone on the first date!?

Steve did great. He found a girl who really loves his Queens-tough-teddy-bear side, and really wants to spend the rest of her life with him. But Alex? No so much. Alex did a horrible job. He not only brought another girl on the date, which is a no-no EVER, but he brought in a butt cake, which is so inappropriate. First of all, who brings another girl on a date? Second of all, who gives someone a butt cake? There is no help for this guy.

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Making a Match: The Real Perez and Sexy Sonja

Patti strips Mario Lavandeira of his Perez Hilton persona and takes Sonja Morgan's love life into her own hands with a secret weapon.

Season 8 of The Millionaire Matchmaker is one of the most dramatic ever. This time around, Patti Stanger is helping plenty of unlikely clients find love, from Larry Birkhead and 'Chili' Thomas to Stephanie Pratt.

Each week, we're asking Patti to weigh in on every episode in her exclusive vlog. She'll tackle the good (crashing Chilli's date), the bad (Sonja's fast-burning match Thomas)—and the hilarious (kicking Jill Zarin out!). This week, she talks about setting up RHONY's own Sonja Morgan, Perez Hilton, and more. Check out the latest episode vlog below and watch past episodes here.

 So this week I’m setting up Perez Hilton. I met Sonja Morgan and she’s from The Real Housewives of New York City. She’s got a high profile divorce from American royalty, aka J.P. Morgan. So Sonja wants a down to earth, really strong guy with money who can travel at a moment’s notice to New York. And Perez wants the ultimate husband. So this is a big deal. And because his reputation is so bad, I gotta find guys who will date him.

 We get down to Sonja’s guys and there’s Thomas and Kent, which end up being the last two guys that I really like. Thomas is super sexy and hot, a little overt, too much wanting to get into her pants. And then there’s Kent who’s so steady, he’s got four kids, he’s really rich, and more importantly, he’s kind of a slow burn -- whereas Thomas is a fast burn. 

 Now, we grab David and we go through the guys for Perez. It’s a blind date. So Perez and his date meet for the first time. I knew this was going to happen, everybody in the gay community, it’s such a small town, and everyong knows eachother. I was like aw, sh--. But, the good thing about it, Perez had a I really good time. I think that after Greg accepted Perez and didn’t make him feel bad about his past, and Perez realized that Greg was a really nice guy, they became friends. It wasn’t a love match, but his confidence soared. I think this was a real learning lesson.

Perez wants the ultimate husband. So this is a big deal. And because his reputation is so bad, I gotta find guys who will date him.

 Sonja chooses Thomas at the mixer and I was kinda bummed because I knew that Thomas was all sex and all talk no action. I had something else up my sleeve. Just to protect myself. So the secret weapon I had was Rocco Dispirito. Rocco Dispirito is a good friend of mine. He just had a new cookbook out and I thought, ‘What a great way to get to know someone if you cook with them!’ So me and Rocco were on a date, and Sonja and Thomas were on a date. And before I knew it, they were flirting and touching and kissing, and I was like, ‘Oh sh--, oh sh--.’ I decided to pull a switch.

 So I pull Kent in and Sonja’s in shock because she didn’t know she was getting two dates and not just one. And of course, Sonja being the flirt and Sagittarius that she is, she just rose to the occasion. Before long, they’re on a date and Thomas is out. It was romance dujour!