Mo-Roccan Me Crazy
Ep 9: Bravotv.com's Editor wonders why belly dancing couldn't solve Brandi and Adrienne's legal troubles.
Hello my Moroccan friends. Are you ready to belly dance your legal troubles away? Well, sadly you can't. But perhaps you can call someone and talk it out. Until then let's recap shall we.
Don’t Cry for Me Argen-Scheana
We open with the end of Brandi's meeting with the young Scheana. After that surely enjoyable conversation Brandi needed a drank. . .and luckily the 'Pump was there to provide. She poured Ms. Glanville one of her signature over-large glasses of rose and the girls gabbed it out.
It broke my heart to hear Brandi say that Eddie was the love of her life and to try her damnedest to be strong. Thankfully Lisa plied her with promises that Brandi was indeed her favorite and that she can always retire an old maid to her guest house. Uh, Lisa, I also need a place to retire as an old spinster. Do you have room for two?
Also can you blame Brandi for forcing Lisa to say that she was her favorite aloud? If I was in the company of Lisa and had the opportunity to for her to say nice things about me, I'd make her do it constantly. Like, every five minutes. "Lisa am I still your favorite?" "Yes, Kimberly please stop asking. It's not attractive to beg."
Next we see our own Dutch Martha Stewart trying to lure Kyle into a bee trap, er, her personal lemon grove. Yolanda has invited Kyle over to convince her to do the Master Cleanse with the freshest of lemons. Kyle, like most people, is completely full from the maple, cayenne, lemon combo (JK she's starving. Kyle -- I too would go home and eat a sandwich after quaffing that concoction). But I'll tell you who isn't hungry -– Kim! Why is that? Well apparently she's stood Yolanda up thrice for cleanse times. Kyle is still in a not delightful place with Kim, and apparently she's not the only on that feels that way.
At a meeting with her life coach, Kim discusses her relationship with her sister. She's trying to let her resentments go with Kyle, but she feels like Kyle is a different person since she got out of rehab and that they still have issues to settle. Let's hope these gals can meet over a Yolanda-approved juice and talk it out.
Level with me people. . . will anyone ever adore anyone else as much as Ken loves Lisa? Seriously, these Brits birds are so crazy for each other. Like build a heart-shaped flower bed for each other love. Yes, while Lisa was tasting some things at Villa Blanca, Ken and Rosie were desperately trying to assemble a rose-bedecked swing, miniature Giggy lounger, and precious flower bed for his lady.
In honor of their 30th, yes 30th, wedding anniversary, Ken made Lisa a beautiful swing he could push her in. Did you heart melt? No. OK, well I guess you are composed of stone. Don't even talk to me about how much I'm going to weep when these two renew their vows. I'm stockpiling on tissues now. It’s going to be Pandora's wedding times a thousand.
Mo-Rock Around the Clock
The crux of this episode is the ladies assembling for a Moroccan-themed dinner (I hope they learned the proper behaviors form their NYC sisters). Kyle is worried Marisa hasn't seen the ladies in their most positive light because of her dinner party, which is perhaps why she's so concerned that everyone has the proper panties on.
But even with everyone wearing their most appropriate kaftans, things were not going to go smoothly. Brandi arrives and announces that she knows Paul and Adrienne won't be attending because she heard from her lawyer. Lawyer you say? Ah, yes, Paul and Adrienne are threatening to sue Brandi as it turns out, lest she go to a meeting and sign an agreement saying she won't speak about certain things about them again. . . .
This talk is temporarily quieted when the rest of the ladies arrive -- and ask Kim if she remembers her plans to master cleanse with Yolanda. Kim doesn't recall this appointment, so perhaps someone master cleansed her datebook? Who knows? Anyway Kim wants to eat right now, and pepper might not be enough sustenance.
Pause belly dance break. . .
Perhaps because the moves have gotten her heart racing, Kim decides to take this floor-seated, tea-guzzling moment to talk to Kyle about their relationship. Kim doesn't want to hold grudges, so she apologizes. But Kyle's not ready to accept until she sees some more progress from her dear sister.
Thankfully Taylor interjects from that tension by wondering where exactly the group's waiter might be and where her Ken (or Lisa) might be. Unfortunately, this spirals into a conversation about Taylor dating, which crosses into Taylor's legal dramas, which crosses into Brandi’s legal dramas. . . and thus the whole Adrienne conversation is back on the table.
Surprisingly the person who is most vocal in the fight is Mauricio. He thinks Brandi needs to just call Adrienne up. Taylor thinks everyone should join hands and stay as long as it takes to work this out. And then Ken jumps in to defend Brandi, leading to a bro-fight that breaks my heart. Ken and Mauricio can't fight! They have to get along. They play tennis together. And then Lisa's pissed about selling stories. And then it's about Brandi’s kids. Basically the fight is about everything. Everyone is involved and it's awful.
Are you starting to wonder if there will ever be peace in the valley Hills? It seems we'll have to wait until next week to see. It looks like Mauricio tries to ply Ken with liquor to make up, so that's a start. Everyone likes a boozy gift right?
Until then, leave your thoughts on the feud in the comments. Do you think Brandi should have just called Adrienne? Or do you think it's a lawyer-to-lawyer problem now?