To a Terrible Tea
Ep 13: Bravotv.com's Editor imagines a tea party that isn't dramatic, but is served by handsome men.
Hello my little teapots. Here is my handle, let's pour the drama out.
We open this episode with Kyle having some problems with her auxiliary closet. As she struggles with how to get her rack in order (thankfully with Mauricio's help), she's also struggling with a bigger issue: her friendship with Lisa. Yes the former BFFs are having a tete-a-tete to discuss defenses and lack thereof. Lisa barely lets Kyle through the door before getting right into her ownership in SUR and all the various drama surrounds. Pour the lady a glass of rose first!
In the end, things are solved, but not exactly hunky dory solved. Lisa and Kyle's pal-dom seems forever altered: like a pair of traveling pants that perhaps has traveled too far or been hemmed too short. There's no going back to best friends breaking into a hotel room or taunting each other with llamas. It's a cordial, llama-free life for them.
Meanwhile in other semi-domesticated land animals and friendship news, Yolanda and Brandi are hanging out with some horses talking about lawsuits. Yolanda sadly can't afford to buy Bella all the ponies in the world (just the one), but what she can provide is support for Brandi. What does that mean? Well it doesn't mean back up at Lisa's upcoming tea party (sadly) but it did mean uttering a line I've been nervous to hear all season: "Who is Adrienne Maloof in this world?" Isn't this a question we could all ask ourselves daily? Who is Kim Moreau in this world? Someone who rates people's friendships based on llamas for a living, as it turns out.
And so the day of the tea arrives. Taylor arrives, vibrator in hand. Jax and Peter arrive, muscles for holding scones and non-tea-based beverages at the ready. Brandi arrives in time to give Taylor a tour of the grounds and do as we all would and imagine those grounds are her very own. And Kim, well Kim doesn't arrive because of an incident with her dog.
Let's talk about the splendid delivery of said news. Well now we know that Lisa Vanderpump has a black phone in her bathroom. And we know exactly how she looks when reacting to news that a friend can't attend her tea party for adults because a large, recently acquired dog has potentially undone an elective surgery.
Thankfully Kim is fine. And the party rolls on in her absence.
After Ken explains his non-discriminating beliefs to women lying down, Kyle and Adrienne arrive with Faye in tow. The madcap reaction to Faye's appearance was truly a delight. It was like the women had never seen a person before. Oh is that Faye!?! Quick run through a wall and leave a human sized imprint. Or duck behind something comically small.
The wackiness continued as the tea went on. Lisa, as she's wont to do, did her best to keep Brandi in line (you toast everyone!), but it wasn't Miss Glanville that needed minding. Taylor had a taste not for crumpets, but for trouble. So dropping a quick joke about gymnastics and liability insurance turned the whole evening over to antics quite quickly.
After creating a splendid diversion (carry that arrangement in here), Lisa tried to get things back on track. But it was all too late. The kettle boiled. And before you know it the talk of tweets, Bernie, and receipts was at a fever pitch.
Truly there was a lot to sort out. Who is suing who? What hell hath Bernie wrought? Where are Taylor's backflips? How cold was it that people resorted to wearing bathrobes? And it culminated in no answers, just Lisa desperately trying to get things on track by yelling, "it's over!"
And so the stars align for another White Party cloaked in tension. What will happen? Will someone be turned away? Will Kim Richards inquire, "Are you kidding me," again? Will we find out who Adrienne Maloof is in this world? Leave your guesses for next week's antics in the comments.