Is it just me, or is it getting more confusing and convoluted every time we sit down together? We are supposed to be breaking bread, but I think we’re closer to breaking each other’s necks!
Originally, I brought up Yolanda’s “bi-polar” comment (with Yolanda’s blessing, by the way) in an attempt to explain to Lisa R. how Yolanda still felt about everything. At lunch, it took on a different connotation. Kyle is right: “Putting it out there is putting it out there.” By Yolanda saying “she has too much class” to accuse Lisa R. of being bi-polar, she’s putting it out to the universe just as much as Lisa R. did about the Munchausen’s. After all of this, maybe now we can just call it a draw?
I’m sure I’m not alone when I say I was thrown for a loop watching the whole Erika and Kathryn situation unfold. The two of them had a lovely time at lunch. It looked like Kathryn was sincerely trying to get to know Erika. Erika divulged a lot of personal information about her grandmother’s death and her trust issues with women. Then she told Kathryn that Lisa V. likes to move things to her advantage from the sidelines, giving what she witnessed between Lisa V. and me in the Hamptons as one example. Kathryn volunteered to be Erika’s “first genuine woman friend.” Then Kathryn went to dinner with us, the same day, and told all of us that Erika said Lisa V. was manipulative. If that’s a “genuine woman friend,” I think I’ll take a fake friend any day! What was that? I like Kathryn, but I thought she was smarter, and kinder, than that.
After Kathryn shared what Erika said, I was trying to understand why Erika would say that about Lisa V. To me, the Hamptons situation made perfect sense, and it turned out I was right. As I said in this episode, it’s not about getting an apology anymore. It stopped being about that when I saw how Lisa V. dismissed my feelings when I initially told her I was uncomfortable. She acted like I was attacking her and admitted she thought I was still attacking her at dinner the second time around. That was never my intention. I suppose I am still trying to have some kind of a genuine relationship with her, and maybe that’s my second mistake. My first mistake was when I told her my feelings in the Hamptons.
I’m not a masochist (well, not completely anyway). At a certain point it was obvious I wasn’t getting anywhere. I told Lisa V. I’d let it go and I was ready to move on. After all, it was Lisa V. who said, “Maybe we will never get each other.” But once I’d dropped it, that’s when she wanted to talk about it! She accused me of sweeping everything under the rug (this from the woman who, 10 minutes prior, talked about ponies to evade the topic). When she wasn’t satisfied with my answer, she tried to make me quantify “how good” I was. It’s ridiculous and hypocritical that she had to be “really f---ing good to move on,” when all I’d been trying to do is find resolution the whole time myself. I can only surmise that resolution has to be solely on HER terms. Controlling much? Even worse than that, she implied that I was being “petty.” Personally, even if I don’t agree with them, I would never consider people’s feelings as petty. Oh, and speaking of being petty? Sorry about not bringing you that birthday card, Lisa!
So, my take away is: My thoughts, feelings, and resolution are not valid to Lisa V. But her own resolution and opinion are so important that she has to wag her finger at me to get me to tell her what she wants to hear. That is not friendship. That is a hostage situation. And despite the fact I could no longer engage in this maddening discussion, I see her in a new light because of it.