Hello my friends in Bravo land,
A new week, a new chapter in my life.
Sitting amongst Tupperware boxes and plenty of "things" to unpack in my new home, I realize how much "stuff" we consume over time. Stuff that at one point felt like things I wanted or needed seem insignificant in this moment. My needs are so different today...
Considering where I am at in my life, tonight's show was interesting... My Girlfriend was just sharing her new role with me in raising awareness in third world countries for education. My first thought was that these countries need food and medical care...and they do...but my whole experience with Lyme has also shown me that a lack of education is the root of so many issues today.
What I saw on the show tonight was just that: IGNORANCE. Maybe it should anger me, but instead it makes me want to fight harder and speak louder for those whose voices can't be heard. Those of you who have experienced chronic illness, you know what I'm talking about. What defines suffering? You will never hear someone who's walked in my shoes speak the way Taylor spoke on tonight's episode. I truly hope she never has to experience the journey she questions me for sharing.
Neuroborreliosis has severely compromised my brain function, and even though at times I feel down because of my inability to participate in life, depression is not my battle!
Happy selfie, sick selfie...that's exactly right. Every day is different, and I will not use my social media to convey anything but my truth. Bad days do exist in Beverly Hills, even though no one seems to dare share.
There are many times during this journey I've wondered why I wasn't given more to work with. Why Lyme? Why not a diagnosis with textbook answers and a cure? I will not apologize or make excuses for having an illness that is difficult for others to comprehend. What others say about me is not my problem. Before being a Housewife and suffering from a chronic illness, I was a Super Mom. Today I do the best that I can. I cheer from the sidelines, I watch from afar, but anyone who is a mother knows the frustration and inadequacy one feels when physically your health keeps you from participating in your children's lives with the strength you once had. I've missed my daughters' first runway shows, birthday parties, award shows, Anwar's football and soccer games. I have watched my own two children suffer in silence from this debilitating disease, so I have learned not to pass judgement but rather accept what I don't understand with compassion.
On that note and speaking about passion, a shoutout to my girlfriend Erica for making me laugh tonight. She's exactly who she says she is, makes no apologies, and I respect that.
Time to get back to my boxes...I know it's going to be a slow process, but I can't wait to make this new space feel like a happy home.
In the meantime I continue to stay focused on my children. Having made great strides in the past six months, I remain hopeful and determined for a healthy future with love, light, and gratitude in my heart, because I am beyond blessed after all...
Until next week,