This episode was an emotional roller-coaster beginning with Joanna and Romain's turbulent relationship, Ana's reality of her personal separation that now extends to her professional attachment, my struggles with starting a family, Lea’s heartbreaking loss of her beloved dog, Leroy, and the drama at Alexia’s dinner.
Speaking openly about miscarriages or anything this personal with a friend, let alone millions of onlookers, is a very difficult thing to do. I have kept so much to myself for the past few years, because I did not want to burden or have any one feel sorry for me. I also didn't want to speak about my issues in detail, because I did not feel the need to expose so much of my personal experience. I have opened up parts of my life to the world, but I reserve the right to have some privacy also. Part of the reason I decided to open up and discuss some of what I am going through is because I realized so many women have suffered the same issues. Miscarriages and conceiving is an issue that many women don't discuss, probably for the same emotions and reasons I had: embarrassment, sorrow, hopelessness, frustration, anger, and sadness. I hoped by being open I would at least help other women come to terms with their struggles.
Another reason I discussed it was because I so many people were asking why Lenny and I do not have a family yet after being together for five years, that I quite frankly became tired of avoiding the question. Hopefully now people will understand, and I won’t feel so much pressure. There are many options in today’s world that can help women bring a child into their lives, and believe me, we are trying everything. What a fantastic world we live in today where we have so many options.
I really felt like Karent had become someone I felt comfortable opening up to; she is very soothing, caring, and probably the one I trust and know the most. I feel as though she genuinely cares about me. I was very upset to hear she is feeling the same pressures to start her own family. This moment bonded us. I know that she would be an amazing mother, and it would be terrible if she did not start a family of her own also. I know in my heart that it’s just about timing for both of us, and god will bring us our blessings as soon as he sees fit. I’ve always felt that I am meant to be a mother in this life, and I truly believe everything happens for a reason.Moving on to a less depressing subject, we all gather at Alexia’s to try to make peace (although there was nothing peaceful about this dinner at all). I do not feel this meeting was meant to truly hear Karent’s side of what had happened with the Botox for brains article; it seemed like just another opportunity to cast dispersions on Karent and reprimand her. No one really gave Karent the floor. She could not get a word in edge wise. I even tried to defend her, but I couldn't get a word in either! How can we get anywhere if we don’t listen and give the other person a chance to explain? If I were Karent, I would have felt like a small child being reprimanded by my teacher and principals. She was also out of her element since the dinner was on Alexia’s turf, who also happens not to care for her. If it were me, and I could not state my side, I would have called everyone out for being bullies (which Joanna did) and hightailed it out of there. Karent is a much bigger person than me for handling herself with so much composure.
The whole reason we came together (to discuss the article) quickly turned into another heated argument between Joanna and Adriana, which ended in a fake truce. I believe they did that because they didn't want another WWE diva showdown. I told Joanna I think they are more alike than she wants to think, because they are both hot tempered, both stubborn, and neither will back down. I think the fake truce was the best decision, because we all wanted to call it a night since this was going nowhere fast. I of course always try to make everyone laugh or lighten the mood with my silliness. It obviously didn't work this time around. At least I tried!
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