I want to start by saying that I had every intention to finally tell the whole TRUE story of "The Book" after this final episode. I even had it written out weeks ago but I was unable to post it until now.
After really thinking about it I have changed my mind. I am TIRED of talking or even THINKING about this book. It was NEVER about the book in the first place. I am also writing this blog without watching the second half of the reunion show. I kind of know what went down because I was there. But you never know how things could be twisted to look a different way.
So what I am about to give you is what is in my heart.
I have never in my life been in such a bad place than I was during the filming of this show. I signed on for this show shortly after I read a book called The Power of Now. This book completely changed my life. I was quite honestly the happiest that I have ever been. I am not saying that I was unhappy before I read this, but I was not at peace with certain areas of my life. I had everything to be happy about, a beautiful healthy daughter, a husband that I love, a thriving career and a foundation for sick children that was so rewarding. But some things would bug me. I have always dealt with my fair share of negative comments mostly from people who didn't know me. To me this was mind-boggling. I woke up every morning with the intent to do nothing but good for myself and everyone around me. So to hear these CONSTANT comments and rumors were hurtful to say the least. I would always let that get to me...until I read this book. I am not saying that I am perfect, far from it, but I never would want to intentionally hurt ANYONE ever. I am sure that I made mistakes and said and did the wrong thing here and there but it was NEVER done with ill intentions. So WHAT'S my point in all this? I'm getting to it...LOL.
When Danielle and I had the initial falling out, it was the way in which she spoke to me that freaked me out. NEVER in my 36 years of life has anyone ever spoke to me like that. When I hung up the phone I sobbed. Not because of the content of the conversation, because she managed to bring out someone inside of me I didn't even know was there. It was a side of me I have never seen or heard. It was in that moment I decided this girl is NOT for me, she was toxic... I never want to go to that place again, and that is what I TRIED to do from that moment on.
Well that is pretty hard to do when you are in contract to do a show with someone...LOL. Every day I would hear more and more hurtful things this woman would say about me. It wasn't just your average "she's a bitch" or "she's a goldigger." It was some heavy hurtful stuff. I will NEVER go into detail with any of this. That would only give it LIFE. Why would I do something like that to rumors that were so outrageous and far the truth? If you notice I NEVER once in any of my interviews indulged the rumors about Danielle either. I would only comment on what I saw with my own eyes. The book was a fact, not a rumor and even then I only touched on it and said it seems she did some horrible things in her past, and again - SHE CHOSE TO BRING THIS BOOK PUBLIC.
I quickly found myself going to a negative place even before the cameras starting rolling because of this. That is when I decided to put out an olive branch to Danielle. I wrote her a very nice letter saying let's just agree to disagree on certain things, but show our daughters how grown woman should behave and treat one an other. Along with the letter I gave her a copy of The Power of Now.
Nothing...no response. I was shocked. All that followed was more anger towards me. It was so frustrating. I would try and go about my days working my ass off, dealing with my daughter growing up and my house falling apart. I had this CONSTANT thorn in my side named Danielle, fueled by a relationship with my sister-in-law Jacqueline that exploding in front of my eyes.
What people didn't know and cameras never caught is that Jacqueline and I didn't speak throughout most of the filming. If she had a problem with me as Danielle insinuated in the reunion PRE-Danielle, I had NO CLUE. If that were the case, why would I ever want to do this show with her? Why would I give her a fertility bracelet in hopes of her conceiving? Why would I give her a genuine hug her at CJ's birthday party? Why would she be invited to the first episode's girls' night out with MY girlfriends? But most importantly, why would I feel comfortable talking about Danielle WITH her? My problem with Jacqueline was because she continued a friendship with someone who had a mission to destroy me. It quickly became clear to me that Jacqueline was Team Danielle and that was hurtful beyond words for me. Jacqueline and I were friends, GOOD friends, not just sister-in-laws. It was also hurtful to my parents to see us fight. My brother Chris and I were as close as siblings could be. It was heartbreaking for them to watch this go down. At the same time, my battle between career and home life was weighing heavily on my mind, my mom was having serious surgery and the stress of filming was really getting to me.
I'm getting to my point I swear...LOL.
At the point of the "last supper" I was emotionally spent and so over this drama. Caroline DID NOT lie for me, and to see Jacqueline stand up against us was unfortunate. As I said, she was misinformed about who showed the book and I am sure her ill feelings towards me made her hear only what she wanted to hear at the time. Again, I want to stress the point that we have moved on from this and are totally in a good place now. I am not trying to rehash this at all - I just think it will explain a lot. WE ARE ALL GOOD AND THAT IS WHERE WE WILL STAY.
Now, the reunion. Some, including Caroline, Jacqueline and Teresa may be confused as to why I was so forgiving towards Danielle. NONE OF THEM were ever in my shoes. There were no attacks on them to the extreme that Danielle was attacking me behind the scenes. None of them were battling with family members over this. None of them were brought to such a bad place because of all this. At this point I just NEED everything to go away. Yes, it is true that Danielle did something recently, actually two things that were harmful to innocent people that didn't sign on for the show. Nothing ever became of it, she may have tried to do something, but it held no merit so it went nowhere. She is admitting that she was a broken person and has learned from this. It is not up to me to decide whether or not she is full of shit. I hope for the sake of her children that she has learned her lesson and what she is saying is true, but only time will tell. In the meantime, all I want is what I have only wanted from the beginning. You go your way; I go mine and just wish each other the best.
Now, here's my point of paragraph two. I am back to a good place. The place where it doesn't matter to me what toxic people think. I don't care if some don't believe me about the book, I don't care if some think I am a bitch, I don't care if some think I hide behind the protection of my siblings. I don't care if some believe or start rumors about me. I know the truth. I know who I am and I am proud of who I am. More importantly my daughter, my husband and my parents are proud of who I am. I put my head on my pillow at night and as I count my blessings, I know that I lived that day giving back the best way I could. Loving my family and my friends...those I truly care about and what they think. I have to thank some of the Housewives fans for their part in this. Those who have reached out with well wishes and kind words - keep spreading the love. You are awesome. Those who have nasty things to say, I have learned from you too. You have reminded me that only I could let those words affect me. I chose not to let them. : ) All my best,
Quick answers to some fan questions:
I get all my skin care from Town&Country in Ridgewood, NJ Darphin is my favorite.
My glasses from the Atlantic City scene are actually Gucci not Dior. (Ooops.)
The horse picture in the scene with my brother (for the celeb) is from Melaniesnowhite.com.
The fertility bracelet I bought Jacqueline is from ZenJewelz.com
My favorite tops and dresses worn on the show will be for sale on eBay soon to benefit Project Ladybug.
Most are Alice and Olivia, LaRock, Tori Burch and Kay Unger.
I usually only wear Carmex lip balm...no lipstick.
I will be bringing you some of my favorite line's of clothing and home decor on InaJolie.com.
Ladybug tee's and gifts seen on the show will be for sale on www.projectladybug.org soon of course all proceeds go to the cause!