Cold and Hard

Teresa talks Danielle's breast augmentation, her "wackadoo" party planner, and next week's showdown.

 

Hello sweethearts!

I have to start by thanking you all for being such wonderful, amazing, supportive friends. I love, love, love you all! Thank you so much for making my book Skinny Italian so successful! If you can’t find it at your local bookstore, it’s in the Bravo Shop. I’m still traveling the country for book signings and appearances, so check my website to see if I’m coming to your hometown. I’d love to meet you! www.teresagiudice.com

Also, the "Fabulous" shirt I was wearing on this episode— along with the jewelry, watches and hair accessories me and my girls wear — are available for sale on my website.

Can you believe we’re already eight weeks into the season? And believe me, it’s only starting to heat up!

I’m disappointed that Danielle’s blog continues to be just a boring, fake bunch of nonsense. She writes about love and light, but has no problem bashing us all on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen.

Andy’s face when Danielle was singing was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. Danielle doesn’t have as bad a voice as Kim or LuAnn, but she certainly doesn’t have a good enough one to release a record. But was it just me, or did you guys think she was about to start making out with that girl at the piano? So she’s a lesbian now? I wouldn’t be surprised.

The only thing we really saw Danielle doing this episode was getting her "bubbies gone bad" redone for the FOURTH time. Ouch. She said her bubbies were "hard" and "cold." Her doctor said she had "one of the biggest deformities ever." We’ll just let that speak for itself. I’m sure her surgeon was wonderful, but I would never go under the knife at a place that couldn’t even keep the lights in its logo correctly lit. Sketchy.

 

I’m not buying the whole "new person" thing either, obviously. She’s trying to finally get "comfortable" with her body? I think when you make multiple sex tapes and videotape yourself masturbating and send it to your boyfriend, you’re already pretty comfortable with your body. Imagine what she’s going to do next NOW that she’s finally comfortable. Oh yeah, we already know. Turn lesbian.

I was glad to see Ashley come back home. She needs her mama and Chris is such a great dad. And wasn’t it great to see tough Caroline all emotional about her kids? So real and so touching. Loved it.

I know you all want me to comment on the two Kims, but I don’t have too much to say yet. They seem a little two-faced and like they are playing both sides. I’m going to wait and see what they say about me in future episodes...

It was sad to see only four of us in the opening credits (especially compared to the seven ladies in the New York credits!) We need a new Housewife to replace Dina, yes? I vote ... Elvira!

I know, I know, she’s a "whackadoodle" as Bethenny puts it. (Yes, that was Elvira on Bethenny Getting Married last week!) But that's what makes her fun. She makes me laugh. She’s off-the-wall and I’m over-the-top, so we complement each other. She is an amazing party planner too.

And no, I still do not have nannies or chefs or drivers or any live-ins. I’m old school. I like to do things like raise my own kids myself.

Yes, I really did invite Kim G. at the last minute because Jacqueline called and asked me to. I am nice like that.

 

Did you see me and Joe dancing? I thought it was funny that Ashley said we were still like college kids. He still looks that way to me. Even though he’s 40, he looks like he’s in his 20s to me. I’m as attracted to him now after 10 years of marriage as I was the first day I met him. How lucky and wonderful is that? I’m so blessed to have such a great family. It’s not easy, of course. Marriage takes work. But he’s my best friend. I don’t have a sister so I tell him everything. He’s a great father and a great guy.

So in the very first scene of this episode, you see me, Jacqueline, and Caroline missing Dina and talking about who Danielle is going to go after next. I’ll give you one guess...I was serious when I said "Try me, bitch." And she does. If you notice, Danielle and I haven’t been in the same place all season. Next week, you will see what happens when we finally cross paths. Buckle up!

Tanti Baci,
Teresa

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