Jay Mohr

Jay Mohr wants to be a Gorga kid next Christmas.

on Jul 31, 20110

The Manzos are serving food and HOLY SMOKES there are a lot of Manzos. They’re like the Italian Gosselins. Every one was there. I saw Cookie and Frannie and Albie and Chris and Chris and Blitzen and Donner and Latoya and Randy and even Uncle Lou. Uncle Lou Manzo gets up to give a toast. He gives one of the most heartfelt and touching toasts I’ve seen. It’s unfortunate that Ashley and Chris spent that time texting in their votes to So You Think You Can Dance instead of listening to good old Uncle Lou.
  
While Uncle Lou is toasting his love and pride for his family, Teresa is guilt tripping hers. She is really laying it on thick with Joey. She keeps telling her brother how sad Antonia is and how the kids can’t take him and Melissa leaving. In her interview, Teresa incredibly drops the “My parents aren’t going to be alive much longer” card. Teresa is coming undone. She is back to the Baby Jane Teresa that was so fun to watch when she was writing Joey’s note a few weeks ago. As the Gorgas are making their way to the exit, Joe Giudice is sitting with his father and Duma and they are doing shots of red wine. Maybe those weren’t shots. Maybe those were regular sized glasses and all three men have super enormous hands. Maybe I need more sleep.
 
Back at Casa De Manzo, Albert comes home from work (there are now two Christophers and two Alberts, Randy and Blitzen left). Even after the Manzo party, there is enough food on the table to feed the cast of Precious. It must have been a blow out of a party because some little kid is passed out drunk on the couch.

Lil’ Chris is outside trying to play Santa for the kids. It’s a Manzo family tradition that someone goes outside and makes Santa noises. This year Lil’ Chris has the honor and the eggnog must have made him a step slow, because C.J. isn’t fooled at all. I was afraid that Jacqueline and Albert and Chris were going to turn poor C.J. into a crazy person. They keep telling him, “Hey! WE can hear Santa’s bells outside!” C.J. suddenly turns into a tiny Columbo and says, “NO, there is a person laying on the grass under the deck ringing bells.” When the family tells him that he is wrong and that it is Santa he is hearing, C.J. walks to the window and says, “No, RIGHT THERE…I SEE HIM!” We cut to Chris laying on the ground next to the deck covered in grass and dog crap ringing sleigh bells like he’s in a shake weight commercial. You can’t trick C.J.

154 comments
Suzielicious
Suzielicious

Glad to see that you were able to spell Soul Diggaz right this time. Funny how that one never made it past the censors. Oh well...

Suzielicious
Suzielicious

Nice recap. It's a recap, folks, not the second coming of Christ.

Marie1492
Marie1492

LOL. Susan Surandon is Italian.

CubanDiva
CubanDiva

Jay....I cant get enough of your blog!!! "CAROLINE'S GETTING WACKED" coment killed me! I laughed so hard it woke up my husband (I was in the living room!)Always loved Jersey Housewives, but with your blogs... I'M COMPLETE!!! Thanks Jay! btw...My husband and I loved "Gary Unmarried"...what a shame:(

zetabug
zetabug

Jay, you make me laugh out loud! Classic - Joseph opens one of his gifts, which I think is a snow vest from the planet Hoth in ‘The Empire Strikes Back.’ He says “sick” but I think he means, “A vest? You guys make me sick.” HA HA!!!!! Caroline getting wacked and Jesus' birthday, you nailed it. I made my husband watch the other night just so he could read your blog. Keep it up!

Northern Californ-i-a
Northern Californ-i-a

I really enjoy your writing. I rarely laugh out laugh when reading, but you are an exception. Thank you.

SB from HB
SB from HB

Jay You are hyserical! Laughed my A** off reading your blog! I never comment on these things, but had to as you left out the fact that Joe Giudice, ON CHRISTMAS MORNING, was laying on the couch (most likely hungover) pointing the camera over the couch to catch a video of his daughters opening presents...WTF? I really do feel sorry for the guy, but it's xmas for god's sake! He couldn't get his A** off the couch or perhaps sit up to take a proper picture or video? I was actually laughing at the absurdity, but now I think it is rather sad!! I am sure your spin on it would have been hysterical!

HOVA
HOVA

Love, love, love your blog! I can't wait to read it each week! You are one funny and insightful dude, Jay Mohr.

 Donna L
Donna L

Melissa started first when she told Teresa how short her skirt was...did Noone hear that?? They both should've not said anything at all and kept it friendly!

G brown
G brown

"CAROLINE GETTING WHACKED" cracked me up. First time reading your blog. Love it

mk2blue
mk2blue

Hahahahahhahahahahaha! Thanx!

Double T
Double T

As always, excellent!! Love reading your blogs Jay!

Maria Concheetya
Maria Concheetya

Spot on my man, spot on! All I can Do Is Love was just added to iTunes today---go get it-I did!

Smora
Smora

Rotflmao!!!! Luv the fact u said Grapes street Crips and Cremshaw mafia!! Jay you are straight gangsta!!

Ciaokc
Ciaokc

Have read this blog 3 times in 2 days.... I feel like I'm studying or a history class! The best blog on the site!! Love it!!

Florida Girl LW
Florida Girl LW

OMG! You hit the nail on the head! Funny blog! Thanks for the laugh!

Michelenj
Michelenj

Jay should only blog about rhonj because he is from New Jersey. Get it?

jgirl
jgirl

LUV U JAY. EXACTLY WHAT I AM THINKING - YOU NAILED IT!

AussieGirl
AussieGirl

I LOVE your blog ...the part about (not so smooth) Albie Manzo and Alexa Ray Joel made me laugh so hard I peed a little!!

desimommy
desimommy

Jay Maybe third time is the charm, You seem to take Teresa side alot. Are you on her side because producers told you to appease her to stay in contract or something? Or because you are scared of her husband? No mention of his nasty remarks at all..if the tables were turn you would have been all over it.

Joey Gorga has evolved into a well liked character..not the caricature you continue to write about. Nice guy maybe a little too generous with the gifts though.

Wakiles class act family. Ashley is boring already as you said.Chris is a great father.

desimommy
desimommy

Jay Maybe third time is the charm, You seem to take Teresa side alot. Are you on her side because producers told you to appease her to stay in contract or something? Or because you are scared of her husband? No mention of his nasty remarks at all..if the tables were turn you would have been all over it.

Joey Gorga has evolved into a well liked character..not the caricature you continue to write about. Nice guy maybe a little too generous with the gifts though.

Wakiles class act family. Ashley is boring already as you said.Chris is a great father.

Sally J
Sally J

Great blog, Jay. Wish you would give Teresa the Ashley treatment, not sure why you're in love with her (or just scared of her hubby?) So uncalled for to keep calling her a witch. And last week Joe was the one who said he was uncomfortable with Joe Gu's family and didn't want to go, but Melissa said they would, and Joe was the one who said they were only going to stay 30 minutes, so why is everyone blaming Melissa for them leaving?! Brother Joe seemed very sincere that he wanted to go to Kathy's, and considering what husband Joe was saying about him and Melissa RIGHT behind their back, who could blame him? Some of you posters have very short term memories. Please give brother Joe some credit for the words that come out of his mouth are from him, and not spoon fed from Melissa. I applauded him for trying to get Teresa to back off of Kathy. (also, Joe and Teresa's father was just dropping by without notice, so she wasn't home, she wasn't NOT letting him in! You can't blame her for that when she doesn't even know he's stopping by).

Speaking of Kathy, what a touching scene with her kids. Wow! She really raised them right. Her desserts look amazing, hope her business goes well.

When Joe was showing Melissa the studio, all I could think of was who is watching the kids?

josie78
josie78

"Back at the Gorga’s, somehow Joey has given Melissa a completed recording studio as her big gift. Let’s face it. Isn’t this a gift for all of us? I’d like to think so."

This is the funniest thing I've read in weeks. I literally spit my drink out when I got there. Thank you, Jay!!! And, Bravo, when is Jay getting his own show?!

ND Housewives Fan
ND Housewives Fan

Haha!! Enough food for the cast of Precious, the best line I have heard!

gretchentexas
gretchentexas

“CAROLINE’S GETTING WACKED!” ......I can usually keep my composure, but I had a LOL moment right there. Thanks!

Stefanie N.
Stefanie N.

Havent had a chance to read your blog but I did see you fill in for Andy the other night, and omg, I miss you so on TV. Loved Gary Unmarried too bad it's gone. Your funny Jay! Keep it up!

fussygirl
fussygirl

Love you.

it hurts me too to see that Joe Gorga just doesn't care how much he is a pain for his parents He is a good fathers but he isn't a good child...it make me sad for the Gorgas. Joe is the one that doesn't enjoy his own family not Melissa, I got it! Has nothing to do with Theresa or her husband, he is always looking for a excuse not to enjoy them, but He'll regret that!

Viewer
Viewer

I have got to STOP reading your blogs at work. You are too funny! I luv, luv, luff you! :')

riHousewife
riHousewife

Thank you so much for my morning laugh. I love love love you and your blogs. Spot on too!!! I agree you should be part of the reunion. Maybe commenting between segments and sitting in at the end. Is NJ the only one you will follow, I will miss you when it ends.

JS from SC
JS from SC

Absolute hilarity! You are such an amazing observer and, as always, laugh-out-loud funny.

lovingjaymohr&more
lovingjaymohr&more

First and foremost, the description of the fish made me spit my water on my comforter. For the first time I read your blog before I watched the episode. It only made the experience better. I was anxiously awaiting the footage of the fish and Richie's fingers. I noticed his hands are like baby hands. It looks like he has never labored a day in his life. He might have some gnarled up fingers but they are silky smooth and manicured. There were a few things I'm surprised didn't come up in your assessment of the episode. For one, Jaqueline's boob shot.. WOah. I also liked Melissa's excuse for not having sex cause it was Jesus' birthday. In fact, I think she is the first person to justify spending ridiculous amounts of money for his birthday too. Don't get me wrong, she just gave me a new comeback next time I go crazy buying gifts for Christmas. I guess Jesus didn't want them to spend any money on helping Joey Gorgas' struggling sister out.

natural disaster
natural disaster

Was anyone else freaked out by the snow thing? There wasn't snow in Jersey for Christmas--the big storm came the next day. The scene where Albert & Caroline were driving to the underpass was making my head spin. The long shot of the car showed it driving with snow on the ground. The shots from the interior of the car clearly show no snow outside on the ground, as it was when they got out of the car under Rt 80. Those editors must have been drunk while putting that episode together!

Wendy Pallotta
Wendy Pallotta

You are wicked spot-on with every comment! Love you, Jay!

ab123
ab123

I don't think I have laughed this hard in a while! You are spot on, though!! Thanks!!!!

janet p
janet p

I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Thank You for this blog.

Mary Jane
Mary Jane

This blog is genius! I had to come here & post after watching some less than enthusiastic guests on WWHL. Your observations & humor are so spot on and hilarious that I find myself watching scenes wondering what you're going to say about them. I love that you aren't ashamed to admit that you watch every week. Thank you for writing this!

A Real Housewife in NJ
A Real Housewife in NJ

Lil' Chris lying in dog poop shaking the bells like they were shake weights. Classic. Thanks for dropping north Jersey locales in your blog, Jay! I was thinking that was Clifton, too where Albert pulled over to propose to Caroline. :-)

JEM1
JEM1

Just the sight of Christmas morning with Teressa's Joe shirtless and hung over attempting to take a video of the children opening their presents as he simply holds the camera over the top of the sofa he is ensconsed upon is enough holiday spirit for me!! Love your comments...spot on.

Stampinsundevil
Stampinsundevil

What's up with the furry sleeping eye mask Melissa wore all day?? She even put them back on after putting the headphones on in her new recording studio!

Stampinsundevil
Stampinsundevil

Hey Jay!! Love all your comments...they are definitely spot on and hilarious! I too noticed how baby Joey is the spittin' of his grandfather--amazing the resemblance! I only use to watch the OC and Beverly Hills housewives but started watching New Jersey because of your blog!! I am actually a Jersey girl but left when I was 3 back in the very early 70's. Hoping to make it out to your Phoenix show in September if I can afford tickets!

stefb
stefb

Was that fake snow on Christmas Day? I remember the big snow storm came the day after Christmas in NJ

Erica C
Erica C

So, I feel really bad. Last night my husband and I went to bed at 11pm, big whoop, but drank all day and husband had to get up at 6am. Read your Blogs on iPad in bed and LMMFAO. My husband did not think I was that funny, but it was worth the Joe Guidice (however the hell you spell it) comments from my husband. I just want you to know that I am glad that "people that matter" know how funny your ass is. (ending sentance with prep....bad) Andy, keep him on forever and give him his own show while you are at it. (prep) WTF

Cindy F
Cindy F

Jay, laughing out loud again at your blog. Bravo needs to have you blog on ALL the other Housewives shows too. I would love to hear your take on Ramona, Jill, NeNe, and all the rest. Love you Jay!!