Jay Mohr

Jay Mohr expounds upon the magnificence of Joe Giudice's splits.

on Jun 26, 2011

Back at the Gorga house, Joe and Melissa are about to walk out the door to go to the dance recital. Melissa is wearing a pretty red dress and Joe Gorga tries to give her some of his poison. He says, "You know what red does to me!" That's proof that he is an actual bull. He sees red and he has to charge. Joey grabs Melissa's rear end as they walk towards the front door, and as they walk out of the house, he has a video camera and is actually filming Melissa's ass. He really is an ass man. In the car Joey Gorga says to Melissa, "I'm your father." I hope not. You were just grabbing her ass! (By the way, this has happened several times over the season. I couldn't keep ignoring it.)

Back at the cabin it's dinnertime, and Caroline is grossed out by the roasted pig. I feel bad for roasted pigs, because they never get to finish their apple. Shortly after the roasted pig, Chris brings out a roasted lamb that looks like it's still smiling. Chris then beheads the lamb and pokes Caroline in the back with it. I almost puked watching this, because it looked like there were tubes hanging out of the roasted lambs head. Was the lamb on dialysis before he got killed? Teresa then lands the funniest line of the season when she says, "Come have some lasagna, it wasn't running around." It's meat lasagna, so it actually was running around, just not as recently.

The comedy gods smile on us during this segment. The gang starts talking about whether or not Joe Giudice can still do the splits. Suddenly a picture of Joe Giudice appears from the heavens. In the photo he has a mustache and smile like Borat, and he is doing the splits while wearing orange dolphin shorts. In the photo, Joe Giudice isn't doing the splits on a floor. He is doing the splits with his toes on a railing. It looks like he is suspended there with marionette strings. Wherever he is, whether it's under a boardwalk or an overpass on the highway, the ground is covered with so much bird crap that it looks like snow. In short, this is the greatest picture that has ever been taken. If I had to, I would choose this picture over the Zapruder film.