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Season 2
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View All PostsJay Mohr
Deliverance
Jay Mohr expounds upon the magnificence of Joe Giudice's splits.
Jun 26, 2011Joe and Jacqueline immediately get into a split contest on the kitchen floor in the cabin. Jacqueline is impressive and just drops it like it's hot right then and there. After that, somehow, inexplicably Joe Giudice follows her down. Wearing work boots and Guess Jeans, Joe Giudice slowly but ever so surely winds up in a split. This may be the greatest moment of the season. Joe says, "It's been twenty years!" Lets hope it isn't another twenty. Joe Giudice doing the splits in Guess Jeans while wearing work boots is the most disturbing/greatest thing I have ever seen. It's more alarming than drunk people with fire arms and a headless pig with tubes COMBINED. If the producers were smart, they would put Joe Giudice doing the splits in the opening credits every week. They should even do it for the Housewives shows he isn't on. It would be amazing to cut from Camille Grammar to Lisa VanderPump then straight to Joe Giudice doing the splits in dolphin shorts with a Borat mustache. As we go to commercial, Chris says to Joe, "You spread easy!" Joe simply replies, "I do." This is probably an exchange born out of another awkward conversation between the guys.
The gang decides that after a long night of drinking they should all go out and ride quads. Thankfully no one got hurt. Joe Giudice warns Teresa, "There are bears out here!" Yes there are Joe. They're driving quads. Joe also says, "I wanna pop a wheelie." After he says this, I wonder if he is speaking in code and Teresa will have to take out the penis ring.
Back to civilization, we are inside the dance studio for Antonia's holiday dance. Only in New Jersey would a holiday dance have an open bar and a disco ball. Richie and crew roll in looking fabulous. Teresa and Joey's mother is there looking stunning as well. Joey immediately takes his mother out onto the dance floor and spins her and dips her enough that the rest of the family becomes a little alarmed. It looks more like a mugging than a dance. Joey looks so damn happy for the first time since the show started. Teresa is so happy with everyone else up in the woods, maybe she and Joey SHOULDN'T get back together. They are both so happy apart. Eventually an Italian Andy Cohen comes out onto the dance floor and starts the show. The first dance is some type of Turkish number. After that some woman older than Kim G. comes out and does some freakishly bizarre feathered boa dance. Richie leans over and says, "I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone!" The dances keep getting weirder until finally Melissa announces, "This is her! Put the camera on!" Then an enormous black guy walks out, and I begin to wonder if we are all in the Twilight Zone. Antonia comes out and does her dance, and she is so good that G to the ia better start watching her back. This may evolve into a full-fledged family dance battle. I think in her interview Melissa said the word, "Fustrated," but who cares, Joe Giudice did the splits!
Your review was spot on, as usual. One good thing about this episode was - NO ASHLEY AGAIN - WOO HOO.
Oh, Jay Mohr! You are hilarious! Thank you for the best belly laughs I have had all week. Love your material.
As usual, your blog was spot on. One good thing about this episode is NO ASHLEY AGAIN - woo hoo. I'm beginning to worry that Jacqueline has a serious drinking problem. I also thought all of them at the cabin behaved poorly (except Caroline) - how many people were there and how many bedrooms did this place have - there were enough people there to fill a hotel.
I actually look more forward to your blogs than the actual show now. Keep them coming!
Your..most..awesome..blog..yet..Iam dying laughing. Thank you.. I wanna do a split Iam so happy Jay. Bravo better keep you.
Best part of my Sunday nights? Your blog. Best part of the show? No Ashley - Jaqueline asked you to say something positive about her on WWHL. Please don't.
Hahaha. Amused as always.
You were easy on them this week! Maybe it was because of the splits?
Your blog makes me cry every week it is so funny and this one did not disappoint. After "calm as a whistle" it was hard to continue. Debbie
omg u crack me up..i love love love u...i couldnt have said it better...i agree on everything u just said
Hysterical as always! Can you blog NY too ? Dying to get you take on the VanKempens
lOL... I love reading this before I watch...so very funny,
I love it! This episode had so much to offer you for your blog! and you came through funny as ever, or funnier even! Yes, Joe Guidice doing the splits, what more could we want?
Again, I have laughed till I cried at your blog. I so look forward to it each week. Side note, have you noticed that Melissa has gone from "praise Jesus" to person on her shoulder saying "bull$%^&"? But hey, who cares? I can't do the splits anymore, can you? Love you, Jay!
Bestest blog yet! I cannot even count how many times I laughed outloud! Cannot wait to read it again!
You are absolutely HILARIOUS! I LOVE your blogs!! Can't wait to read the next one!!
i am only watching this season to see what you'll write....
Beautiful!
i am only watching this season to see what you'll write....
Great post! I hope you jest about Joe Gorga's "beautiful eyes"! He reminds me of one of the Lollypop Guild Guys in the Wizard of OZ. I am so sick of his "me so horny act" too. Gross!!
Blogging gold Mr Hollywood!
OMG, OMG I couldnt stop laughing! You're the best and you really understand a north Jerseyan ( a BENNIE)
You had me at "the last draw". I think from now on I should read your blog first then watch the rerun of the episode. Hearing a italian man who can do a full split and at one time rocked a awesome 70's porn stache say he's John Wayne thats why I watch television. Your blog is perfect!
I was laughing out loud -- this was your best blog of all!
This was your best blog so far -- I couldn't stop laughing! You are definitely the best part of RHONJ!!
Jay I was ROFLMAOing at your comments. Brilliant and hilarious. I loved your line about Joe Gorga being an ass man. One little comma and one little exclaimation mark could've changed that whole sentence from, "He really is an ass man." to "He really is an ass, man!" :) Love the blog! Thanks for the laughs! Fleur
Got to tell you Jay, Week after week you win the prize for best and funniest blog! Thanks for the laughs!
I love reading your blog before I watch the episode, you make some funny observations that are so spot on. I just saw the picture of Joe doing splits that should be my screen saver as well as yours!!!
You had me at "the last draw". I think from now on I should read your blog first then watch the rerun of the episode. Hearing a italian man who can do a full split and at one time rocked a awesome 70's porn stache say he's John Wayne thats why I watch television. Your blog is perfect!
Jay,
Look forward to the weekly recaps like everyone else....Tonight was clearly the craziest, wildest episode yet..I'll give you a cliche....Wayyyy too much information!..I too was uncomfortable..But I figured out Joe Gorgas hat thingy...He's going through a transplant..When the camera does catch him hatless, you can clearly see the weave and the straight line on top where is ends...He wears the hat to hide the process, I think it takes some time for the transplanted hair to take root..By the way...when they were doing the splits..I swear I saw sprinkle cookies on the counter! Is juicy Joe allowed to drive a quad? You know...to hone those driving skills...it's gonna be a while before he ever drives again...lol..
hilarious that all of the older kids were invited instead of osh. also i was equally perplexed when tia mowry announced antonia and a big black dude entered. love the blog!
Omg , I look forward to your blog all week. You should do the reunion show!! Tell Andy Cohen to move over and let you run the show.
This episode was the bomb!
you are so hilarious, laughing harder and harder w every blog!! Wish u would blog on all cities!
Jay Mohr your take on the Jersey Housewives is so spot on! Freaking hilarious!!
You are killing me! Melissa buying her shirt at Marshalls! LMAO!
Jay you are Hilarious! I just cracked up when you said Rich is the most italian guy you've seen. Haha.... you are spot on with these blogs.. I love reading them! You're awesome!
Jay, my stomach hurts I'm laughing so much. Somehow you manage to narrate every thought I have while I'm watching the show. Incredibly funny!!! Hey I think you should get on Melissa some more. She annoys the crap out of me. And what was up with that dance show? Did I miss something? I didn't see any dancing by the kid just a lot of lifting and swinging by the big guy. And holding her leg up while she spins???? THAT was weirder than the bar scene.
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Kardashian comment made me cry so hard!!!!!!!!!!! You are so hilarious!!
I never post to anything, but I am unable to keep my love for your posts silent any longer!!! You write the most hysterical observations I have ever read in any recap on RHWNJ!!! I have been a fan of yours for years- my particular favorite is your Christopher Walken impression...but your blogs have me laughing out loud, so much so I actually had to do long hand on LOL. And I agree wholeheartedly: The Jean Claude Van Damme (sp?)/Richard Simmons shorts/Borat-esque 80's photo of Joe Guidice is the most fabulous photo I have seen in ages!!! Keep up the greatest recaps ever!!!
I never post to anything, but I am unable to keep my love for your posts silent any longer!!! You write the most hysterical observations I have ever read in any recap on RHWNJ!!! I have been a fan of yours for years- my particular favorite is your Christopher Walken impression...but your blogs have me laughing out loud, so much so I actually had to do long hand on LOL. And I agree wholeheartedly: The Jean Claude Van Damme (sp?)/Richard Simmons shorts/Borat-esque 80's photo of Joe Guidice is the most fabulous photo I have seen in ages!!! Keep up the greatest recaps ever!!!
If there have been amazing re-posts of mine, it's simply because my computer is insane...or my internet access...or the user.
I love these recaps more than the actual episodes.
Another fantastic post.
I love jay mohr so much. This blog is literally so funny it took me a good ten minutes to read the whole thing i was laughing so hard it Makes my Monday mornings amazing :)
LOL you're blog keeps getting funnier and funnier....it's the only blog I actually fly over here to read! Then again, Joe Giudice did a split, so tonight this is a close second. :)
Jay, you had me snorting with laughter! Joe Giudice's splits were genius! And the previous blog where you mentioned Caroline's hair looking like Mickey Rourke's hair in "Angel Heart" (I saw that in the theatre, it scared the crap out of me at the time lol), I practically fell off of my couch! I love your blogs!
You are freakin' hilarious!
LOVE IT!!!
Jay, I was laughing so hard that I literally could not keep the mouse still to click to the next page. You nailed it again. I stayed up late just so I could read what you had to say. Thank you for this blog! BTW did you notice that Joey had to plug his ears during his daughter's holiday dance? How old is he?
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