Jay Mohr

Jay Mohr offers a comedian's take on Episode 1.

on May 12, 2011

A common and unfortunate theme with Melissa and Joe Gorga is their need to put down Teresa and Joe Giudice for their financial troubles. It all seems so uncalled for and low. At one point Joe Gorga tells the camera that Joe Giudice just doesn't like to work. Um, yeah…about that. Joe Giudice used to own his own construction company, and now he is literally flipping pizzas. That's work. That's work ethnic. That's worth ethic. Hell, that's even work ethic! It is also a clear indication of a man's character. That is a man that will do any job to be sure he can provide for his family. Props to you, Joe Giudice. The next time I am in New Jersey, I am coming in for many slices. Maybe I'll see Christopher there, since he announces on the show that he is going to leave the Brownstone.

Am I the only one noticing that none of the houses on the show are baby-proofed? While getting ready for Giuseppe's christening, Adriana made it down three flights of stairs and brewed herself a pot of coffee.

The show crescendos with a good, old-fashioned battle royale. The fight at the christening party is one of the single greatest reality television moments that has ever been recorded. When I tell you everyone got involved, I mean everyone got involved. What started out as two bulls charging each other quickly deteriorates into everyone with arms swinging them wildly at anyone within range. Women are hitting men, men are shoving women, children are crying, and people that aren't even cast members are getting featured fight time with blurred-out faces. At one point in the melee a man stands up and starts screaming, "This is a christening! Everyone stop! This is supposed to be a christening! If you don't like it get the f--- out!" Almost immediately after that, an unidentified man decides to give Teresa's father a little shove and tells him to get back. Bad move. The old man from the old country still has some moves in him, and he immediately snaps and shoves about three guys into a mirrored wall. Very impressive. Remind me to never cross anyone in the Gorga family, regardless of how old they are or how many heart surgeries they've had.

Even though they are brother and sister, Joe Gorga and Teresa handle the fight's aftermath very, very differently. Teresa immediately finds her father and offers him some water. Joe Gorga immediately finds one of his buddies, and they walk to the bar for more booze. Yeah, that'll fix it! Joe Gorga then degenerates into a cross between Jake Lamotta and Neely O'Hara and starts screaming into his father's face, "I'm your son! I'm your son!" Then he super bizarrely segues (in Italian) into, "Mama, you're so cold! Mama you're so cold!" It is amazing reality television, maybe the best I've ever seen. Certainly the strangest I've ever seen. I can't wait until everyone tells their incredibly screwed up and self-serving version of events in subsequent episodes. Bravo has really hit a grand slam here. Melissa and Joe Gorga are a gift from the television gods. (Praise Jesus!) And the coming attractions assure the viewer that they don't plan on slowing down. All the other Real Housewives franchises better step their game up! Real Housewives of New Jersey has just separated itself from the pack.

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Until next week, don't forget to watch what happens.