Jay Mohr

Jay Mohr offers a comedian's take on Episode 1.

on May 12, 20110

A common and unfortunate theme with Melissa and Joe Gorga is their need to put down Teresa and Joe Giudice for their financial troubles. It all seems so uncalled for and low. At one point Joe Gorga tells the camera that Joe Giudice just doesn't like to work. Um, yeah…about that. Joe Giudice used to own his own construction company, and now he is literally flipping pizzas. That's work. That's work ethnic. That's worth ethic. Hell, that's even work ethic! It is also a clear indication of a man's character. That is a man that will do any job to be sure he can provide for his family. Props to you, Joe Giudice. The next time I am in New Jersey, I am coming in for many slices. Maybe I'll see Christopher there, since he announces on the show that he is going to leave the Brownstone.

Am I the only one noticing that none of the houses on the show are baby-proofed? While getting ready for Giuseppe's christening, Adriana made it down three flights of stairs and brewed herself a pot of coffee.

The show crescendos with a good, old-fashioned battle royale. The fight at the christening party is one of the single greatest reality television moments that has ever been recorded. When I tell you everyone got involved, I mean everyone got involved. What started out as two bulls charging each other quickly deteriorates into everyone with arms swinging them wildly at anyone within range. Women are hitting men, men are shoving women, children are crying, and people that aren't even cast members are getting featured fight time with blurred-out faces. At one point in the melee a man stands up and starts screaming, "This is a christening! Everyone stop! This is supposed to be a christening! If you don't like it get the f--- out!" Almost immediately after that, an unidentified man decides to give Teresa's father a little shove and tells him to get back. Bad move. The old man from the old country still has some moves in him, and he immediately snaps and shoves about three guys into a mirrored wall. Very impressive. Remind me to never cross anyone in the Gorga family, regardless of how old they are or how many heart surgeries they've had.

Even though they are brother and sister, Joe Gorga and Teresa handle the fight's aftermath very, very differently. Teresa immediately finds her father and offers him some water. Joe Gorga immediately finds one of his buddies, and they walk to the bar for more booze. Yeah, that'll fix it! Joe Gorga then degenerates into a cross between Jake Lamotta and Neely O'Hara and starts screaming into his father's face, "I'm your son! I'm your son!" Then he super bizarrely segues (in Italian) into, "Mama, you're so cold! Mama you're so cold!" It is amazing reality television, maybe the best I've ever seen. Certainly the strangest I've ever seen. I can't wait until everyone tells their incredibly screwed up and self-serving version of events in subsequent episodes. Bravo has really hit a grand slam here. Melissa and Joe Gorga are a gift from the television gods. (Praise Jesus!) And the coming attractions assure the viewer that they don't plan on slowing down. All the other Real Housewives franchises better step their game up! Real Housewives of New Jersey has just separated itself from the pack.

Let me know your thoughts on Twitter at @jaymohr37

Until next week, don't forget to watch what happens.

jm

 

432 comments
Sophia Ann
Sophia Ann

Love love love you! Style of writing is awesome....your assessment is dead on accurate. I 'm a fan!

Mike  Griffith
Mike Griffith

he.... Buddy! you a funnymudderfugher!

BRAVO Jay!!

Somebody give this guy a National syndicated RADIO SHOW!!!!

Gerry B, formally Exit 11
Gerry B, formally Exit 11

Jay you were fabulous on WWHL last night. Andy should always have you on with the RHNJ. Or any of the RH!!! You were hilarious. Love the blogs. Just a comment that has nothing to do with RH. How would George Castandsa feel about the Beckham's naming their new babygirl, SEVEN. Wasn't that his idea of a name for a girl ....or a boy after his idol, Micky Mantle's number? What do you think, Jay? This Jersey girl wants to know.

Lynn McGoo
Lynn McGoo

Thank you Jesus for Jay Mohr!! Love your humor, you are spot on when it comes to the RHWJ.

rcov
rcov

Just watched you take over for Andy reviewing RHNJ while he's on vacation...call me crazy and others may not agree, but you were SO much better at it. Andy better watch out. If you took over I would watch that show more often!

Alli-Gator
Alli-Gator

OMG, Jay, you are so freaking funny. I've been searching for your blog after Andy mentioned it on his show when Jacqueline was a guest. And now after watching you last night, I realize it was on Bravo's page. I wet my pants after reading this first excerpt...and there are so many more. Heaven help me. Praise Jesus!

Texas girls rule
Texas girls rule

IToo Funny. what? you laughing at me? do I amuse you? hell to the Yeah! just found your blog after you hosted for Andy. I am rooting for Theresa and am not into Melissa and her mean ol' sisters. what a bunch of haters wanting to laugh at other people's (ESP. Family) misfortune. those kids will grow up one day and see their parents for rude adults (very sad). Pride is the real sin in this clan. every family has it's poor Me and I'm the one wronged here sibling. Keep the blog going. it was a good time to read. You are having too much fun writing this and it shows b/c everyone is having too much fun reading it too.

carole blakeley-cole
carole blakeley-cole

You are soooooo funny U had me crying I love Andy and the HWNJ Jay r u going to what Danielle on Famous food thanks Carole

audles
audles

Jay~ lovelovelove RHONJ, I am looking for the name of the Italian music that was played at the start after each commercial of the 1st episode of season 3, which was a bang! Please Help?

From Hawaii
From Hawaii

Dear Jay,

You are my savior! A couple of weeks ago, you were on Andy's "Watch What Happens Live". You mentioned that you had panic attacks and how you wrote about this in your book "Gasping for Airtime". I immediately bought the book because I, too, suffer from panic disorder. Reading about your panic attacks really helped me understand that I am not alone and not going crazy or dying. Also, I had my doctor switch my medication to the one you referenced...it works GREAT! Along with my "exercises," the meds really helps take that extra edge off. I really want to thank you for sharing your experience and, in a way, having saved my life. (If you get a chance, I would love to hear from you; I don't have Twitter but I am sure Bravo can give you my email address. If I don't hear from you, best wishes to you for good health!)

LindaMH
LindaMH

I've been a fan of RHONJ since the beginning, but you add a whole new dimension to it....and I love, love, love it!

Jenikate
Jenikate

PRAISE JESUS..................Jay, ur blog was HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!

HollyRHinKC
HollyRHinKC

HILARIOUS!!!!!!! You are the funniest person in the history of the world!!

Beaner88
Beaner88

Jay, you iz hilarious. Perfect recap. Don't even need to watch the show. The thing about Ashley is spot on, never quite knew what is was that bugged me but YES - Eeyore fer sure!!!

celtrua
celtrua

Jay: You are the best guest Andy Cohen has ever had on Watch What Happens. I have been trying to get my husband to watch The Real Housewives (any of them).My recent cajoling, "Jay Mohr is a good husband, he watches it with his wife," seemed to work. Luckily, the New Jersey season premiere really brought the crazy.Praise Jesus! i know the fans would love to see you recap each episode (and do your hilarious impressions) on TV. Bravo...we want to see more Jay Mohr!!!!

jaggedprincess
jaggedprincess

Jay, your a gift from baby Jesus!! I've loved you for a long time and I only watch Bravo's reality shows, now both of you together? GENIUS!!! Thank you and your brilliant!!!

Robbin
Robbin

Wow that was funny!!! I actually laughed out loud reading the part about no ones house being Baby Proofed! The part about Adrianna walking down three flights of stairs and making herself a pot of coffee...This is really funny stuff. I can't wait until your next Blog!

A fan
A fan

Praise Jesus! That was so funny. Not many things make me laugh out loud but this killed me.

Can't Look Away
Can't Look Away

OMG this was hilarious. You captured it all. The good, the bad , and the ugly. I laughed through the whole blog. You were so spot on with Ashley!!!!! Bless her little heart. All I can say is Praise Jesus for your entertaining blog!!!

jennrae
jennrae

Thanks to Jay Mohr for saying what we're all thinking, only funnier. Work ethic. Classic.

Lucia D
Lucia D

Very Very funny!! Love the blogs!! Can't wait for the next! I love reading your blogs after the episodes air because you have a hilarious view on what just happened even though it was completely heartbreaking!! Keep them coming!

P.S. I have to admit Bravo did make a mistake translating Joe Gorga's words into "Mom your cold your cold!" What he really said was "I am your son, your only son!

Kara Miller
Kara Miller

I LOOOOOVE that you are doing a blog, I died laughing when you were on an episode of "watch what happens live." Your blogs are hilarious and so true!

MaryanndNYC
MaryanndNYC

Jay, you're hysterical (and insightful)! I never laughed so hard reading a blog. Keep it up!

Sandra Stanley
Sandra Stanley

I cried so hard because of laughter it took me forever to read this blog. Toooooo Funny!!!!

Renee'
Renee'

OMG!...Jay, I can't stop laughing. Thank you so much for your hysterical reviews of the RHONJ. Your humor has the perfect "ingredientzes" to sum up these guilty pleasure television shows. Some have commented that you should get your own Bravo show recapping all the shows on the network. I COMPLETELY AGREE!!! I am Italian, born and raised in New Orleans and between the RHONJ and those shore kids from that other network,...they're killin' me Jay. I appreciate your humor. Keep up the good work. I hope to be watching your recap show soon. I'll be following the blogs.

Katie Murrihy
Katie Murrihy

you're run down of that episode was phenomenal! spot on and hilarious...

when you were on Watch What Happens Live... you were friggin' hilarious...

one of my favorite movies EVER is, Mafia!

I would marry you in a heartbeat if I could man... you're awesome, and I love you!

foxyaManda
foxyaManda

Everything about ur blog is so true! The only thing that disappointed me was that the history of the joes and the father issue wasnt explained so vaguely!! and by the way why did they need to tell us about joe having the runs? Was the necessary? yuck lol

foxyaManda
foxyaManda

You are so right jay, about everything. The only thing i wish about this episode is that a little more history regarding the joes and the father issue, not much is explained! It is breifly touched on but very vague!! oh by the way u forgot to comment on how they felt the need to expain joes tummy hurting and having the runs>>>what the heck???

Redfoxmama
Redfoxmama

Praise Jesus for Jay's blog. Awesomeness!

MorgansAuntie
MorgansAuntie

Your blogs will make season worth watching! Great job,

MorgansAuntie
MorgansAuntie

Just reading your blog and it's going to make the season worth watching! Great job!

Gmg1218
Gmg1218

I'm going to keep watching just so I can read your blog. You are a very funny funny man!

sarahtexas
sarahtexas

You need to comment on what the housewives blog about not just the show! Love your sense of humor just like mine....I'm gonna have to show this to my husband, he's gonna love it thanks for the laugh

Viewerheather
Viewerheather

Super funny stuff. Please keep blogging for the rest of the season!

San Diego Fan
San Diego Fan

I LOVE your blog! It's perfect in every way.

Marinka
Marinka

Fantastic. I especially appreciate the part of the recap about Caroline since the second she comes onscreen, I slip into a deep coma.

But I was happy to see that this season she got a daughter! Mazel tov!

Jenn King
Jenn King

This is the BEST BLOG EVER!!! I loved every word of it from beginning to end. I still can't believe how you could manage to use the word "crescendo" in this blog. So well written and HYSTERICAL!

FrancesT
FrancesT

Bravo-Hire Jay full time to write a blog for all the Housewives series. Too funny! Love it!

NJHousewifeRia
NJHousewifeRia

Absolutely hysterical posts - you are so right about everything. Please blog on every episode. Love it, you are the best!! Praise Jesus.

hwocfan02474
hwocfan02474

Love, love, LOVE your blog!!! Keep them coming!

DB
DB

Jay you hit the nail on the head! Loved loved loved your blog---I'm still laughing !

brandi fowler
brandi fowler

LOVED this! Thank-you for your version of the drama - you are hysterical!

JodifromWI
JodifromWI

OMG JAY MOHR!!!!! You are friggin' freakin' fraggin' hilarious!! I literally laughed out loud a number of times and have never done that before with a blog (and I live alone!). I just texted my best friend to tell her that she MUST read your blog...As everyone else has stated, you've hit the nail on the head, cut through the BS and drama with an extra helping of a good 'ole belly laugh. Most excellent! Keep up the good work and I am muy, muy, muy looking forward to your future blogs.

TK Whalen
TK Whalen

I now know what pee-in-your -pants funny is - Jay - I knew you are a comedian but I never read anything that made me laugh so hard - every sentence in both blogs is a gem! I have become a Real Houswives of NJ fan - there is so much yelling and screaming - it makes all other family life look tame! Their dysfunction is my salvation

I would love to see a NJ Housewives vs Mob Wives (representing Staten Island) Beatdown one day. Although those Staten Island dames are mob born and bred, Ithink those housewives might give them a run for their money!