Lauren's grand opening is a huge success. I loved when Lauren explained to Vito's mother about Joey and Melissa, "That's Teresa's brother and sister-in-law, and they're all best friends." That was hysterical and smart too. As a Bravo Television Psychiatrist I thought this was the smart play by Lauren. Why drag Vito's sweet mom down into the slop. Just slap some rose colored Gucci glasses on her and move on. Surprisingly, Ashley got her act together long enough to design the t-shirts for Lauren after all. Ashley really is a talented artist, and the shirts look fabulous. Now if we could only staple a few hundred of them over Teresa's coat.
The next day we see Teresa at the super market with two of her girls. Some kids climb trees, Milania climbs plums. Teresa pulls her daughter off the fruit display before it all comes rolling down, but not before Audriana makes the best rock and roll face I have ever seen. Teresa then explains that her family always eats super healthy. She does this as she fills her shopping cart with Eggo Waffles, Cap'n Crunch, and about $200 worth of pigs in a blanket.
The SOULDIGGAZ are back! Hooray! They come to Melissa's house for her to lay down some more tracks. I don't really understand the recording process, because Melissa is recording over her own song. It's almost as if she is doing karaoke for 'On Display.' There is enough auto-tune on this song to give a robot an erection. I just now realized that one of the lyrics for 'On Display' is: "These feelings that I'm feeling." Here's a tip for all you aspiring songwriters. You can't write the same word twice and call it a rhyme. The more I listen to 'On Display,' the more I owe the Countess an apology. Compared to Melissa, Luann sounds like Ella Fitzgerald. I think 'On Display' is what the U.S. Troops played in Panama to get Manuel Noriega to surrender.
In the real world, Chris is sitting down with Albie, Christopher, and a gal named Sari at a restaurant, and they are all anxiously awaiting the arrival of a potential new client. The meeting goes incredibly well. Christopher charms these ladies out of their Canadian bacon. He could have dropped into the Cajun voice and still closed the deal. Keep an eye on that Christopher, if he ever goes on Celebrity Apprentice, I'm driving to Vegas to put a lot of money on him to win.