OK, so she missed her flight, big deal, sh-- happens, so you just deal with it. Now I had to go through the good-byes all over again. I had a get together planned for the night that she was supposed to leave. I hoped it would help me not to think about it. I needed the company. Looking at myself, I can see how drained and sick I looked back then. I was in a bad place. Those times were not easy. I'm thankful for Chris, my parents, my brother and his wife, Mary, during those times for being my rock and helping me to cope with it all. Thanks to Chris, Ashlee finally made it on the plane.
I can't even talk about that last scene with me crying looking at Ashlee's scrapbook or seeing her as a baby without my eyes filling up with tears. When you have children, you only want to give them the best of everything and teach them everything you've learned so their life may be a little easier than your own. You want them to look back on a happy childhood and grow up to be happy adults. Nothing hurts more than when your kids are hurting, and if you can't fix a problem they have or teach them to how to fix it, it feels very defeating and worrisome.
I will admit I didn’t miss the fighting between Ashlee and me when she first left. It was actually a nice break. Of course, after a while, I began to miss her very much. I still do. I still always worry about her, but we are in a much better place now and I am very proud of her. I love her very much. She has come a long way. We both have.