Cast Blog: #RHONJ

Over It

Amber Calls Out Andy Cohen

Dina: What am I Doing Here?

Amber: Is Dina Coldhearted?

Dina: "The Reunion was Very Hard to Watch"

Teresa: We Love Hard, We Fight Hard

Dina: The Ladybug Event was Perfection

Amber: I Felt I Like I Was Being Hazed

Melissa: Continue to Pray for Teresa's Family

Why Amber Shares Her Cancer Story

Dina: I Was Team Santa

Teresa: I Don't Blame Jim

Bobby's Unacceptable Behavior

Amber: Dina is Jealous

Melissa: "We are Heartbroken"

Dina Reacts to the Sentencing

Kathy Talks Kevin Jonas

Amber: Dina Was Planning a Blood Bath

Jim and Amber Were on Different Pages

Dina on Bobby's "Bizarre" Behavior

Amber Calls BS on Dina

Nicole: Words are So Powerful

Teresa: "Kudos to Dina!"

Teresa: I Love the Show, I Love My Fans

Praying for a Positive Outcome for Teresa

"Tipsy Melissa is My Spirit Animal"

Dina's Lose-Lose Situation

Jacqueline on Her Status with Teresa

Why Teresa Told Dina the Rumor

Amber on Her Cancer Scare

Teresa: There was an Agenda to Hurt My Family

Melissa: I Do Feel for Amber

Dina: Gia's Beautiful Inside and Out

Nicole: This is Not 'Jerry Springer'

Amber on Her Meltdown with Teresa

Amber's Emotional Call to Teresa

Teresa Thanks the Fans

Dina: Florida Will Be the New Scary Island

Teresa: I Wish I Never Heard the Rumor

Amber on the Shocking Rino Rumor

Victoria Gotti's Big No No

Over It

Jacqueline Laurita weighs in on the fight and opens up about her son's autism.

The drama in Jersey never ends! I can't even believe all the things I saw and heard during this episode. To be honest with you, at this point I just couldn't take it anymore. I was about to shut down. I am going to be honest with you and tell you where my head was at this point.

Back it up to that make-up hug between Teresa and I, where all seemed so sincere. It was on my end. I finally felt at peace with us. I needed to feel that at that point in time. There were some things that happened afterward that made me question her sincerity, but I’m not even going to bring it up now.

The trip was nearly over, and I had a lot going on in my head at the time. Most of you have already heard the news that my youngest son, Nicholas, has been diagnosed with autism. This trip came at a time where it was all coming to a head. The entire cast and crew knew at this point that we were dealing with some serious issues with my son, but we just didn't have a label on it yet. The cast and crew, including Teresa (surprisingly), respected that until we got the diagnosis and a treatment plan in place for our son, we wanted to keep it private. At this point, it was a race to get him help and every step of the way was another waiting game. Waiting to get in to see different doctors, waiting for insurance, waiting for home therapy, putting a diet and supplement plan into place, researching and seeking out help, etc. It consumed me. The petty, redundant drama was like static in my ears or like nails on a chalkboard. I was SO OVER IT!

Caroline was not playing the game and may have come across a bit harsh at times. Caroline was being REAL while others were not. I, personally, couldn't take the fighting anymore. None of it mattered to me anymore.

When everyone started fighting, I felt like I had already said what I wanted to say to Teresa's  face. I had nothing left to say, so I chose to shut my eyes, stay out of it, and tune all the fighting out. I actually really did fall asleep in the end. I can sleep through just about anything. Apparently, Albert can too. LOL!

Caroline had been holding it all in for a while, so I think she needed to unload. I feel horrible that Caroline felt like she went to battle alone. She wasn't alone. I think after watching this season and reading my blogs, she has seen me speak up and tell the truth. I hope she found some peace in the end. Actually, I know she has. We are both doing great!

It amazes me how Teresa can look you in the face and lie the way she does. While Teresa was denying it all to the girls, her husband was about 10 feet away admitting the truth to the guys. The truth is Teresa DID have a relationship with In Touch, they DID pay her, she DID put out articles that weren't always true, and she DID answer all the questions for the content of the article! FINALLY the truth was told ON CAMERA! FINALLY!

I don't see why she just didn't admit to this in the first place. It was ridiculous and totally unnecessary. A simple, "Yes, I put those articles out there because not only did I need the money, but I really didn't like you guys at the time because of X,Y and Z!" Then everyone could have chosen to either accept it, forgive it, and move on or not! It was one thing for Teresa to fake these relationships on camera, but another to try to take the others down OFF camera. On top of that, she was publicly trying to put out there that we were involved with these articles that SHE was putting out there. Unbelievable! Caroline just wanted Teresa to be honest and to tell her how she really felt about her. We ALL knew the truth.

I can’t believe she’d think I’m jealous that she’s on the cover of those magazines. She KNOWS that I have always avoided them as much as possible. And WHY would I be jealous of Teresa's headlines of her being in bankruptcy, afraid of being poor, her husband going to jail, her facing jail time, her friends and family bullying her (while being posed strategically with a prop dog), something about her baby boy that didn't exist, her staged wedding renewal, her husband cheating and calling her a "c"… I could go on and on! No thank you!Honestly, I would never want that for me or my family. That's the truth! There is no jealousy here. I, personally, have always said that I would only want to be on the cover of a reputable magazine with an article that could make a difference in this world, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! I've been asked to do covers before, but they were about my rocky relationship with my daughter, Ashlee. No thank you!

I said it once and I will say it again. If Teresa chose to put articles out there about her personal life in a national magazine, she shouldn't get insulted when family or friends ask her about these articles on a national TV show. Their issues were clearly no secret.

I never faulted Teresa for putting out articles for money. She could put out whatever lies about herself she wanted to earn money that she desperately needed, but I just thought she should have warned or clued in her family and friends first about what was real or fake so we didn’t have to worry. I also thought she should have just kept the articles about herself. It crossed the line when Teresa talked negatively about her family and friends in there or tried to blame others for putting it out there. Her hit and runs were the reason why everyone was having problems with her. (Besides the things she said that we were hearing in the industry and from mutual friends.)

I found it interesting when Teresa told everyone that there would be no more bashing them in the tabloids ever again unless someone said something about her. How did she know that? How? Because she controlled them! That episode was filmed exactly a year ago. It was on Caroline's birthday. It is Caroline's birthday today as I write this. How many more articles has Teresa put out since then? They haven't ended have they?

Look, I'm not saying that Teresa never had any right to be mad at her family or friends for anything, because everyone has their own perception of how they were treated. What I do know is that at one point, I saw her family sincerely making an effort to try to resolve things, and I felt that Teresa couldn't let go of anything to be able to move forward and wasn't making sincere steps to resolving it.

As far as Caroline not moving forward... That is because she felt too burned by Teresa to do that and Teresa never took accountability for what she did. The one thing I will say about Caroline is that she was not being fake about how she really felt. She put it out there that she was done with Teresa and that she had no interest in being her friend. She wasn't acting on camera. She wasn't pretending to love, love, love or pretending to want to mend a relationship that she didn't want to have just to please the viewers. You have to respect her for that.

Teresa's real feelings came out when she told Caroline how much she loved her and her family, but when she walked away, she called her an f'ing "C" and that she can go ‘F” herself while Caroline broke down in the other room and cried. Those were everyone's true feelings. Sad huh?Melissa and Joe stood by Teresa whether they thought she was right or wrong. I commend them for that. I'm not sure where that left Kathy. What a mess! I couldn't wait to get home! Let's see what happens next week.

Our reasons for coming forward with our son's diagnosis in People magazine was because we now have a diagnosis and a treatment plan in place. We didn't have that while filming, and we weren't willing to put it out there until we did. The more people that we reached out to for help, the more people knew about out son's issues. My husband and I didn't want to risk his diagnosis coming out in a way that was not controlled by us. We felt that by coming forward with this, it could not only help our child, which it already has, but also bring awareness to autism and possibly help other families who can relate to our situation. There is an enormous support system in the autism community along with resources and connections to be shared.  I think that others should be aware of this. I want us all to connect. I believe that while one treatment may work for one child, it may not necessarily work for another. But by sharing the options that are out there, we may just find the missing pieces that help our children to recover. We chose to tell our story to People magazine because of their outstanding reputation and outreach. We knew they would be sensitive to our story and not get it twisted. Did you know that People magazine reaches over 43 million viewers? That blew my mind.  To put that in perspective, In Touch magazine, who you are also familiar with, only reaches around  680,000. I think we made the right choice of magazine and did the article for the right reasons AND without pay. We were very pleased with the article. I can't thank People magazine enough for doing the article right and giving us part of their cover as well as giving us their exclusive feature story. We were thrilled!

I also thank my team ENV consulting and my autism expert consultant, Lauren Underwood, PhD who stood by my side and guided me through it every step of the way. My family and friends have been a HUGE support system for us, and so have all of my social media friends! Thank you, thank you, thank you for your understanding, compassion, resources, connections, and support! We are very grateful and we are optimistic for Nick's recovery! XOXO!

If you know anyone with Autism, check out these websites for resources:
www.centerforautism.comCheck out my website I'll put Nicholas updates on my website as well as some helpful tips on dealing with a child with autism.

Please donate or walk with me on "Team Laurita" for Autism Speaks or join me at the "Sparkle Speaks" event for Autism Speaks at the Brownstone on September 20th at 7:00pm.

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Take care! See you next week! XOXO!

Amber: I Felt I Like I Was Being Hazed

Amber Marchese dishes on her experience this season on #RHONJ.

We made it Housewife friends! As it was my rookie season, I felt like I was being hazed in a sorority, but as hard as it was, I made it! I learned so much about how strong I am as a person and some areas that I can work on. I learned that I really do have a “no surrender, never retreat” mentality. I will go to bat with anyone, at any time, and will defend myself and my family at all cost. I also witnessed the undying love that my husband has for me and his family. He was not going to let anyone hurt me and will unleash hell if someone tries. He is truly my modern day Spartan warrior. 

I am so blessed to have shared my experience and struggles with breast cancer -- the timing of my five year mark, the photo shoot, and growing my hair for five years then cutting it for charity -- it was nothing short of a miracle that the Bravo was able to catch that all. It was just meant to be and God was truly working his wonders. Cutting my hair was completely symbolic for me, since cancer no longer defines me. I will never forget, however the pain, fear, and anxiety is in my rear view mirror now. I can sometimes look back to remind myself where I came from, but it in no way defines my future. It is my promise to all of you, I will never take that for granted, especially knowing that there are thousands struggling with cancer every day. 

On to my perspective on the season finale! I am not quite sure why the twins make it a point to confront others in front of large crowds. As Teresa said, they had two weeks to call her and speak to her about what Victoria Gotti had said to us. If they had an issue or wanted an apology, so be it, but what ever happened to being a civilized human being and picking up the phone to call? They did the same thing to me. Two weeks went by without any phone call from them. In fact, they never returned any of my phone calls or texts! They decided to make a scene in front of an entire party. Difference is, this was at a charity event with children in ear shot. Can you blame me for not wanting to bring my babies to this event? I would have absolutely loved my children sashaying down the runway, but there is absolutely no way I would EVER allow my babies to hear what went on. I spoke with Teresa and I knew the twins never called her. So I knew exactly what was brewing, so did Dina. My children come first and mama was protecting her children. Dina was brazen enough to kick Jim and me out of the Florida home for less of an offense, why wasn’t Dina kicking the twins out because they were making a scene at her own charity function for children?! Can we say double standard? Where were her “heads rolling” that she claimed would happen if someone started anything at a Ladybug event? 

I will add that I completely understand how hurt the twins are. I can understand their anger. However, I cannot understand their way of handling conflict. That level of “hot headedness,” I would think, cools down at a certain age as we tend to calm ourselves, think clearly, and with wisdom. It is a level of discernment that should happen after a certain age or experience in life. 

Dina claims to be Teresa’s friend of 25 years, but does not back up her friend at all. If that was my friend, like Christine or Angelia, whom I have been friends for just as long, the twins would not have gotten to the letter T in stupid before I would be dragging them out of the event by their ears. Dina doesn’t have to agree with her best friend, but she should also never allow someone to call her friend of 25 years stupid, at her own charity function no less. Especially knowing what her friend is going through, which pales in comparison to some stupid rumor.

Since Dina has unwarranted venom towards my husband and has completely snubbed him for his previous contributions to The Ladybug Project, I am going to thank him on their behalf for coming up with the idea of the children's fashion show, as well as the connection to East Coast Stars. Since Jim did not attend, he also made a sizable cash donation on behalf of our family. Jim had also worked hard before all the drama to make sure Ladybug even had a venue with all costs covered, including food and beverage. The venue was ultimately not chosen, but Jim had still worked hard to give Dina an option for the event. Instead she chooses to focus on Jim’s comment about her IQ after she interrogated him at an extremely inappropriate, charged moment right after his wife was attacked. Despite her inappropriateness, Jim still ended up apologizing to her. However in my opinion she should have apologized to him for being so glaringly insensitive. 

It may seem as if my perspective is harsh for an end of season blog, LOL! But it is what I was feeling at the time. I owe it to you all to give you my honest interpretation of it. However, at the end of the season, I came out having a certain amount of respect for all of these ladies. Being on a reality show is hard; it pushes us to our limits and it is nothing short of psychological warfare. I truly hope you will support all of us, equally. Teams are good, and appreciated; however, keep the hate towards other Housewives out of it. Perspective are OK, different points of view are what make the world go round, however, when your perspective rises to a level of cruelty, it takes the fun out of our jobs. Allow us to be ourselves, with the good moments and even the moments when we could have handled ourselves a little better. At the end of the day, the Housewives are girlfriends that have strong personalitiesand disagreements -- we love, we hate, and we make up. That’s life. 

I have would like to thank: Denee Lockhart, Amy Malkoff, J. Vincent Jewelers, Cate Scaglione Photography, Castle Couture, Action Media Productions, Elinet Cakes, Christine’s Restaurant, Historical Names, East Coast Stars, Zaboyon, Greenhouse Flowers, Johnny Donavan PR, Anthony Palmieri stylist, Tony Bowls evening wear, and finally, my husband Jim and my mom, Pamula Aguero. 

It was an amazing experience that I would not change for the world. I want to thank all of you for you love and support. This was a wild ride. 

Many blessings to all!

Amber Marchese