Ask the Countess

The Countess answers your questions about baptism attire and graduation announcements.

May 5, 20090

 

We are baptizing our baby girl soon in the Catholic Church. I was thinking of wearing this pretty, semi casual long white dress. It was a dress I wore after getting out of my wedding dress, and going to dinner with my husband after our wedding. So it is an important dress to me. Anyways, I wasn't sure if only the baby wears white? Thanks!
Rebecca

Hi Rebecca,
Congratulations! I think you should wear your white dress and use some accessories for color. It's sweet to wear something that is meaningful to you. Best.
The Countess

Quick question: Is it okay to send out my graduation announcements after I actually graduate from college? I have exams all next week and I don't know if I'll have time to send them out beforehand. Is that okay?
THANKS! P.S. The NYC season is my favorite :)
Alison Elizabeth

Hi Alison,
Thanks darling. I think it's perfectly acceptable. Concentrate on your finals and send them out just after. Good Luck!
The Countess

259 comments
Dalal Al-Hudaib
Dalal Al-Hudaib

Ms.LuAnn, you have great character and poise. you are very elegant, and to all the haters.. let them hate... its enough that it shows how you carry yourself, plus no one is perfect! everybody has their ups and downs, you are not expected to be on your best etiquette 24hours! especially not when you have camera crew after you all the time, you are only human :) I am your fan.... LOTS OF LOVE from KUWAIT :)

Ms. TeddyTiger
Ms. TeddyTiger

You are on a reality show and trying to act oh so upper crust - You're on a reality show - by definition - you are officially living in the mud! Stop with the pretense or get off the air.

Gizlane
Gizlane

please email me back I will be traveling in less than a week. I have a question about taking your jewelry when traveling, I am meeting my in laws for the first time over seas and I am wondering about where to put my jewelry, I have nice jewelry box should I take this with me in the plane.will this be tacky to actually take the whole jewelry box, I will be staying for 1 month looking forward to your response, Merci

me
me

you housewives say to many things at the wrong time an place, lots of you dont know how to keep your mouths shut

Nancy Stevens
Nancy Stevens

Luanne,

Where did you get this incredible bag with the H on it? I think I saw it in the Hamptons last summer but I cant seem to get one. You never go anywhere without it. This looks like the "it" bag!!!

michele lewis
michele lewis

I admire your grace and beauty, BUT since you are the arbiter of taste and manners, I was surprised to see you congratulate the bride (Bethanny). It is proper to congratulate the groom, and wish the bride happiness. The theory is she could have had many suitors and he was lucky to snag her--not vice versa.

And, sorry, one more thing. Although I expect Ramona to say, for example, someone spoke to "Mario and I", I would expect you to know better. It's Mario and me -- (if someone spoke to "him", then he spoke to Mario and "me").

But your Italian was beautiful and you did that brilliantly.

California
California

How come when you say "Sweetheart" or "Darling" you sound like you're saying the B word? Whenever you don't have an answer you resort to saying "Is something wrong with you". You need to come up with a new line, that one's tired.

SARAPHIN
SARAPHIN

Do you mind sharing where your native american inspired jewelry comes from? Very lovely on you.

Elsa
Elsa

LuAnn, I just want to say stay out of Jill's and Bethany problem. You are just making things worst between them. You might be an countess but you don't have class. I don't like how you call people "honey" and "darling", classy people call someone for her/his name.

gennelle
gennelle

LuAnn you should remember that jill and bethanny were good friends before you. Lesson don't ever get between friendhips because in the end if and when they are friends again you will get the short end of they stick. You are around for now because you just got divorce and jill need a single friend because she believes that she should only have someone. Just remember that and if she play bethanny message from months ago for you to listen to what else would she do to you when you're not friends.you want the drama because you want to feel important and you're not.

VerySouthernMom
VerySouthernMom

Countess,

Two of my friends' sons are graduating high school next month. I would like to get them each a personalized gift, either monogrammed or engraved. What would be appropriate and "manly" for the two young gentlemen?

kcg10
kcg10

LuAnn, I absolutely love your haircut. Would you please share where and who cuts your hair in NYC. Many thanks!

Anne
Anne

Countess DeLesseps is terribly attractive and I've just realized who she reminds me of --- Jackie Onassis. Same casual hairdo, very light makeup, and she wears her clothes with casual elegance just like Jackie did. Same wide apart eyes too. The Countess wears her clothes - the clothes do not wear her.

Pink
Pink

Luann, You are the most beautiful woman in the world! so tall and flawless face. I so wish I could look like you or just be like you!!

Viewer
Viewer

Hi LuAnn, My beleif is with manners comes the ability to let things go and sometimes you seem quite defensive on the show. When someone has confronted you with something you may need to change, such as your Nanny, Romona, or Bethany, you get defensive, you ignore them, brush them off, or defend yourself until you make the person feel badly in the first place for bringing it up. You make people feel small, or worthless with your attitude. It seems that you are no different that anyone else but you seem to make everyone feel like they aren't measuring up to you. I know you probably don't mean to be this way, but that is how it comes across. We all do it, don't get me wrong, but you just have this air about you, like you are looking down on others. It puts me off, and some viewers feel the same. Your children needed you and it seems you are always on the run, I could see it from watching the episodes. When they confront you, you again, seem to dismiss them and argue your way and you need to listen more and speak less, old Indian way.......

Christian
Christian

LuAnn! I absolutely love you! I'm only in high school, but I've gotten everyone to kiss both cheeks when we're meeting or saying goodbye, I think I've been the authority on class to everyone around me, and love watching how you bump it up to the next level! I have a quick question for you! I love wearing big rings to be the focal points of outfits, and I was wondering where you got all your fabulous rings?! I'm sure they were very expensive, but that doesn't really matter. If there's any way in heaven you can let me know, please do! Thanks so much!

Viewer
Viewer

countess,

I just wanted to say in the first season you really impress me. I was presantly surprised to see you do house work etc. I think you are a very classy lady and to say the least it's truly you ex lose. I'm sorry to hear about your divoice but believe me it will get better. Been there done that.

I hope you do come back for another season. If you don't I understand sometime it take time to heal and spend time with the children. for even through we as adult, to put it nicely, don't get along. It's best the children know its not their fault and we as parents still love and care for them no matter what happen.

I wish you and your family well and best wishes.

CarolsSister
CarolsSister

Dear Luan I saw in one of your show's that your father passed away from cancer, and that charity is one of your most important..I have a sister who has advanced lung cancer..that is bad enough, but her financial circumstances are horrible. I myself have not been able to work for several years due to a problem with my leg that was just operated on 6 months ago after much delay in diagnosis, so I am still not able to work, or I would be giving her money to help with expenses. Is there help out there for people like my sister? We donate to charities but when those we love need them, where are the funds? where is the help? there is so much need in the world, so many haves and have nots, it shows you life is a coin toss...if you are lucky enough to capture some wealth, you may get through life easier, but if not, life will be very hard for you, especially once an illness starts.....the problem for many is knowing how to find the resources....if I can ever get back to a better level of functioning, I would love to be an advocate to help those who have no idea where to turn for resources, finances or any other kind of service that can help a dying loved one...is there anyplace I can go for help for my sister?

Venus Hibbettts
Venus Hibbettts

Countess Luan, Sounds great to me. You are a neat person. You know how to address problems in a proper way.I think you are the best lady on the show. I love the way you dress.Your a neat mother. You understand more about lifes' problems than they give you credit for.I'm so sorry to hear about your divorce. I have gone thru one myself. It sucks.But that in the past. I'm now looking towards the future. And I know you can have whatever you want in you life if you control what going on around you.Life is what ever you make it.Good or Bad. I wish for you Countess the best that life can offer. I'm just a fan who love the show.And you are my favorite Lady.Hang in there.You have lots of fan who love you.And I'm just one of them.

Just one in a million Venus

Viewer
Viewer

LuAnn,

On the 12th episode, May 5, you had on a fabulous pair of boots. It was in the scene where Bethenny was visiting you and you were giving her runway tips....

The boots, can you share the designer?

NW
NW

HI, I love the Native American jewelry you wear. I am from the southwest and your jewelry is exquisite. Keep wearing the Native American jewelry on the show.

Christine
Christine

Countess, I wanted to ask a question about charities, and how to start or even get involved with them. I lost my grandfather back in the beginning of Dec. 08' he was more than a grandfather to me, he was my dead. he has raised me off and on most of my life and at the age of 16 he and my grandmother adopted me. I want to do something in his memory. can you help or give any advise?

Thank You, Chrissy

nancy
nancy

LuAnn you are my favorite housewife not because of your status as a countess but because of your maturity and composure. God knows it is needed at time. With your new direction as a single mom I hope you find the peace and love you deserve in a very brutal world.

jason palm beach
jason palm beach

i think your fabulous.Do these women want you to hide and not talk about the fact that your a Countess.You are one.It's part of who you are an who you were before the show.I'm positive if Bethanny was a countess she'd let Kelly know.But shes not,she's a chef.Clebrity chef.WHATEVER.I wish everyone all the sucess in the world whatever your good at,go for it.Just dont knock down others because your(not you)not as famous.Shes more famous(BETANNY)than being rude,not nice and a little mean,I use to like her and have always liked you and jill very much.I wish you(COUNTESS)all the happiness in the world.

Laura
Laura

Hello Mrs. DeLesseps, I have a question for you. You said that your (ex) husband's grandfather built/dug the Panama Canal and that was how his family received the title of Count. Mr. DeLesseps attempted to dig the Panama Canal, failed and went bankrupt. President Teddy Roosevelt took over the dig and was responsible for its completion. My question is: did you know that?

mmc
mmc

Countess Luann, I was wondering if you pal around with any of the nyc housewives during hiatus.I do love the show. I hope you and your children are doing well with your separation from your husband.I think the way he treated you was appalling.You will survive because you have smarts ,looks and class. Good luck to all of you.

KK
KK

COUNTESS LU ANNN , You are always a pleasure to watch. You are so gracious as and always there for all. As a person who has always been a giver-and have people who wanted to be me(I relate)-you need to be strong for yourself...You and Kelly are so misunderstood. You both have a "simple good taste about you". You both are peaceful warriors-you act on what you know-not what you feel. That is so refreshing-it is why you are interesting. Jill has this too-but she waffles and let's the negative overwhelm her-then gets back to normal. The three of you are lovely mom's. Live for the present-but learn from the past. It is ok to be a little selfish right now-you just had your world turned upside down.There is a better plan for you. Soar and restore. I didn't mention any others- they have too many issues and are draining and toxic to watch.I am not judging-I am just seeing them as the character-they show the public.Bethany is actually funny-sometimes. Alex is sweet. Ramona is...Ramona. You are why I tune in-I hope you will still help the battered woman and be able to work with your charities.Stay wise.

Jo
Jo

Countess, I'm sorry your husband left you. HIS LOSS. You are a wonderful person and I admire you. Keep your chin up sweetie, things will turn around for you.

Olivia
Olivia

LuAnn- I noticed that you were wearing more Native American designs (belt buckles, etc) and speaking more about you heritage since your split. Seems to me that you're thinking about your roots? anyway, you seem like a lovely person & I wish you all the best as you negotiate these changes for yourself and your family. Based on what a gracious person you are, I think you'll end up in a good place.

That being said, I am still curious about your background... What tribe is your family from and what kinds of traditions associated with it are important to you? How did you incorporate your identity as Native American into your role as countess? How did those identities impact each other? Lots of questions, right? I know this is an etiquette column, but I think women today need to wear lots of hats and struggle with personal identity, and that must figure into the rules...

Best, Olivia

ViewerAurelia de Rojas
ViewerAurelia de Rojas

Dear Luan, great book very good for middle class americans which at times ar so

in a hurry that forget to teach their children manners. Sorry about your divorce but I

believe that one door closes and ten open. Best of luck. I will be very happy if your

next book would be a manual in how to pick up the pieces after 16 years of marriage,

please do it, there are millions of woman in your situation or a lot worst, and I know

you are a PHENIX,

Thankyou for the book, beset wishes.

Aurelia Maria de Rojas Miami Beach Fla

Anna S
Anna S

Countess & all:

Does anyone know where Ms. Countess does her hair?? ANYONE????? Bumble & Bumble?, Frederic? Toni&Guy???? Anyone out there know?? I would very much appreciate it. Price is not an issue ~ I just LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Ms. Countess' hairstyle. Thanks much! Anna S. NYC

Sandy
Sandy

Dear Countess De Lesseps,

We wish you the best and hope you realize that we are all behind you 100%! You are a strong person for being able to keep your head up high and still act like the lady that you are. In all honesty, I would say good riddance to him. He doesn't know what he has in you, and whatever he is thinking is right for him, at this momment, it will come back on him some day. You worked very hard to get to where you are today. As for the other woman, her behavior doesn't say much for her upbringing or for her own self esteem either. Let her have her moment. She'll still be a nobody who had to lower themselves to get a man.

Mepka
Mepka

Loved the hobo bag you had when you went shopping with your daughter. Simple but a great size. Where did you find it?

Kevin
Kevin

Countess LuAnn,

I adore you so much. But your husband is not a Count; he is a COWARD.

Viewer
Viewer

He led her to one of the private villas the hotel kept a bit down the beach. There was soft music wafting out from the inside, Huey Lewis maybe. Jay knocked on the door and, after a bit, Danielle heard a gruff, smoky voice say "Just a minute. Just a damn minute." Danielle suddenly felt knotted and nervous. Who was this scary-sounding person—scary in an old, familiar way. Finally, the door creaked open and standing there, all brown and dappled, grizzled and glorious, was a woman, about Danielle's age.

"Danielle," Jay grinned. "This is my sister. I'd like you to meet my sister."

The woman raised an eyebrow. She lit a cigarette. She chuckled.

"Nice to meet ya. The name's LuAnn."

Danielle shook her hand. "Nice to meet you too."

"Well?" LuAnn barked, clapping her hands. "We drinkin' or what?"

And so they did.

(http://gawker.com/5285924/real-housewives-of-new-jersey-the-gorge-between-tasteful-and-tacky)

Rita
Rita

This season it was mentioned that you were part Native American. I would like to know your tribal affiliation and degree of blood. Thanks.

Viewer
Viewer

Dear Countess,

In what shade of Chanel lipliner should I adorn myself before donning my adult bib?

Cahuilla Girl
Cahuilla Girl

Girl i almost died when you said men might be on a different level. Im not sure if it was taken the wrong way but always remember who you are and that Native American women are very important, appreciated and respected. I don't know if your proud of being Native American but you should be our people died and suffered a lot and it makes me sick when our people don't appreciate it. you might be half or less but the blood is still their, the blood of a strong powerful people not destroyed but refined by fire. you may not be a countess without your husband but you are a princess of chiefs and warriors. Plus you are way to beautiful and classy for your husband he should be thanking god that he gave him the opportunity to marry you. Money doesn't make you a better person or fame its what you do in the quiet places when you think know one is watching..STAY CLASSY! and ignore those haters because thats what they do HATE.

Viewer
Viewer

Who are you kidding?? A Countess????? Please! Dream on lady.

Knows Better
Knows Better

Luann, you say you just "has fun" with the Countess title and don't take it seriously, then make sure the pizza delivery guy knows you're a countess when you phone in your order.

Also, how can we take etiquette lessons from someone who begins a sentence with "her and her friend" when talking about your niece. Maybe you could use a refresher class in Grammar.

Saw you this week on that summer fashion design show and noticed your new cheekbones. They look very sharp!

Larry Smith
Larry Smith

I just wanted to say that going into that school (Inner city as you might say) I think that it was very wrong for you to attack the girl about her weight. You could have easily pulled her aside or even realized that her economic life wasn't on the same as yours and you could have used a bit more tact. That was downright horrible and I'm glad that Ramona put your business about your husband being twice your age out for your kids to see because you tore that young girls soul as well as those parents that can't send their kids to foreign countries. Maybe that's why he divorced you with an email. Yitch

Viewer
Viewer

Is it "full of grace" to attack someone's appearance (Ramona's) or to go on and on about how someone doesn't acknowledge you, a grown woman, at parties? Yikes.

Viewer
Viewer

Dear Countess, Can you please instruct me as to the proper manner in which one should tie an adult bib?

Debra Lynn Orth
Debra Lynn Orth

LuAnn: Where can I get those aprons that were discussed on the lost footage episode? Please send the link. dorth@vzavenue.net

Jeannie
Jeannie

By the way, I'm not a Ramona fan either - I don't even read her blog. I do post my opinions on how disrespectful and hurtful she is on her blog but she needs professional help.

You on the other hand, LuAnn are full of grace. I appreciate the quality person you are and hope to see more of you on the show.

Jeannie
Jeannie

Countess I really appreciate your demeanor on the show and the maturity and respect you show others. Its very refreshing in a world that has lost all respect for life and others.

As a child of divorce, I wanted to say never give up. My parents divorced after 25 years of marriage and while its hard, this too will pass. That which doth not kill us makes us stronger. You have so much going for you that your life is just beginning. I see even greater things and relationships ahead for you as you are a person worth knowing. Not because of your title or wealth but because of how nice you are.

My only question is my boyfriend and I have been talking about getting married, I'm scared of course but the things I'm scared of are not that we'll get divorced but rather of my family. Is it ok not to invite those who will ruin my day even though they are family?

Viewer
Viewer

If I'm not mistaken, the girl at the school asked Luann about her weight. Luann was telling her you can always take care of the weight. Like any of us is going to humilate a young girl, please. Ramona needs to just keep quiet and stop embarrassing herself. Luann said I overacted. Luann has even joked about "what is a Countess". She has fun with it. Luann people that say you married into it, true, but you have never acted like nor that you were better than anyone else. How do some have so much time on their hands they spend it with such stupid comments and hurtful things. When people go on and on "she's the fourth Countess", who cares, please. Get a life. Love you Luann, really think your beautiful in every way. People should strive everyday to carry on with such grace. Think all you ladies are great, well most.

Stu
Stu

There's something very new money about you Countess, and I don't mean to offend by offering that insight.

I appreciate your values and your strong energy in behaving like a lady and with great dignity. But I don't think you have to try so hard.

I doubt the Count will go public as to why he went 'outside' of the marriage but I quietly have been wondering if it has something to do with your choice in making your life so public and positioning yourself as an arbiter of grace and class.

I was raised in an odd world, 1/2 the family big old money, the other half, check to check. I was with the poor part but spent a great deal of time with the other half. I learned to murmur with the best of them and all the social graces and perhaps because I would go in and out of 'high society' and 'low society' it gave me a gift to understand both.

Through the show's lense and editing, you appear a nice woman who had a vision of a life similar to where you are yet not fully reconciled to the sacrifices it cost you.

I wish you great peace and a new love LuAnne, with someone who will bring out that little girl who grew up in Conneccticut(?) and is genuinely kind.

Sue
Sue

Luann, Love you on the show.I think it was maybe episode 2;season 2;your son was off to school and his hair was a mess;no one even combed or brushed it.Now in all fairness if you are going to write a book about manners and etiquette at least look out for the little guy on his way to school instead of talking to Rosie about concert tickets.Practice what you preach.Hope to hear back from you.I don't ever miss an episode.Also sorry for your break-up.You are a strong independant woman;stay that way.

Kay
Kay

I was furious with the other housewives when they went after you for not being honest about the dissolving of your marriage on the show. Honestly, it was none of our (the viewers especially) business that your marriage was ending. But! Your children's feelings are the most important and I applaud you, LuAnne, for protecting their feelings by not talking about your marriage while the kids were in the room. There's a time and place for that and on camera is not the place! Good for you.

Hope you have an excellent summer. Something tells me you'll have a new man on your arm if you choose to. ;-)