Ramona Singer

Ramona opens up about "ugly memories" she has of her troubled childhood.

on Apr 1, 2010

 

Well, the hardest part of this episode was watching me talk to my good friend Joanie about my father. I have to tell you, I cried and shook all over again. Our conversation was so emotional and struck such a deep chord in me. I am not a perfect person, but I am trying. We are all a product of our environment. It was really difficult for me to share my past with Joanie and everyone else, even now. I have always been so ashamed and have tried to block out those ugly memories I witnessed between my mom and dad.

Even as I am writing this I am crying, crying for the love I never got from my father, crying for the way my mom was abused by my father, crying for the lost childhood I never had because of my father. Unless you lived through this, no one can begin to imagine what it's like. I thank God every day my loving husband Mario convinced me to have my father at our home over Christmas. I needed closure. It would have been even more devastating if he had died and we never made peace with each other. I encourage everyone to make peace with estranged loved ones. By spending time with my father and forgiving him, it freed me of a weight that was always so heavy upon me. I never realized what a heavy burden it was until his passing. Since his death I have been looking at everything differently. I have a calmness to me I never had before. I am trying to think before I speak, though I still have a hard time with it. I find myself constantly saying to people, "I would like to share some thoughts with you, and I do not mean to offend you," or "I hope I don't come across rude, if I did I am sorry" etc. I still have a long way to go, as you will see in future episodes. All I can say is that I am trying and I am aware.

The most important thing is that I never say anything intending to be mean-spirited or vicious, and the people who are my close friends know this about me.