Dear Viewers and Fans,
I know. I didn't have a recap last week. I'm in Europe and time zones and jet lag and cross-continental cocktails are taking their toll. I have a few thoughts about last week, though.
First, I had no idea that entrepreneur rhymes with manure! I pronounce it Entrepre-noor (rhymes with door). Have I been mispronouncing this word my whole life? I love when I learn from the show.
Second, last week's episode didn't inspire me. It happens near the end of the season, I think. I have Housewife recap fatigue. Sonja was also fatigued from reading all of those emails all day. She needed a break so she asked Aviva over to tell her we all talked about her in Montana. If by "the whole time" Sonja meant "for a few minutes at dinner one night," then, yes. We were talking about Aviva the whole time. Ramona took it so far as a possible phone call, but by the time she walked back into the Antlers, to make the call (eight seconds later), we were all bored with asthma so didn't bother to call or even think of it again. The whole time? I laugh when the recap of the event never matches the scene.
Have you noticed that Sonja's stories never track?
There were some genuine moments though. Heather singing, me mailing. Everything Heather does is with style, grace, and talent. She can sing, too? She can knock out "Bill Bailey" on a dime, with Billy Stritch? I love her anyway. My talents are much less obvious, but I do write a mean suck-up letter to my big mouth friends. That scene could have been longer, too, had anyone been interested. Were you? I sold Russ' piano on Craigslist for $2,000 and two muscly moving men came to haul it away in the middle of all that mess. It made me a little sad, then Mark, my contractor, got grumpy with my change orders -- so there was tension. You might have loved it! Then after I signed a million letters I walked to Lenny's with three big boxes of books. Remember Lenny, my mailman from last season? He's 92 years old now and he gets grumpy, too. He wasn't pleased when I spilled the boxes of books all over the floor of his mailroom. So you also missed a grumpy Lenny. (I love Lenny.)
I'm still on vacation. The Amalfi coast was beautiful, then Rome and a visit to the Vatican where a sweet Aussie tourist noticed me and asked me for a selfie. We chatted, but I declined the photo. It's the Vatican! Though I took it as a sign that God approves of my decision to appear on a reality show. I made a quick pass through Paris, and now it's London, my second favorite city in the world. And then back to my favorite. . .(New York.)
It's My Party and I'll Have Butterflies If I Want To
Wait, I'm in London in real life and also in reality life. Life imitating life imitating art. Weird coincidence? Or maybe not.
Yes, I left instructions! I was landing in NY one day before the party, there was no room for error. I'm a perfectionist and also, BOSSY. Kate and Eric are clever, but I had to call in the Big Guns. As the old adage goes, if you want something done give it to the busiest person you know. Holla!
I know you've all noticed and I'm coming clean right now, so don't tweet that I'm a hypocrite. Yes. Heather and I have the same glasses. I copied her. Or she copied me. We bought them together at Moscot on 6th Avenue. We both loved them and we both bought them.
But apparently Heather and I do not share that same love of butterflies and chandeliers hanging in trees lit by a low rising Harvest moon. Who doesn't love that? Option # Last. What? Sonja didn't get a permit to throw Milou's ashes into the river so I don't see how my little butterflies would be a problem.