When I met Slade, he kind of opened up this whole new world of possibility. He kinda showed me a different life and a different lifestyle. And that can whet your appetite. You know, you become more and more curious. And so, I kind of got into the rhythm of going over and being with him all the time and having everything taken care of. Before you knew it, I wasn't working any more. And he was paying for everything. I think getting engaged to him, I lost myself living in his care. I lost who I was, I lost my drive, and my motivation, because everything came so easy. And about a year and a half into it, I realized I was drinking a lot. It's nothing that he did. It's the decisions that I made. I just realized that I was really unhappy. And I definitely wasn't ready to be married or to raise kids. I realized that I kept myself from fully maturing and fully growing up.
The scary part in deciding to break off an engagement is that you're not sure what your future holds. Being a really ambitious and driven person, I like to pre-plan everything, and not knowing what the future holds is really scary.