Awesome piece!!

This could be your best blog on the net

Tamara, I think it's great that you can finally release your supression secret of abuse in regards to Simon. I disagree with the beings telling you to hang in there, life is to short. Simon acts as if he found a newer model. He complains about everything under the sun.
I know how that is I was with a Forensic CPA in Huntington Beach and he mentally abused me, humiliated me, lie, cheat would go out of his way to saay & do hurtful things to me.
I thought I could never live without him I loved the lifestyle. However 3 months later I have peace of mind, I no longger have sleepless crying myself to sleep nights, I no longger have low self esteem (due to him breaking me down) and me trying to please him and never could.

It was hard I moved out I was alone no family, I was homeless, no car, no emotional support. BUT I DID IT!! and will NEVER sacrific my dignity / integrity. What doesn't kill you only makes you strongger.

I'll keep you in my prayers and know once you get away and reflect,regroup, rebuild you will see the sky is the limit you can do whatever you want to. age is just a number. Be strong hold your head up and don't give Simon the satisfaction to see you cry. Good Luck

M.Armendariz

Hey,I really don't understand how you deal with all the drama.
I would never want to have friends like the ones you have and I would never deal with people coming between me and my husband ever.

Tamara

So often while watching the show, I've seen how conflicted your husband makes you. I too have a controlling husband. While I don't approve of how he has several times gotten in the middle of your choices on friendships. However, I am sad to see in upcoming episodes that there is divorce talks. Been there, done that! Step away from what other people think right now, because I am pretty sure he is no different now then when you married! Show your son what loyalty is all about...he may be 23 but he still looks up 2 u.

Hang tuff during the divorce.

OMG TAMRA!!!
You are just amazing.. i love you :)
i adore your looks. you are simply great!!!!
and this story is just wow.. tough love is the best kind of love. Just keep your head held high, and i gaurentee you that things between your son and husband will get a lot better.
well i love you and wish you guys the best of luck Tamra:))!!

Tamara,
Didn't you get together w/ Simon when Ryan was still a very young child...younger than the son you have w/ Simon now? I had my first child at 19 and I had her in daycare and worked 6 days a week too. She is now 13 in 4 Honors classes member of CJSF, a Cheerleader, etc...it's honestly NOT about WHAT you put them in that makes them well rounded, it's what YOU put into them that does...if you choose to put "finding a new man" as a Bigger priority rather than teaching Ryan how to be a good Kid (or kid at the time) then yes, that is on you for sure...BUT you met and Married Simon when he was still a "kid" so why all of the troubles still..Ryan is choosing his own path and YOU are enabling him to NOT be responsible...STOP...and buckle down...Ryan's choices in life are NOT your responsibility...they are HIS...you can love him, and tell him that...but don't cover, bail him out, or enable him anymore..let him fall down, that is the only way anyone EVER learns anyway..right? You are smarter than that...AND get off the show...save your marriage...who cares how much "lavishness" you do or don't have in the end..you need your family and that includes Simeon..no one really cares about you guys as much as you may think...there is a "New" show or person every 5 minutes in America...live your life in private..and restore some dignity...you always come off as something other that you really are..just shut it down and fix what is broke! Cheers!

Hi Tamara,

I love that you are focusing on the teen moms charity. As someone who works in Child Protective Services, your time in doing stuff for the teen moms is 100% more important than what is going on with you adults. At the end of the day, you don't want to remembered as the one who couldn't get along with Gretchen. You want to be the one who was remembered for your work w/ the teen moms. You were a teen mom and you can show these girls that success is possible. Please keep it up. Those of us who work in Protective Services need your charitable work much more than we need to see you and Gretchen going at each other.

I was in the EXACT same situation and carry the guilt with my 16 year old. I have spent the last 10 years trying to make up for it. I see so much of Ryan in my own and I get worried because had I had the tools to be a better mom, maybe he wouldn't be struggling in school. And my kids do have it so much better than he ever did.

Tamra--think of it this way: Ryan is on his OWN journey that is not yours to steer. You raised him already and did the best you could but he owns his adulthood, NOT YOU. This is his journey, and the thoughts you have surrounding him can make or break him. So shift into pure positive thoughts/energy about every subject containing Ryan and watch what happens.

Tams, I so admire you for reaching out to Gretchen. You understand women and have many female friendships. Other women are just incapable of being friends with women or men. You clarified to her that her Blogs are inaccurate. What more did she want? She showed her true colors when she refused to remove her Blog about you. I'm so sorry. I never read anything G. posts here, there or elsewhere.

Tamra I agreed with Simon when he told you to give your son some consequences. I totally see your side too. My mother would do the same for me. I have been a lot like the female version of Ryan..and my mother has always been my enabler with the best "intentions" for me...but =m just now learning to be an adult at 29. If she wouldve put some consequences in my life and not helped me out of everything sometimes even behind my dads back, I prob wouldve grown up Alot faster. Dont get me wrong shes my best friend and I do not blame her a bit...I love her for all shes done. It takes a true adult to respect you when you say "i have to let you fail on your own, and pick up the pieces on your own"....if ryan is the adult u want him to be he would love and respect u for giving him that independence....Im a mpther of 2 boys myself...I cant say what Id do...just what Benefited me...and most...I have 2 very successful sisters, so just like you, I know my momis great!
I THINK UR GREAT TAMRA

Dear Tarma.

I watched tonights show when it was finished I just had to come and let you know you are not alone friend!
Also having 4 children 27,27,26& 25 it's been such a rocky life for me,I'm remarried also the kids dad are still in their life's the 16 years of marriage took it's toll,as I went into a very deep depression & Anexity so major that lost my job,was homeless for almost a week after the divorce.
I'm just wanting you to know alittle about me before I comment if you don't mind if it's alright?
The x-husband did'nt help much with the kids as they got into their teen years,it got so bad that if I said anything out of my mouth in anger,I was told that I would be turned in to the DHS!
So I had to set back and watch my childern get worse(tears sorry)
Then when my mom and dad passed away in 93&94 it changed me somehow,I started to use their methods that they used on my brothers and I to cope with my loss and to regain my kids Love they knew they had for me in their hearts they knew they Loved me when I left their dad and they decided to stay with him and I was all alone scared as ever in my Life!
Then now my marriage now my husband and my 25 year old son did'nt get along for so log Tamra!
I was in the middle of all of it,husband would tell me what I had to do,my son said no I'm not going to do what he says! then I would get the 3rd degree.
I seen the hurt in your eyes tonight the look I had before.
It will get better promise Simon Loves you so much I could see it Tamra.
My son took my car one day got stoned&drunked ended up in a ditch and if he would of been a 1/2 inch over to the left of the light pole he would of been gone(tears again sorry)
That woke his step dad up,their more closer then ever now Tamra God will guide you and Simon though this.
About a month ago my son had to take some community service letter to the courthouse and talk to the judge,I took him and waited in the car,Tamra I always would go with him,this time he went inside took care of it all by himself and I'm so proud to know my son is a man know(tears)
Tamra & Simon your Awesome parent's don't let no one tell you other wise.

Hi T!
I love how you are so out spoken and you speak with what is on your mind! Besides all of that my son thinks your so pretty and he is only 21 months old. I record the show and watch it in the morning but, when he is eating his cherrios he hears your voice and stops and smiles and points. Its totally cute!! Well, I hope you and Simon will work things out and my prayers are for your son ryan as well too!!! Hope this finds you in good spirits. Take Care and thank you again for always being you!!

Tamra,
I completely relate to and understand your comment......"guilt" I have a very similar situation. At the time you were doing everything you could to provide the basics of life. Unfortunately it is not until you are a little older that you realize how much more he needed. I am so pleased to hear that Ryan is doing better, makes me hopeful for my son. I understand the conflict with supporting a husband but also that constant want to give back some of what you feel like your child missed out on.
They are good kids who make poor choices and that is the struggle. I refuse to turn my back on my child and would do anything for him, but i realize maybe just like I had to grow up to see things differently he may have to do the same.
Good Luck and keep your head up!!!!

Tamra, you are so pretty!! Amazing you've had 4 kids. I am sorry, but I feel for Simon. I have a teenage stepdaughter and know how difficult it has been for me. All I can recommend is possibly good counseling!!! I love your pink dog!

You're the best!

Dear Tamra-
I think that it is great that after you expierienced something hard like being a teen parent that you now help other mothers with the same situation, you probably wish you had this help when you were living it. Have a little faith hat SOMEDAY your son will have a better relationship with his father and be thankful of him.

Hey Tamra, you are the mom you are and a good one at that. No guilt!! OK? Ryan is an adult now and he has the choice to go whichever way he chooses. These are his decisions and he needs to own up to them. NO blame to you. Time for him to step it up and become a man. You have such a great hubby in Simon. I'm so glad you have chosen to NOT keep the stupid riff going with you know who. But you are the best and really are a fantastic mom, wife, friend and all around person. And BEAUTIFUL!

Tamara, while I don't always agree with some of the things you say, I can see that you love your family. It sounds like you are all on the way to being in a good place from where you were during filming. I know how financial troubles can wear on a family. Be kind and be happy!

Love you....love you....and you ARE the hottest Housewife! :) Love watching Housewives of OC and love your spunk! You are a great mother and Simon is a great father...Ryan will learn this one day and will be kicking himself in the @ss for all the opportunities he has passed on. Keep your head high and keep on smiling...love watching you!

Tamra
I think you became a good mother you chose to have your baby. As far as the car situation, my 16 year old son also took my car without permission, he ended up in a terrible car accident and the only thing I could think of was how grateful i was to still have him alive. As parents both of you need to take a step back and love and support your children, put i behind you and focus on the future, Life is too short!
Also give Gretchen a break, we have all been there before, you should know better than to judge another like that. Yes she's young and pretty and we all make mistakes! Move on, you have so much already, perhaps you can continue to be her friend and mentor her in some positive way!
xoxo
Bella

Tamra, Your a great mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep up the good work. Debbie

Tamara. you did the best you could and you worked really hard for Ryan when he was a baby. you have npothing to guilt yourself over. it will all work out. try meditating, and trust the love you gave and still do. connect up with Laurie and ask her what she thinks, after her son when to rehab she might provide ideas or at least a good hug.

Tamara,
You are a good mother.Don't beat yourself up because you were not able to provide Ryan some of the luxuries that your little ones are exposed to. These things enhance our lives, but they don't define who we are. I know many of "rich" kids that have fallen into a bad way and conversely those that were raised poor, who are extremely successful. He's alive, brilliant handsome guy, if he wants to do some of the cultural things that your little ones are doing...HE CAN. HE'S STILL YOUNG!!!

TAMRA, PLEASE PLEASE READ THIS: I am so sorry you think that you let Ryan down because when he was born and raised, you neither had money, nor the ability to stay home with him like you have for your other children. If I may, I would like to tell you how I survived my relationship with my father who was both physically and emotionally abusive, and was able to be at his bedide without guilt or anger when he passed. I know that he knew that I forgave him. I think if that had not the case, I would have gone crazy when he passed. As I have aged and became a mother, I figured this out: If a person (or couple) wants to have children (whether planned or not) and they want the best for their children, they do their very best they can at the time and place that they were in at that time. When I did that, I was able to forgive myself for not being a "perfect" parenT. I hope this helps!!! Blessings!

Tamra, Try to get rid of your guilt over Ryan's childhood. A lot of people didn't have charmed childhoods. You did all you could do with what you had to work with, at the time. Your guilt is causing you to enable him in a big way. When you get tougher, Ryan will become stronger. I'll bet it's hard for you to deal with the position Simon has taken, however he is just trying to teach Ryan a thing or two. Remember, you did everything you could to raise Ryan in a good way. As far as being active in your younger children's schools, sports, activities, etc., when they're Ryan's age it won't matter anymore, because they'll be on to newer things. Hang in there, and don't feel so guilty. Ryan is lucky that you saw the pregnancy through and all that goes with that. Good luck, Tamra.

What did wearing weird wigs have to do with a Bunco Party?

I can see wearing them for Halloween, but for playing dice???

Tamra -

I just LOVED the "Wigged Out" Bunco. I only regret that I didn't know you played or would be playing. I'm an artist who, among other things, makes fun themed Bunco Party Kits. I would love to make one just for you or offer you any on my site - just contact me! Keep on rolling those dice and having fun!

Tamra - as much as you feel you failed Ryan, I don't think its too late for him to be helped. He may be older - but doesn't seem to be fully 'grown up' quite yet. He still needs help and guidance. I believe Simon is hurt for good reason, but also is working to do right by Ryan with rules and consequences. You and Simon do so much for him which (based on the show) he seems to not appreciate. Maybe its time for some tough love in order to whip him into shape and find some direction in life - but its never too late. Chin up!

Even though I was not a single mother, my third son who is now in his late 20's, WAS a Ryan. I cried so many tears
over this child who had no ambition and would make no commit
ments to anything or anyone in his life. Every day he would
fight with me or his father, over his job situation
(usually nothing ) or late night ( or all night ) hours. Then sleep until 2 or 3pm.
His attitude was one of disrespect to anger to all of
a sudden a sweet boy, because he " needed something."
MONEY. Then one day he met a girl, and his entire life changed. She got him up early, scolded him for his nasty
mouth, got him a job, and then WHAM. She was pregnant. He was the happiest I have ever seen him, and they got married, and he started college.

UPDATE. They have been married 6 years and have 2 beautiful daughters, with school behind them, and great jobs. He apologized to us for all of his behavior, and said he can't believe he did all of that.

So, Tamra, just wait. There is something just
waiting around the corner for Ryan that will open his
eyes and change his world forever. Just keep loving and
praying for him. Let him know every day you love him.

In the meantime, keep your friendships intact, especially
Gretchen's. Do NOT shut her out. She absolutely loved Jeff
with all of her heart, and the " old men rich jokes " are hurtful. They would have to be. I can see it in her face, and they certainly cut through me, and I do not even know
her. Never, ever judge until you have been there.
You ladies should know that by now after all of your fights.
Sorry for the long post. Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Love you!!!
Vicki

Tamra,

It is very clear that you are a classy person. I still think Real Housewives would interesting if they didn't play up the drama or edit scenes. You are all real people with real problems- like everyone else. The only difference is perhaps the extraordinary lifestyles that surround you (luxury goods, homes,etc).

I hope everything works out and that your family can get back on track financially (to the same standard of living you had before). I also hope that everything works out with your son Ryan. I have a cousin that is very similar to Ryan and grew up in a very similar situation. There is still hope for him to get on the right track.

Have a great Holiday and I hope 2010 is rewarding for you!

Tamra, Having raised three sons who are now grown I know the challenges and the friction that can come between a husband and wife.The best thing you can do is get help for Ryan. He needs help findinghis way.I can't blame Simon for being so upset.After all he sees what Ryans bad choices have done to you.That hurts Simon because he loves you and doesn't want you unhappy.Some kind of counseling might help you all. Do it together and it will help. Sometimes a neutral party can make sense of a situation.I just want you to know after all the stress and worry and arguing that goes along with raising sons, mine all turned out great.Ilove them and they love me and we all respect each other.That day will come, I assure you!

Tamra, you were/are doing the best you can do for your children now and in the past, that speaks volumes and i truly admire you for that. you are the most "real" housewife in my opinion. luv ya!

I have a son like Ryan, and I was home with him. He would have been the way he is even if you had been home. Also, my son comes between my husband and I and it is his natural born son. I feel your pain and I am sorry you have this trial. Think of the 3c's of addiction...you didn't cause it, you can't cure it and I don't remember the other one. lol.

Hi Tamra, Out of the housewives I can relate to you the most. I had a daughter at 18 and raised her as a single mom and it is really difficult. She is now 23 and is ready to go to law school. All I can say just love him(Ryan).He will do well in life and be there for him.M y daughter did too suffer the pitfalls of having a teen mom. But we made it through and God smiled on us.Keep your chin up I'm rooting for you because I know you are a reaaly good person. God Bless you and your family!

Tamra....Ryan could easily be my son...who will be turning 24 soon...and your husband could be mine. The situation is exactly the same! My son even does the tattoo thing just like Ryan! :o) I realized the wedge between those two, for whatever reason, stemmed from my husband's insecure personality...even though my son was 4 when I started seeing my husband. He's always been jealous of the mother/son relationship. I don't get it either and I wish you the best. I know the wedge...and I know the hurt. Stay tough, chicky!

I left my highly lucrative, Wall Street job to spend time with my daughter, despite many telling me that it was a bad decision. I haven't regretted a second of it yet. I was able to do it, and I took the opportunity. Not everyone can. I think you are absolutely right that Ryan got a bad deal, not to the fault of anyone involved. If Simon could acknowledge that to Ryan (for you), perhaps Ryan could deal a little bit better with the dramatic difference in the childhoods and understand that it doesn't have to hold him back.

Good luck.

I know how you feel Tamra, I am in the same position with my 21 year old son. Although I was not a young single mom, my son had many advantages and maybe that was the problem. He's facing 60 days in jail for criminal negligence stemming from a car accident where he fell asleep at the wheel and injured two other people. My husband and I provided so much for our son, but his poor judgement is something he'll have to live with and deal with for a long time. My heart breaks for him, but I know that this must be his destiny, and it has nothing to do with me. I hope Ryan and my son will learn from their young mistakes and mature into responsible young men that we will be able to brag about sometime in the near future.

Sweet post! You have a beautiful Mother's heart! Please tell Bravo that it's BUNKO, not Bonco. LOL I just moved into a new neighborhood a couple of months ago. I hope to start a bunko group here sometime after the first of the year b/c I'm expecting to go into labor any day now. You're totally right. Mothers need support too. I'm in a Mom's playdate group and it helps a LOT to socialize with other Moms and support one another while the kiddies play. Merry Christmas!

We can only do our best, sometimes it is better to let go then to try to make things easy for our kids. Make your marriage your priority and build a strong relationshiup with Simon.

I can feel your pain when it comes to your son and husband not liking each other. I have a very similar situation between my 22 year old daughter and my husband (not her father.)

Blended families are tough...and when your spouse doesn't like your child, it's horrible and a pain that no one should have to feel. Really.

Hi Tamra,

It is hard not to feel guilty when it comes to kids - we all do. You did the best you could with what you had when raising him. You worked hard to provide for him. Hindsight is 20/20 so don't beat yourself up! You ARE a good mother!

Tamra,

My wife watches your show a lot. I think you are the most beautiful, charasmatic, and intelligent housewife on the show! You amaze me how you NEVER age and you are always beautiful - even when taking care of your young kids!! Simon is a very, very blessed man. I hope life (and the show) brings you MUCH joy in the future!

Holden

Tamra, try not to let Ryan see your guilt. It will make him feel less responsible for his own behavior, as he will think that if you blame yourself, it is OK for him to blame you, too. I know that you did the best you could with Ryan when he was little. Lots of moms have to work long hours and have to raise children on their own. It is not something to regret or be ashamed of. Your shame and regret makes Ryan focus on what he may have lacked, not what he had. I am sure he had lots of love, laughter and support from you then, just as he does now.

I hope that you both can remember that good times from Ryan's childhood and forgive each other for the bad. Don't give him any reason not to be his best.

I wish the best for you all.

stop feeling guilty Tamra....you worked hard to raise Ryan....I also had a young mom and I respect her and understand so much now that I am a parent....he will too one day, he probably already does....stop feeling guilty!! Just give him love and guidance and all is well...

Tamra,

The Bunco Party was so much fun! I think that the rest of the show should have been a little more light hearted. Sometimes we want to escape our own lives and watch what other people do but don't always want to see ALL the problems that people are really facing! Thank god your party livened up the show!!!!

xoxo,
CJ

Tamra you come accross as such a strong and solid wife/mother/friend. Although I dont have any kids I see what a wonderful mother/wife you are and all the issues you have to deal with and how stong you stand. Ryan is no differnt than any boy his age and you have done a wonderful job raising him as a single parent, things could always be worse. Me seeing cope with you have gives me the confidence as a wife to think I can handle what I have. Your a woman to be looked up to.