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Vicki Gunvalson

Taking the High Road

Vicki talks about a girls weekend gone wrong.

Dec 17, 2009

Lynne was only 10 days out of having her facelift surgery and was a real trooper. She still had staples in her head and was scabbed up and really did much better than I expected. I think she looks fabulous and am so proud of her recovery and results.

People have asked me a lot about Gretchen and Slade's relationship and all I have to say is if Gretchen is happy, then that's all that matters. I'm bothered while watching this week's episode that the only thing Slade can bad-mouth about me is that "I'm controlling and that I couldn't control the situation" is the furthest from the truth. If I was controlling to the point he thinks I am, I would have gone with them on the boat and made everyone including myself uncomfortable.. By NOT going, I feel was the right thing to do and was the furthest thing from being controlling. I think he was not right in talking about me, as I have tried to stay out of his way and be quiet when it comes to him. What I did was NOT controlling. Regarding Slade dating Gretchen, I have so many people come to me and tell me how Slade uses people and takes advantage of "opportunity", that I guess I'm being somewhat over protective to Gretchen. I just don't want to see her get hurt after just healing from the death of Jeff. I hope Slade is everything she thinks he is, and wish them both well.

When I was asked about Simon and Tamra, all I have to say is watching this year so far and what they have both said about me while the cameras are rolling is nothing more than hurtful. I care about Tamra a lot and just want her to know that I will be there for her no matter when she needs me, Simon on the other hand is a separate matter. Tamra has said many times that she thinks Simon and I are a lot alike, (independent and strong) but I don't see that at all. While I agree with her that I am independent and strong because that's the only way I know how to be to survive in a "business owners world," I do not control or tell Donn what he can and cannot do. Tamra and Simon mentioned because they have little children that their life is different than ours, and I agree with that. It does not mean that it's not healthy for a woman to have a few days apart with some girlfriends to recharge and have fun. I think that is what a healthy relationship is made of is balance. All girls need some girl time, just the way guys need guy time. It's just too bad that the Florida trip turned out to be so confrontational because I don't think it had to be that way.

 

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I felt so bad for Vicky about the entire girls weekend, it turned into a couples weekend. Even Lynn felt weird being around all the couples. I would have left if I was Vicky, and would want to plan another trip with them ladies.

Vicki, I usually have issues with you, but you were spot on. How uncomfortable and different the weekend would be. And you put this trip together, so you had every right to be unhappy about it. Watching that boat trip you didn't go on, right on. How miserable I would have been without my husband sitting there as the single person.

Putting together the trip as a girls weekened and then sitting around with all couples who are acting like couples would not be my idea of fun.

I'm so proud of you - it's just disgraceful that women allow themselves to be controlled to that extent. Rather than hijacking a girls weekend by bringing husbands, they could have just declined the trip? Very disappointing and I agree with you completely. Stay strong!!

So sorry the weekend was ruined by over controlling husbands who are terrified to leave their wives for a few days. You and Donn have the NORMAL relationship and stand strong behind your beliefs. We all love you and are sorry they ruined your weekend.

I agree with you. I would have felt the same way. Even Lynn said she felt uncomfortable.

Vicki, I totally agreed with you the entire time while you were on the trip! My husband was watching with me and was also annoyed by the others for bringing their spouses. We (my husband and I have been together for 7 years and have been married 3), we have a TON of trust between us and neither one of us would ever have an issue with the other one taking a fun trip with friends. In my opinion you and Don are on the right track, you have trust and have life beyond each other. That is a GOOD thing!

I enjoy watching you as an independent woman...you are an inspiration for women!

Stand tall behind your beliefs Vicki.. You and Don have the normal marriage and its nice to see someone who doesn't have a controlling husband afraid of leaving their wives for a few days. Time will show the what these controlling marriages are really built on. We love you Vicki

Vicki, you are a hard working and high spirited woman but is stubborn at most times. Yes, it is offensive when someone makes a comment about your marriage or your children or anything very close and dear to you. It is good to stand your ground but there are times it is good to let go and have a great time. The girl's men should have been more respectful to the idea of the the trip. You are learning to becareful what to say, maybe it is time to learn not to worry about what other people think of you. Also, there is no such thing as a perfect or normal relationship. Everyone has their own ideas of how they what their marriage to be. Don't shut others out because you don't agree with their relationship they have with their spouse. You were obviously jealous and annoyed of the other girls on this episode, a side I never noticed before. It was a little disturbing.

I feel for you. I totally understand that you felt like the 3rd wheel. I understand that you weren't feeling uncomfortable. Try to be more positive and look at the glass half empy.

I have been watching since season one. Interesting how dynamics change as the personalities change. While not always in agreement in what Vicki has done I have to say that I fully understand her actions and her emotions about this trip. There is absolutely nothing wrong with time with your friends. I would have felt the same way if I had invited my "girls" and their men tagged along. It is not about controlling, why does that have to continue to be the bitch issue, it is about having a brain of your own to make a decision on your own. If the other "wives" wanted to include their husbands/boyfriends then just decline the invite. It was made clear from the start that it was a girls only time. Vicki, you did the right thing and next time, trust your gut.

WOMEN CAN GO OUT AND HAVE A GOOD TIME TOGETHER...I FIGURED IT OUT VICKI..IT IS THOSE MEN THAT ARE SO INSECURE THEY CAN'T LET THEIR WIVES GO SOMEWHERE W/O THEM..THEY ARE TOO FUNNY..THINK ABOUT IT, ALTHOUGH WOMEN ALWAYS SAY OH..I'LL MISS U..ONCE THERE THEY CAN HAVE A GOOD TIME. IF U THINK ABOUT IT, IF A WIFE PASSES AWAY EARLY,,MEN ARE LOOKING WITHIN A FEW MONTHS ..WHERE IT MAY TAKE A WOMAN A COUPLE OF YRS.

Hi Vicki:

I just saw the Florida show and completely am in your corner! These guys are so ridiculously insecure that they buldoze their way onto a trip they were never invited on. You organized the trip and did not invite them and I really do not recall the wives inviting them either.

Obviously its always best when on a girls trip the girls hang with the girls and on a couples trip the couples hang with the couples. This show made that obvious especially on the sunset cruise when they were all being lovey dovey and Lynn was sitting off to the side. How RUDE can you be!!!!!!!!!!

It is a great shame that men today are such wimps that they have to badmouth an independent strong woman because it makes them feel less. Soooooo insecure its amazing!!!

You go girl! don't them them get you down!!!!

Madison 909

Vicki, I thought it was totally rude that the husbands came on the "girls" trip!! The wives should just not have gone on the trip if they could not be without their spouse for a couple of days. I was getting mad for you as I was watching! There is a difference when you are just with the girls and when you are with the girls and husbands. Sometimes it is nice to get away and relax with the girls!!

I totally felt heartbroken for Vicky and I am not even usually in agreement with her actions. EVERY woman knows that the dynamic completely changes when it is couples versus women alone. She planned a girls weekend and they changed it. If nothing else it was rude.I don't know why they don't get that. How would the guys feel if they planned a golf outing and the women turned it into a baby shower? Lynne was by herself during the cruise when all the couples were paired off. Can't travel without each other? Then don't accept the invitation.

hi vicki i just wanted to say that it was wrong of the girls to even come if they were just going to bring the guys knowing you didnt want it to be the way it turned out

You are right, i don't think it was right for the other girls to invite their husbands.Also how could your own friend talk about you behind your back,I think Alexis and Tamra should have been able to go to the girls weekend alone.Their husbands were acting like it was for a month or longer, so they had to come. I like the fact while on the yacht Lynne even said she knew how you felt about the the guys coming along, because it was couples and she was alone.

You made it perfectly clear that you wanted a girls trip. You know, I don't really know what goes on behind the cameras or what the producers of the show to want, but in real life, the husbands coming to a girl trip are just little puppy dogs following their wives around because they do not trust them. That is all it amounts to. But, I so understand your disappointment with the men showing up. It seemed to me that Grethen was coming without Slade. I thought she understood the girl time. If this wasn't a producers ideal for the men to show up, then you have every right to be upset with the girls husbands showing up. I felt for you and understood your disappointment. Alison Siniard

Oh Vicki! I could not believe how the women reacted to this weekend! I cannot envision having friends that cannot get away for a girl weekend...NO MEN. This only happens about twice a year but my husband would NEVER intrude. He has his weekends, I have mine. I think it is very healthy for the realationship. I think these women will find themselves alone one day and not know what to do because they focused so much on one person and not on THEIR life as a whole. I feel for you...If you are looking for an extra, I am game for a weekend away!

Hello Vicki . . .

I was bothered by this weeks episode too. I feel that it was rude and disrespectful of everyone for assuming it was ok for the men to come on the Florida trip. I mean, YOU were the one who asked the girls and if they could not come because their husbands did not want to let them to go alone, then the girls should have just said thank you, but that they were not able to attend and leave it at that.

I do realize that this show is supposed to have drama, but I could understand how you felt during that trip. I would have felt like the odd person out too, had I been in that situation. I wonder about your continued friendship with Tamra. She will most likely support her husband and try to be friends with you, but most women would not choose a friend over a husband, especially if he is the one supporting the family.

I admire you and your independence and am glad to see you connecting with your husband again. It is nice to see. :) I do hope you can resolve the issues that you currently have with some of the other OC wives. I wish you the best! You are the remaining "original" OC housewife, now that Jeana has taken a break, so you got to keep it going and remember to say when you feel frustrated, "This too shall pass!"

Merry Christmas!

Mary

I agree completely. If the trip was initially a girl trip then it shoulf have stayed that way. Since Vicki planned it then it should have been brought to her if the other wives wanted to bring thir husbands. And if the couples wanted to go out and be all lovey dovey, then they should plan a separate couples trip. It's not fair of them to change the texture of the trip Vicky planned and expect her to be ok with it. And then its even worse for them to talk about her the way they did when she reacted the way any normal person would.

I don't often agree with you but, this week you are EXACTLY right. It was more than rude for those girls to invite their husbands on a girls weekend. The men need to understand that sometimes when we go away for a bit, we come back revived- more appreciative of them and it is exciting all over again to be with them.

yes i think it went so wrong the girls should have respected the fact of a girlweekend.. dont worry even if ur not my favorit im with u on this one

You and I are alot alike, "What comes up comes out" and people can't handle that. I agree with you about the girls trip. They shouldn't have invited their husbands. I feel like it was disrespectful as your friend, especially Tamra. What woman can't go on a trip without her husband? If she can't, then they are either controlling, have trust issues, or maybe both. We as women should have lives outside our mates. People have to have lives outside of the kids & husbands. It is called independence! You Go Girl!

Hello- I have the upmost respect for you. You are a strong woman and you are not submissive. You have a backbone and you are assertive. Like me. Your marriage is just like mine. Onl;y I am a Navy wife. It's true, it takes a special woman! And you my dear would be perfect for this! :o)

Vicki I am so on your side. I adore more husband soooooo much. We have been married for over 10 years, but at the same time I am an independent woman! Have these women ever heard of absence makes the heart grow fonder!!? Wait a few years girls you will be begging to get away.

Vicky- I havent had many role models, but as I've begun learning you more and more I can say that you have become my role model. I appreciate your work ethics and your unapologetic nature for your success. You are who you are and that's the bottom line. I feel that the spouses of your cast mates are intimidated by your success and you know what that's their insecurities to over come. Thank you for not waivering from who you are. At any point if you are ever giving a conference or seminar please let me know. It would my delight to be able to mentor under you as I journey into my successes...

The women who brought men were wrong in doing so, The invatation was for a lady's weekend period! If one of those womens husbands forbade them to accept the invatation, then they should have passed and accepted his wishes. afterall it was a specific invatation for the lady's only.

Vicki, I understand why you were disappointed and did not want to go on the sunset cruise. You and Donn travel and do things separately but that doesn't mean it works for everyone. You are a sensitive person and need to realize that Tamera is married to Simon and he is the way he is. Let it go. Sometimes it is time for a change. I really think you have outgrown these women and are at such a different place in your life. You are very successful with or without this show. I do agree with you about Slade, I hope Gretchen watches her back. Good luck Vicki!

I think you are right to feel cheated by inviting the girls to Fla. and the men came along. If they wanted a vaca. with the men, they should have planned it. This was supposed to be just the girls. My husband agrees but then we have always done things separetly and together. Another thing--when selling life insurance to someone, make sure they know that the beneficiary is not responsible for the deceased persons bills. My friend's husband just past away and she found the beneficiary on his life insurance was his mother. Now she's stuck with the bills.

Vicki,

While during the entire run of Real HW of OC, I have found myself siding with one or another of you, I am so on board with you tonight that I must comment! Is this show not entitled "Real Housewives of Orange County?" as opposed to "Real husbands/boyfriends of Orange County Housewives?" I watch this show for the women, NOT for their sidekicks. Maybe this comment is better directed to Andy Cohen??? Anyway, you handled the sabotage of "girls weekend" with grace, by simply excusing yourself from the activities.

I hope we don't end up losing you as we did Jeanna.

Come on Bravo, let's get back to the WIVES, not the tag-a-longs!

I had to come find your blog to let you know that I think that your idea for the "girls trip" was a great one & very thoughtful. I think that the girls bringing their husbands was very inconsiderate of them... you don't take advantage of a trip that someone else is planning for you. I would have done exactly what you did if I were put in the situation that THEY put you in. Being the oddball out is a horrible and uncomfortable feeling and you shouldn't be made to feel that way. I think that some of these girls should take themselves off of their husbands leashes for a minute and make a few decisions on their own. Being independent is a wonderful thing...some people just aren't brave enough to handle it.

I have never felt the need to ever post a comment, but I just hate what happened to you. I have been watching the show since the first season, and this is the first time I felt someone needed some support. I would have felt the same way if everyones husband showed up. What was the point of a "girls" weekend did they not understand?

I hope you find some good friends who treat you with respect and the friendship you need. These ladies are sure not them. My best wishes to you, and your family. I felt your pain, and have been there myself. I am proud you stuck to your guns, and respected your self by not putting up with the "B.S"! But, Lynn seems like a true person, give her a break!LOL! You are now my favorite housewife!!!

I don't agree with a lot that happens on this show, but I'm totally with Vicki about this girl's weekend. If these women can't travel alone with their girlfriends, without their boyfriend/husbands, then they shouldn't have come. Women need time alone with their girls in order to bond, and have fun...just like men need the same from their buddies. Totally ridiculous that they "never travel alone without my spouse." Give me a break!

Vicki - I totally agree with you. I have been married for over 10 years and have small children. I went away for 5 nights this spring with a group of my girlfriends to Cozumel - it was great. I love my husband but the dynamics are so different when it was just the girls. I don't get all the talk about "temptation" when you are with your friends shopping, relaxing, laying by the beach - it makes no sense!

Vicki,

I agree that women do need a break from their hubbies and bond with their girlfriends now and then. My mom is a strong independent business woman and sometimes guys feel threatened by it. It's like the saying goes if your love something set free. If it comes back it was meant to be.

Vicki, I don't always agree with you, I feel that you may have some jealousy issues with the other girls, but they were way off base with the Florida trip. They knew you had asked them for a GIRLS trip and if they had a problem with that, they should not have come. Instead, they stomped all over your plans and took over. And on top of that they dissed you all over the place!!! I would have been upset too.........I hope you and Tamra make it up, but that won't happen with Simon around.

Vicki, I agree with you. I would've felt the same way if my friends invited their husband to "girls weekend". I try to get together with my girlfriends 1ce a month and I get crap from their husbands!! 1ce a month!!!! seriously!!!! That's not asking for much. I have a great relationship with my husband and we love to be together and we also respect and trust each other to have time apart. I think it's important to have "girl time" and "guy time" and it's makes everything more exciting when you see each other again!

OMG...Can't believe your friends did that to you. You are totally justified in being pissed. You invited them to a "girls wknd" and they turned it into a couples retreat. The worst part is they turned you into a 5th wheel...at your own party.

I don't blame you at all for not joining in at the club and the boat ride....its a totally different atmosphere once you invite men to the party....poor Lynn looked bored to death on that boat...lol

I actually haven't always been a fan of yours, but this weekend was really weird, after YOU invited them they bring their husbands like what is that about??? So weird! Honestly I would not have gone either. I think Simon is a little you know what. I totally agree with you, you extended the invite to the girls the men invited themselves.

Vicki i totally agreed with the way you reacted when the men invited themselves. I would have reacted the same way and the other girls should have understood. I can't believe they way Tamara and Gretchen were acting and the things they said.

Vicki, I love that you are independent and really don't need your husband around at all times to have fun. What I do not understand is why Donn was not invited AFTER you found out the other husbands were going to be there. I am also a very independent woman, but my husband and I do not go out and about without each other, especially on an out of town trip. I love my husband much like the other housewives do theirs, and I do understand that they do not want to be away without their loved ones. I don't think that you should have been so emotional toward Tamara and the other housewives and you should have not held it against them that you were alone and they were not. It is sad, and I just hope that maybe you and Donn can find what is lost and enjoy a relationship together where you hate to be apart! My husband and I live everyday as though we are newlyweds, and that is how a marriage should be. Live life together, share wonderful moments together, and laugh as much as possible together! All that life has to offer should always be together! You would not have married him if that was not your initial intentions!!!

Vicki, I felt sooo bad for you during that Ft. Lauderdale vacation. I totally agree with you in respect to just the girls spending a few days together. My husband and I have been married for 27 years and we trust eachother 100%. He would be encouraging me to go on the trip and to have a great time with my friends. I think all those girls, with the exception of Lynn, intentionally disregarded your feelings. I would not care to call them my friends!! Your marriage is very simular to mine and I love the fact that I can be a secure independent woman and enjoy life, with my husband's blessing! Thumbs up to you and don't change who you are for anyone! I live near Orlando but if I was in Fort Lauderdale that weekend I would of jumped in and supported you all the way and given my opinion to all those other insecure housewives. Keep your chin up... Sherry

I think you are right about the suppose to be girls weekend. The other wives should have left their husbands home. It was'nt a girls weekend.

Hi Vicki! You were absolutely right to be upset about the girls weekend. If they didn't want to go on a girls weekend they shouldn't have gone but to go and take it on themselves to change the weekend you suggested was extremely rude and inconsiderate.What part of girls weekend did they not understand? I wish you and Donn the best of luck you have a beautiful and "NORMAL" family. Happy Holidays!

I hope you have a Merry Christmas Vicki. This viewer thinks you deserve better.

Love,

Sean

Vicky, i feel your pain, it was wrong for the girls to bring their men on the trip (except Lynn) IT WAS GIRLS WEEKEND. YOU ARE CORRECT TO FEEL THE WAY YOU DO.

Vicky..You were absoulutely right in this situation. How rude of the other women to have thier spouses even think of coming in this trip. This trip was organized by you and your invitation. How disrespectful they were. A girls weekend is just that GIRLS ONLY. They have no minds of thier own or independent thinking. Good for you for standing up for yourself. You have a fabulous husband, cherish him. Best Wishes...a fan.

You mean I'm going to DIEE! Well happy holidays to you too Vickie!

Vicki, I remember that you once said that you don't read your blog comments but, I hope that has changed. I am going to be truthful and say that I am not a "Vicki fan" but, you were one hundred percent correct about the situation in Florida. It was your plan, your invitation and your trip. If the other ladies husbands did not agree, then the ladies should not have accepted the invitation. I myself do not like to travel with my husband/best friend of seventeen years and so unless he will be away on business or it is my yearly trip with my sisters, I decline such invitations. Perhaps they should have done the same. I felt much compassion for you in the situation and I have to say that where I have felt many times that you could have handled things better, you were very ladylike this time.