Always Pack a Tide To-Go Stick
Bravotv.com's Assistant Editor distills all the 'Wife wisdom from Episode 13.
You've been waiting all season for this moment. You saw it in the "This season on The Real Housewives of Orange County" teaser after Episode 1, you were just wondering when it would happen. And now, on unlucky Episode 13, the Jeana and Tamra tussle finally plays out in the grand finale. Honestly in six seasons of the show, I can't remember a bigger spectacle than what went down tonight (well "naked wasted"-gate, but that was a different sort of spectacle). All I can say is thank goodness the cocktail of the evening wasn't a jalapeno infused margarita, otherwise there would be a lot of blind Housewives in Orange County.
So were there any takeaways from the first ladies of Bravo (other than BYO safety goggles)? Let's find out.
Is it a good idea to have a huge party immediately after filing for divorce? Well from Vicki's profuse tears and desire to stay holed up in the bathroom, I'd say probably not. You know it's bad when you've been crying so much that Preparation H comes into play. While it may be inconvenient to call your guests and cancel, it seems like it might have been worth it. And when you were just hospitalized for ulcers on top of going through a divorce, I imagine most people would understand.
Guest lists are a tricky thing in Orange County. You'd think it would be a good idea not to invite mortal enemies (i.e. Tamra and Jeana), and go with one or the other, thus avoiding any possible confrontations. But then again, will anyone is Coto really be talking about your party the next day if everyone gets along? Perhaps the best course of action is to invite everyone and just have a bouncer on hand to quickly disarm any drink slinging that may occur.
Oh and always invite Quinn, because she may just whip out her Roxy wig.
A good friend knows just what to say to calm you down. By far my favorite moment of the episode is when Tamra urges Vicki to calm down and think about life insurance. Clearly this is Vicki's version of breathing into a paper bag or imagining a babbling brook, so hats off to Tamra, because it seemed to help.
Good friends don't "crap" on their friend's husband, especially when that husband isn't present. In the latest installment of the seemingly never ending jab debate, Alexis calls out Peggy for "crapping" on her husband, which evidently refers to the Ferrari off. Alexis thinks you should never make jabs at your friend's husband, while Peggy thinks you should never make jabs at your friend. Who's right? Well presumably both of them, so the lesson learned might be to vent your frustrations to a third party rather than confronting the person you're upset with. Because that always works out well...
Always be sure to practice your wine throwing skills before going to a party that your enemy is attending. I mean seriously, Tamra has quite the eagle eye. Maybe she was the pitcher for her softball team in high school? Whatever the reason, she really tossed that wine with deadly accuracy. So either visit your local dunk tank for practice or wear a big smock to any Housewives events in Coto, otherwise you risk some serious red wine stains. At the very least be sure to pack a Tide To-Go stick in your clutch.
Make sure if you're going to throw a drink that it hits your intended target, because you might piss off someone even more fiery. Such was the case with the woman in the blue dress. She got caught in that crossfire and was not going to take that lying down. I think she would have thrown a drink at every person that crossed her path until she sussed out who the culprit was. Whatever you do, never stain a Coto girl's dress, because she will find you and have her revenge.
Well next week get ready for all sorts of reunion goodness. It should be a completely calm, peaceful, almost zen-like affair (If you haven't picked up on the sarcasm yet, something is very wrong with you). Take a look for yourself: