I have a lot of healing to still do, and I continue to grow everyday and explore new emotions, but the emotions you see with Tamra and I in the first episode have been a long time coming. I state it very clearly in my interview when I say, "Tamra said some pretty harsh and horrible things about who I was as a person, and I think I am owed an apology." All I have ever wanted from Tamra was a sincere apology for the false accusations and crude things she said about my relationship with Jeff. She never met Jeff and never knew who Jeff and I were to each other. She just automatically assumed I was a gold-digger and said that Jeff was paying me to take care of him, which was not true. I can’t tell you how many days I think if only Jeff was still alive, he would be able to set all the women straight.
Now to the evil eye comment... I have had so many digs and many things said about me from the women on this show, so when I made a joke about the evil eye hat, I didn’t think it would affect the consistently smack talking Tamra. I was just finally giving the women a taste of their own medicine. Obviously these women can dish it out (for two years) but can't take it when I finally fire something back.
Unfortunately, Tamra has been an evil spirit in my life. She made me believe she was a friend all the while talking tons of crap behind my back and saying some pretty detrimental things about my character. It's not just something you get over or move past. It has affected my life a lot, more than most people, especially Tamra, will ever know. I continue to deal with the aftermath of those accusations every single day still.
I went into that party knowing that I wasn't going to take crap and that I was going to stand up for myself. I was going to wear my heart on my sleeve and just be honest about the way I still felt. I said it in the car, "I was tired of killing people with kindness, and I think I just wanted to be a bitch this time." Well that summed it up pretty well. When Tamra came out and asked me If I was calling her an evil bitch inside, I didn't want to just sweep it under the carpet one more time and try and make nice. So I answered her honestly.
I wasn't drinking any more than anyone else there. Alcohol or not, I would have said the same things. When Tamara's friend CJ said, "Aren't you guys just over this?" I was laughing thinking how everyone just thinks this is something you just get over.
I know this has been a long feud between us, and I sincerely hope one day I won't hold the animosity I do towards her for her false statements, but unfortunately we are on an international TV show, in the press and media, and what she accused me of has made people question who I am. I wish it hadn’t affected me, but it did on many levels.