Lydia McLaughlin

Lydia introduces the world to her mother and reflects on just how much one should forgive.

on May 6, 20130

Another week and another list of moments that I would change and moments that I laugh at.

First off, I would like to reiterate that when we filmed this Alexis and I were just becoming friends. I liked Alexis and I enjoyed my time with her, but at that point I started to see small contradictions in things she says. I was still trying to navigate my friendship with her and develop it. I think the viewers, particularly Alexis' fans, expect me to defend her to no end. Of course a true friend would always stand by a friend. But for me, back then, I was just trying to figure out why the ladies had such issues with her and where I stood with it all.

Alexis herself told me to ask all the ladies why they didn’t like her. I'm being authentic to Tamra and Heather when I say I'm friends with Alexis, but I do see contradictions in her. Looking back, I've learned that with this group of women in particular, you probably just need to pick a side. But I'm trying to be neutral. My personality is to get along with everyone. You will see as time goes on that I become more of an advocate for Alexis and try to bring her back into the group of ladies. I myself am not even a part of the group at this juncture so I wanted to figure out my place before I established Alexis'.

302 comments
jaybar
jaybar

I love you! Your humor is awesome! Much like mine LOL!

 

VeronicaTrevain
VeronicaTrevain

There's only one thing I don't understand. 1. everyone has diferent 'types' of friends (degree of closeness, proximity, things in common, kids, etc.) Those different groups may not all do well at your parties together. And that's OK. 2. The "girls" don't like Alexis. The "girls" are not lonely, they have other friends. And that's OK. 3. Alexis doesn't like the "girls" and Jim has always refused to have anything to do with the men or the couples. Alexis and Jim are not lonely, they have other friends-like the drunk bow eater. And that's OK. So why don't you and Heather stop trying to "bring her back into the group" and feeing "sorry" for her. As you said to Terry about the kids, 'let sleeping dogs lie' and if you don't wan't ruined events don't invite them both. There nothing at all wrong with that.

radar_luv
radar_luv

I think mom was a fairy at The Walnut Room in Chicago @ Christmastime @ Marshall Field. You Tube it.

kst76
kst76

Lets start the countdown until the sweet new girl walks to the dark side

unomas66
unomas66

had you all wrong Lydia... you are one cool chick!  love getting to know what you are about so far!!  revealing your relationship with your mom... that took guts.. on both your parts.  anyway.. you seem to be pretty sincere! we shall see!  i do like you.  at some points you do sound a little childish.. but you seem to have a huge and sincere heart... who can deny that!! 

bravochic
bravochic

Lydia,

 

I really liked you at first but not so much now! You totally backstabbed Alexis and went out of your way to talk about her and listen to others talk badly about her. A true friend would not sit there and listen to others trash a friend - especially with a big smile on your face! Yikes! Also, just saw the preview of you butting in to Tamra and Vicki's conversation at the winery. Butt out! Looks like you are stirring the pot. Too bad you went out of your way to befriend the mean girls right away. 

Bigwednesday
Bigwednesday

You sort of remind me of that 'friend of' housewife in the BH series. The woman that kept talking about the price tag of her eye glasses and her clothes and how she was going to get married in a castle. Remember her?

We can clearly see you have money. Got it. You have money and your mother is a pot head. Got it.

BIGBOO
BIGBOO

Be smart and even if you haven't been smart so far on the show....from your judgement of Alexis and whether she was bullied....NOT YOUR CALL....and be a good Christian and don't get involved in the back stabbing....the critiques and the unlikeable behavior....and maybe you will gain fans....and if you doubt me, look at the public opinions of the three "bullies" and I agree with the majority, Alexis WAS bullied.

piperbeau
piperbeau

Heather this is what you need to do!! next time your invited to a gathering with these woman have your mom twist up a fatty!! i guarantee their wouldn't be as much hate!!! Make sure Tamra hits it first!! maybe she will be nice for once in her life!! Hell I would pay to see Heather stoned!! Now that would be a great episode!!! 

mp.212
mp.212

Your mom is definitely a lot to take in that's for sure! She seemed very whimsical, fairy dust and all!! :) Considering you had only known Alexis for a few months, I feel like it's hard to even classify yourselves as friends to an extent because I don't think you two really knew each other past being acquiantances. And so I don't think you should have to defend Alexis unless you feel she is right and the others are wrong. What you did at the dinner was right. You didn't know the whole story, and Alexis, along with the other women, went crazy so what were you supposed to do but try and defend what (not who) you thought was right. I think that when you were having lunch with Tamra and Heather, like all women, yeah you were talking about another woman (Alexis), but you weren't bashing her; you were simply stating facts and sharing your feelings about her a.k.a. having an adult conversation. I'm anxious to see how things continue to pan out as the season rolls on.

Luv2rocku
Luv2rocku

You seem like a very kind person, I hope and pray you don't get to caught up in all the mood swings of this motley crew. I loved seeing your Mom on the show, she brings some much needed light and airy fairy fun. It's always hard being the new girl. Hang in there. No matter what you do there will always be those who chastise you, Just laugh it off all the way to the bank. And you can always turn it off if it gets to be to much. I do like that you are representing the younger generation of the RHOC. Good luck Lydia. Just have fun with it ..

promotepeace
promotepeace

I absolutely loved your mom! She loves life and doesn't care if anyone else is on board! Happy is the best emotion to surround yourself with! Fairy dust and all....I think she's capable of shining a bright light on the darkest of days! Quite the opposite of the ladies you have to deal with on this show! :(

rosyposy
rosyposy

Your mom needs to be careful throwing "fairy dust" in people's face.  She could cause something like eye irritation.  Most people have a good enough grip on reality to see that she is just being a character, but there are others who could take offense. Was she high on the shopping trip?  Only in California....lol

Sashal1929
Sashal1929

Lydia

 

It was obvious that you saw Tamara when you girls was in that limo and you faked it so Tamara would think that you were neutral.  You straddle the fence and Tamera will turn on you too.  As long as you have it better than her, money, good man, etc.  Tamera will be against you.  You has a glass full of hateration every day.  You are a sell out just like Gretchen.  Tamera is a hater who is only with that man because she cannot find one of hers to use.  You saw Tamara in while you where in the limo and that is obvious to me.  You will regret selling out Alexis for the haters.  You will regret it.  Even if she is inconsistent in what she says, is she hurting anybody.  Tamera, is evil and a hater!

tjjpt
tjjpt

If you ever gonna bring your mom to meet Tamra, Heather, and Gretchen, she needs to sprinkle them with cowdung power because no fairy dust would ever transform them....especially Tamra the ringleader. If you can stay neutral in this group of women, three cheers for you. Just remember not to sell your friend Alexis, i.e. sharing what she said to you privately to those women as a way to build a closer bridge with them like yeah I don't get her sometimes also she is sooooo contradictory. This is bs behavior on your part and it is no neutral behavior. Neutral means you socialize with the OC triads all you want without tearing Alexis down behind her back. And neutral means when socializing with Alexis, you just dont gossip about those three to her either, avoid adding the fuel to the fire, the salt to the wound. Just keep the topics to those that are about you and your friends in front of you. Please stop advising people to forgive, reach out, etc. just dont have too strong an opinion about how conflicts must be resolved. You could not even read this complex dynamic of these housewives' interaction clearly yet. So why dont you just watch and observe for a season before jumping in.

Fluff
Fluff

Ur mom is adorable

quette432004
quette432004

Well Lydia, I'm starting to like and understand you more. I just love your mother. I love your authentisity. You don't try to cover up the real you. Just remember no one has a right to criticize someone to the point of being cruel. It's her life, her man, her marriage and her finances. Commenting on it is very different from attacking and demeaning someone for being different or having behavior you don't like. Alexis is beyond the word of a true friend. She not going to talk negatively about you to anyone and she is only asking the same from her friendship. Which is why the admonsity between Gretchen and Alexis exist. She defended and was loyal to Gretchen when she was the source of the aggressors. However, when the situation reversed, Gretchen threw bricks at her so hard and sided with the aggressors - no loyality with that girl. Gretchen is in it for the fame and getting to the top and be the HBIC (head b$$$$ in charge). Gretchen claimed she found you judgemental - throwing shade at you - but forgot she not very gracious towards you at the dinner. She forgot that she provided the 1st impression of herself. Oh Lydia, believe what you see the 1st time.

rogee25
rogee25

i like you alot. i think u are adorable! you and your husband are so cute together.

ilovejesus1954
ilovejesus1954

Lydia.....dear sweet Lydia, based on what you wrote above, get away from those toxic women as fast as you can.  Spend your precious time with your friends with similar values.  Why are you even on the show?  Heather clearly admits she hopes being on the show generates more business for her husband.  But why you?  You're sweet and I don't want you to become corrupted by these shallow, narcissistic women.   

DeeDee5304
DeeDee5304

I have been watching RHs/Bravo since inception. I would advise you to be your true authentic self and not side with anybody. I think you should state how you feel and move on with the ladies. I watched WWHL with Andy and his second favorite HW NeNe. She suggested that he recast most of the OC cast. I think if he is going to replace anybody it should be Tamra, Heather and Gretchen. I decided last year was my last year watching, but I had to watch the first episode of Vicki's daughter giving birth.

I watched the clip of you and your mother and it was really nice. The show can chance you, be careful. Tamra, Heather and Gretchen are playing the mean jealous females that act like five year olds. They are in there 30s and 40s and need to stop, it is not attractive. I wish you the best and hopefully you use this show as a platform for something good.

boga
boga

Lydia, watching you interact with your mother made me realize that you’re the Adult Child of Addicts.

That explains a lot. Now I see you in a completely new light and now I understand better yours a bit strange reaction to the craziness at Tamera’s party.

Growing up with abnormal behavior being normal, you learned how to survive in strange circumstances.

You minimize it, try to laugh it off, unconditionally forgive and move on.

You advised Alexis to do the same and were surprised she was making such a big deal out of something that was just a little cuckoo to you. You were surprised she was hurt. You did not hold her hand, did not give her a hug nor show her any compassion.  Now I understand: you never had healthy parents to teach  you how to care in a healthy way for someone you love.

 Being on this show could be a good thing for you… maybe it’ll force you to grow the courage to stand up for yourself.

P.S. I called you Judas last week. I apologize, I was mistaken….I don’t believe anymore that you were throwing Alexis under the bus...your intentions were good, I think.

I like you girl.

 

 

SelaLeah
SelaLeah

All this talk about forgiveness...it seems to me Alexis did forgive, she just hasn't entirely healed.  She said that she sought out therapy, did some soul searching and grew and changed as an individual.  Because Tamra had invited her, she felt the other ladies had moved on as well.  Healing is a process and it is hard to achieve when the ladies continue to attack- like ripping a scab off a wound.

spicej
spicej

Wait, this is a reality show? Well that explains why we never see Jerry Springer. Swear to god - for three years I've been waiting for him to pop out with a microphone and tell me what this white trash roundup is all about. Turn and run Lydia! This is no place for a laid back rich girl with a sassy sense of humor. You're powers are meant for much bigger and waaaaay better things than the likes of these idiots. Seriously, RUN!

litlit2013
litlit2013

Lydia,

i'm so confused on where you stand... you're were throwing Alexin under the bus and it's disgusting.... i'm so over you.. hope this will be the last season for you...

kellyl0718
kellyl0718

Well said Lydia! You're adorable and stay you! I wish you the best!

marge1.
marge1.

You held you own beautifully.  But loose the headband and cut the hair.  You look ridiculous.  Hard to take you seriously, you look like you should be in high school.

giggyvanderpump
giggyvanderpump

Lydia, you are going to find out real quick that Tamara likes NO ONE! Don't waste your time trying to be-friend her, you will only annoy her and give her ammunition to use against you! I believe that your intentions are good for the most part, however, you went about it the wrong way. Some people believe that you can take a nutral stance on everything, but truth is you can't. Nobody likes a fence sitter for a friend, and with you coming on the show in the middle of an awkward situation (to say the least), and going around & trying to amend everything is only adding fuel to the fire that you cannot put out! Best to just pick a friend and give us the viewers another point of interest, like your lovely Mother and her fairy dust for example, who couldn't use some fairy dust? Truthfully, the whole world could use a big dump of it! :)

prov31ruth
prov31ruth

You seem to be very sweet by nature.  I am sure you are trying to navigate the group and get to know everyone.  You seem to aspire to hold to some biblical principles which is great.  I do sense you care a little too much what everyone thinks.  Being a Christian you know that Tamra as well as Gretchen and Heather were way out of control that night at the gym, irregardless of Alexis and her faults.  Besides maybe she is a little braggy and gets defensive with criticism but she is not a serial killer or a mass rapist.  That is how she was treated that night at the gym and all of last season.  The word "bully" has been way too much of a focus.  It does not really even matter (although I think  does apply).  The real point is that there is for sure a more loving way to point out faults to someone.  You should be familiar with the principle in Matthew chapter 18 about a grievance with your brother(or sister).  You are to talk to them alone then if that does not work you take another person (singular) with you.  Then if need be you escalate with a group.  The premise and context here is all of the steps are to be done in love.  There is NO love in intentions of the other women.  Why did you not challenge them about that, in particular Tamra and her endless potty mouth.  The truth is you should have remained silent.  You are right that Alexis should forgive but so should they.  In fact it all just needs to called a wash and everyone should just drop everything.  Everyone including you have dealt with this situation poorly.  Have some guts and stick up to ALL sides and hold by what you know is right.  Tamra will probably not "like" you any more but so what!  Or she might actually like you for being the first one to stand up to her (in love) and not back down just to be liked, she is not as tough as she tries put forward.  When she starts up have a boundary and politely excuse yourself and walk away form her.  She probably won't hear what you said because she is always shouting but that is okay.  If people did that then she would get sick of being alone all the time, she would stop.  I also think that your mom is cute and loving.  Don't lose that side you.   I know it is not easy in the spot light and myself and all of the observers are just as flawed as any of you.  I hope you take this in love.  God Bless.

Robinlynn
Robinlynn

Lydia, you are a fresh addition to the show.  You are doing the right thing by figuring out what is what and who is who on the show.  I love how you stay calm and try to explain your opinions to Alexis as well as the others on what you see and hear.  I'm glad you are trying to know each individual!  Kudos to you!  But as you can see by reading some of your blog's posts, some people are not so nice!  Don't sweat it and keep doing what you are doing!  Also, I love your Mom!  She is a fun Mom!

Ann932dogs
Ann932dogs

I was disappointed at your reaction per Alexis when the other ladies were "bashing" her to you! I think your reaction could have been more loyal, despite that fact that you do not have a long friendship with Alexis. You could have been silent when negative things were said, or you could have said something like" Well, she has only been kind to me this far" and changed the subject. That is what mature adults do! be careful, karma  might come back to bite you! (Your Mother might advise you about that!)

greekgirl
greekgirl

@piperbeau I literally laughed out loud at this!

AddictedToBravo25
AddictedToBravo25

@rosyposy So I guess confetti , rice at weddings, ball games, bubbles , are not allowed in your world either.That 's kind a pitifully sad...

mp.212
mp.212

 @quette432004  Make judgements about someone only based on their first impressions?? Wow, that's only completely twisted and ridiculous.

barruca
barruca

 @boga

 Hmmm that makes a lot of sense...

"You minimize it, try to laugh it off, unconditionally forgive and move on.

You advised Alexis to do the same and were surprised she was making such a big deal out of something that was just a little cuckoo to you. You were surprised she was hurt. You did not hold her hand, did not give her a hug nor show her any compassion."

FlutterBy
FlutterBy

@boga Your analysis is so perfect, while I am not sure she needed to hug it out with Alexis...thats Jims place....it does explain a lot about what we has seen so far...her tolerance is higher than most because she learned to cope....now, we are told that coping skills are a must in order to be well adjusted in this world...so it is definitely an advantage she has over the rest...maybe she won't have as many unresolved issues.....as for her Mom....though maybe not a cookie cutter duplicate of perfection....she might be what this show needed to spark some interest...it has gotten boring...I would love to see her Mom, Judy, sprinkle some good vibe fairy dust on Tamra...and if Tamra tries to repel it, they need to hold her down while Judy stuffs the fairydust in all the orifices of her face...up the nose, in the mouth, even the ears if it will allow Tamra to strike a sincere smile on her face....if I thought it would help, I would wear a ribbony fairy dress, bring a wand and dust the bunch of them with a crop duster plane full of sandy glitter....over te next gathering...don't tempt me

mp.212
mp.212

@SelaLeah well since Alexis Said that she grew and changed as an individual then it Must be true! Really? Let's be honest. Alexis LOVES playing victim because she is insecure, has no pride and soaks up every single tiny bit of sympathy viewers give to her. She KNEW what she was getting herself into going to that party. She wanted there to be drama so she could play victim again. And the crying?? Really? How can you viewers actually have sympathy for someone who KNOWINGLY AND WILLFULLY puts herself into these situations time and time again?? I don't understand it.

piperbeau
piperbeau

 @SelaLeah  Thank you! and I seriously think Alexis has toned sown her chatter!! In can appreciate that! She has learned from her mistakes and moved on! 

judy@london
judy@london

 @marge1.

 Alexis wore a headband last week,I thought she looked ridiculous too.You WERE referring to Alexis,weren't you?LOL

Jodibelle
Jodibelle

 @marge1. I've only seen her wear the headband once, and Lydia's hair is gorgeous.  

DixieDarling
DixieDarling

@marge1. , guess the headband is a style thing. Sometimes it's nice being old and comfy in your own style. LOL then we don't have anymore snap shots to say later,"I can't believe I wore that" LOL

AbbyFarrow
AbbyFarrow

 @prov31ruth

 All the ladies did try with love to tell Alexis how she was portraying herself and that it was reflecting on her negatively. Gretchen had been telling her over and over again, Heather tried also by stating that she liked her and meant no offense with her words, even Tamra tried to tell her without yelling or even cussing. You can only stand so much  bad behavior when dealing with adult women who refuse to see the forest through the tree's.

lovelymimi
lovelymimi

ann932dogs i agree with everything you wrote.

AddictedToBravo25
AddictedToBravo25

@Ann932dogs I disagree. Mature adults have their own mind, their own opinions and are not afraid to voice them Lydia's opinion was that of the other girls. She did also tell Alexis her opinion prior o the meet up with girls. Too much honesty for you I guess. You would rather she played both sides.

Alex163
Alex163

 @Ann932dogs I think she handled it well.  She was honest - she said that Alexis had always been nice to her and she said that she sees contradictions.  She also said (and I'm paraphrasing) that she's not going to dislike someone just because someone else doesn't like them.  If I were her friend and heard her say these things, I wouldn't mind.  She has certainly said these things right to Alexis, so .... as long as she's not being duplicitous I don't really see a problem.

prov31ruth
prov31ruth

 @AbbyFarrow There was no love in Costa Rica, only confrontation and yelling and the dynamic has been the same since that day.  Tamra may start out not cussing but has a very quick default mode to start swearing at the drop of a hat which she did do in Costa Rica.  Also the ladies especially Heather, have the same exact issue that accuse Alexis of having.  When you keep pointing a finger at someone remember you have 3 more pointing back at yourself so speak wisely and humbly if you do speak at all.  Heather is the absolute least of all them on the show to talk about materialism in someone else.   She and Terry bought 2 suits and 1 tuxedo for about $40,000 on national TV last season.  You cannot tell me they could not find good quality for far less money.  Likewise, Lydia and her mother just bought about 3 or 4 shirts or whatever for $2,500 again on TV. Heather has a very uppity attitude and treats her husband very poorly.  Many people have addressed that issue continually in Heather's blog but she continually denies it all and refuses to see the point of many others.  So I really don't what you mean by cannot see the forest through the trees because Heather has the exact same problem.  And so does Tamra and also Gretchen.  Even Lydia.  They all have the same problem which is why they cannot get along.  The truth is that we are all flawed in our own special ways so dealing with someone and their flaws in the harsh manner in which Alexis is treated is never acceptable.  This is not a defense of Alexis, I am pointing out the hypocrisy.  In fact what they do say about Alexis is by in large true but she also has a sweet side (lacking a bit in most of the others) and never intends to cause harm to anyone but is treat like she is some sort of career criminal.

DixieDarling
DixieDarling

@Alex163 @Ann932dogs , sure going to be hard not laughing when she does that underarm think when she drinks. AFLAC spokesperson

Christiann52
Christiann52

 @Esther194    Alexis does not talk over everyone, that would be Tamra, Gretchen & Heather.  With all 3 of them talking at her she's the one who can't get a word in edgewise.  Keeping it real...