This is a tough episode for me to watch. I have been very open about the state of my marriage and how I want more. I want to be on the same team with David -- partners in life. I do not think I am a victim and I do not intend to send that message. I am not blaming my husband for distancing himself from me. In fact, today, I take most of the responsibility it is happening. I thought if I complained enough, that something would finally click within David and he would "see the light" and make our relationship a big priority in his life. It really doesn't make sense that this plan of action would ever get me what I want. You would think that I would have been smarter about things.
David wakes up at 4:30 am every morning so he goes to bed when the kids do, around 8:30 pm. I am a night owl so I usually stay up late at night (and watch my Bravo shows!). Watching the show has knocked sense into me about the clock I need to keep. I am glad that you get to see one of my "A-ha!" moments. It literally hit me in my interview that I need to change my clock as a first step to improving my marriage.
I have 3 best friends; I value my true friendships with them and I really haven't let anyone else in for years. I have become very close to Tamra, however, in an incredibly short amount of time which is very uncharacteristic of me. David also became close to Eddie quickly and we began to do things together socially. When David and I got into a bad argument, it made sense to me that I would approach my new friend to confide in her. I never told her that David and I were splitting up or even discussing it. I never gave her a copy of the email he sent to me. It was never said in the email that David wanted a divorce and I am disappointed that Tamra would even make that inaccurate statement about such a serious topic. You see in the previews that it might not have been the best decision to confide in Tamra.
Moreover, I was disappointed to hear what Tamra said about me at her lunch with Heather. I had been nothing but supportive of her and her continual discussions of her issues with Heather. It has never been and never will be a goal for me to get in "the middle" of any friendship.
I also am frustrated with the drinking comments. While I absolutely enjoy a cocktail, I do not drink vodka straight. Last week you finally see that I order a Grey Goose neat, but also a large sparkling water. I mix the two together. I usually get two to three drinks from my one shot of vodka. Enough about a drinking problem!
And finally, at the point of the luncheon, I have only spoke to the ladies about one thing in my marriage -- that I want more time with my husband. I am far from a "sad soul." All marriages go through rough patches. I am not justifying that it is right to behave inappropriately, but it is a reality that couples argue and things are not always perfect. Resolution of conflicts and communication are factors that define a successful marriage. For better or worse, you are seeing an honest and authentic representation of my marital struggles with David and I hope that some of you can relate and improve upon your relationships as we do with ours.
Stay tuned as I go through more drama than I thought was possible on this show...