A Tirade

'Top Chef's' Brian Malarkey doesn't hold back in his criticism of this week's chefs.

Before you read my mini tirade do know that I am hooked and can’t wait until next week and more importantly for the finals to get rolling.

I love the idea of Top Chef Masters, these well established chefs taking each other on in the high paced and unpredictable challenges that only Top Chef can bring you but I really feel we are falling short on some of the relationship establishments that make Top Chef an Emmy-nominated reality show. It’s the day in and day out of living together, the exhaustion, the relationships, alliances, conflicts, and the grueling schedule that makes Top Chef so fun and fascinating. With Masters I feel they — the “Celebrity/Masters” — are handled with delicate oven mitts rather then the burn you can only get when you have Tom Colicchio and Anthony Bourdain smacking you down on National TV.  Even Kelly Choi’s catchphrase is too kind: “You may leave the kitchen and please pack your knives!” Ouch! She doesn’t even get to have an opinion on the dishes prepared. Even Tom Colicchio who should be competing with his peers shows up for this episode but doesn’t get to judge the food and his commentary is taken over from the likes of Gael Greene, James Oseland, and Jay Rayner whose opinion is about as sparkling as their on-stage presence. Let's just say this group is not to easy on the eyes. So thankful that Gail Simmons was able to pull up a chair to Judges' Table and bring her ever-present charm.

The fact that three contestants get eliminated every week rather then one chef getting all of the attention for failing on a dish or a challenge, come on we watch to see who gets kicked of Top Chef Island and not so much who wins the weekly challenge.   

Yes, I know this is for charity as most of these chefs are financially fat, like a hog on its way to the slaughter house, but come on we need to see more competitive juices boiling.  

Analyzing the Magic Show Episode:


John Besh: He competed on the rival channe'ls Next Iron Chef and did alright so he really had no excuse to fail so miserably on the one-armed egg cookery. Helping Anita Lo was very nice, but would she have done the same for you? I think not.  

Peel’s Pasta was an incredible idea but failed to finish with olive oil.

Anita Lo:  Home run! 5 stars!Elimination:

Anita Lo who was extremely creative and focused. To make the illusion of the scallop was genius. She won this so easily and braising the diakon was risky.  Looking forward to watching her take on the next bracket of Masters. Definitely a cook's chef!

John Besh: Needs to call up my friend Richard Blais and learn something about Liquid Nitrogen because all he made was cold Crème Fraiche and if really thinks he needed 10 minutes to thicken his sorbet with “Ice Liquid” he is completely unknowledgeable with what he was working with. I’ve seen Richard make enough ice cream for a room of 100 in three minutes.  I personally don’t touch the stuff and John should have done the same thing.  Stick with what you know but I guess that didn’t work with the eggs.  Racking up the lowest score of the season places you in the Clay category of my season: hollowed-out apple amuse!

Douglas Rodriguez:  I love fire! Sterno not so much!

Mark Peel: The package didn’t look that impressive but the judges loved the flavor!  I was confused that he left the skin on the fish when he essentially steamed the fish.  

Who’s your favorite so far?

I’m still a huge fan of the Uber Keller!

Best meltdown: Ludo Lefebvre!

Next up: I really enjoyed meeting and eating with Rick Moonen and Michael Chiarello; should provide some great entertainment.

The West is the Best!

Brian Malarkey!

Doogie and card tricks by the likes of Max Maven and his color band of Hocus Pocus!
Do people really live and dress like this? 

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