Cast Blog: #TOPCHEF

Talking Malarkey

Brian Malarkey ranks the remaining contestants.

Oh my how time passes us by...

got back from the Kentucky Derby: We have a Triple Crown threat, go Big Brown and what a great horse we lost in the amazing filly Eight Belles.

Catching up after missing a couple weeks of blogging, lets see, what have I missed?

Jennifer went home to visit Zoi.

Mark, our boy from down under, (what a fun, life loving guy), gets sent home with muddled kiddy budget curry and a feeling that Chef Tom doesn't like him (I know what you feel like, Mark, i.e., all of last season). I'd love to get together for a beer if you ever make it to San Diego.

And finally Nikki gets to go home and tend to her restaurant. I love Dale's quote, "What is she still doing here?" What a great opportunity to take control and run the crew, they were begging you to give them some direction. What's bad? You didn't display your chef skills that have made you a success in your own place and the fact that Lisa and Spike are proving to be the followers time and time again. Reserve a table for two for them because they will be joining you very, very soon. You left with such class and you played a good game -- congratulations!

No Restaurant Wars is a huge disappointment but this proved to be a marathon of endurance and entertainment.

Let's rank the remaining contestants:

Tie for 1st & 2nd: Stephanie and Richard. To take on the wedding cake and to pick the bride, you are both showing so much class as team players and amazing chefs. As much as all the cussing and drama of the other contestants has made our industry look slightly better than a bunch of insecure, untalented, prima donnas, you two make us proud to be chefs and cooks. To share the win or pass on the win was one of the coolest things I've ever seen on TC.

3rd: Antonia. You too are giving us a lot to cheer for; you are finding a nice groove and doing a great job of working with your team. If I can point out one thing: You could have tried to get Andrew to try something other than the crispy chicken (although you probably did, we didn't see it in the editing). Stay strong and have a good time.

4th: Dale. You did bust your ass for your team; I would have hated to be on that team also! Did you handle it properly? Probably not, but use this lesson and get back into it next week. You definitely have the talent to win this thing, now just get your emotions in check and focus on the food. Can't blame you for loosing it a bit, the knife drawn cut you deep.

5th: Andrew. You are a walking quote machine. "Culinary Boner", "I am an Animal, I can go all night" , "Popeye's Wet Dream!" Awesome and hilarious. Unfortunately, you keep saying you don't need Richard to tell you what to do -- it looks like you do. Why in the world would you put the spinach through the meat grinder? It's not wheatgrass, my man. Chop it, season it and serve it. Lets go, Cowboy -- put the boner away, get some rest and quit dreaming about Popeye.

6th: Lisa. Nice work in the relay and in the wedding challenge; you really stepped up in this one and did some nice work. Very courageous to take on the cake and what an exhausting experience to have to deal with Dale and Spike. Are you going to win this thing? I think not, but nice showing.

Bottom: Spike. I don't know what it is.

1) You are wearing a very similar hat to me,

2) You whine so much,

3) You look for direction from NIKKI? NIKKI?

4) You let Dale work circles around you without even try to help out, and

5) you look bad in next week's preview. I'm sure you're a great guy, but I don't like your game.

Tell me if you think I'm on or full of Malarkey.

See you next week!