Cast Blog: #TOPCHEF

Apps, 'Tre 'Tres, and 'Serts

Gail Has No Problem With Blood

Make George's Cravable Breakfast Sausage

Gail Simmons Won't Be Pushed Around

Make Doug's Winning Mussels

Tom Colicchio Answers Your Restaurant Wars Qs

Gail: It Wasn't Keriann's Day

Make Doug's Winning Braised Pork!

Gail: We Had a Tough Job This Week

Make Katsuji's Authentically Delicious Stuffing

Hugh: The Demise of Cornwallis and Aaron

Make Gregory's Winning Dumplings

Richard: Chefs Please Follow Instructions

Richard Tries Money Ball Soup

Make a Home Run-Worthy Popcorn Crème Brule

Hugh: Where There's a Will There's a Fenway

Gail: Keriann and Aaron Were Being ---holes

Make the Winning Surf and Turf

Gail: We're Taking No Prisoners

Richard Goes From Player to Announcer

Tom Talks Boston

Gail: There Was No Season 11 Underdog

Hugh Wants Nick to Be Kind to Himself

Gail: It Was Difficult to Let Go of Shirley

Big Easy to Ocean Breezy

Gail: The Final Four Are Like Our Children

Emeril Is Proud to Serve Shirley's Dish

Hugh: Enough With the Mexican Food Hate

Gail on Favreau, Choi, and Finding Yourself

Hugh on Poor Boys, Swingers and Food Trucks

Emeril: Nick's Choice Is Part of the Game

Nick's License to Immune

Hugh's Sitting on the Dock of the Bay

Hugh Decides Eight Is Enough

Gail Talks OvenGate

Dookie Chase Makes Everybody Cry

Fin, Found, Floundering

What Danny Meyer Taught Gail Simmons

'Top Chef' Goes to Hog Heaven

Gris Gris Boucherie Ya Ya

Brian and Travis' Dud Spuds

Apps, 'Tre 'Tres, and 'Serts

Three houses, three courses, too few winning dishes.

Hello my little deputies. I shall start this week by explaining my title. Well, just Google "Tom Haverford food slang." You're welcome. I almost titled this blog "Jonesin' for Chris" as an ode to Chris Jones, not Crary. Not because I don't like Crary, but because there is a reference to Chris Jones as the "Ugly Chris" in the episode, and that is simply not true. You're beautiful just the way you are, Chris! Keep wearing your ponytails and sunglasses!

On to the episode! The chefs pack up their stuff in San Antonio and head to Dallas, Texas. We learn several things in the car ride. The two nuggets I came away with were: 1) Dakota may have a warrant out for her arrest in Texas. Whoops! 2) Chris Crary lost 70 pounds. Wow. Note to self to ask him how he did that. 

The first nugget wouldn't be that big of a deal if, say, the chefs weren't pulled over by law enforcement, but psych! It's just a Quickfire Challenge. Instead of arrest, the chefs face dreamboats Padma and John Besh. If you're in new Orleans and can afford a fine dining experience, you must visit August. The food is insane.

The chefs are tasked with creating dishes using survival kit ingredients. I have to say the only dish that actually looked like a dish to me was Edward's, so I was  little bummed when he didn't win. He also pulled that one out with a bad back. That must have been painful. I remember Anthony Bourdain saying in one of his books that you shouldn't become a chef if you already have a bad back since it puts so much strain on it. I actually don't think my back could take it! Guess I'll have to stick to homecooking for now. Ultimately, Lindsay's homage to her father's love of Vienna Sausage won. 

The chefs go from rags (survival kits in the middle of a muddy field) to riches (mansions in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in Dallas.) The chefs are told that for their Elimination Challenge they will be catering a progressive party. I had never heard of a progressive party, but seems like something fun if you like your neighbors. My apartment neighbors are elderly yentah, so I don't know if I'd want to get into it with them like that. The chefs are split up into three courses/groups: apps, 'tre 'tres, and 'serts. I wasn't blown away by many of the dishes, I have to say. Although maybe i was too focused on the adorable jokes Gail was making with her over-the-top hosts, or the grumpy looks on Tom's face which cracked me up.

The appetizers seemed to be the strongest course. In fact, Paul won with his Brussels sprouts appetizer. I'm glad Paul won. He is just so adorable and tries so damn hard. And, i love Brussels sprouts. The entrees were all kind of meh, but I did enjoy watching Ty-Lor and Heather cheer each other on. Maybe we referenced their friendship in the premiere, but I couldn't remember. I was excited to learn that they're such good friends. 

The desserts kind of cracked me up. To the chefs' credit they were given direction to think like a fat kid, and, um, with the exception of Edward Lee they did. In fact, Ed's facial expression when given that instruction was so priceless I want dot make a .gif of it. And still might! I'll keep you posted if i get that done. As I said to Gail, the desserts reminded me a lot of Stefan Richter's finale dish and Ilan Hall's gluttony-inspired dish from Season 2. They just made no sense to me. It was sweet upon sweet upon sweet with little balance. I actually had high hopes for Edward's dish, even though he didn't' quite listen to the hosts, but apparently it wasn't executed well. 

And so amongst a bunch of lackluster dishes, Chuy goes home with his salmon and cheese dish. I ddn't make the connection to lox and cream cheese till Gail said it, but for some reason they seem so differen to me. Admittedly, I hate hot salmon (and goat cheese isn't my favorite), but the thought of eating hot fish with goat cheese grossed me out. I was, however, shocked to see Chuy go, in that I thought he'd go much farther in the competiion. Luckily for him, he gets another shot in Last Chance Kitcheb. We'll see how he does.

Until nxt week, Have a Nosh!