Decorating Isn't For Sissies

Jonathan Adler kicks off the season with his witty insider take.

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First things first. How fine are my fellow judges? Those three chicks are ridiculous. They're all mega-talented, accomplished, witty, blah, blah, blah -- all the stuff you want them to be. But, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more importantly, they are insanely unbelievably unfairly GORGEOUS! I am sooooooooo Bosley to their Angels. The real question is: Which girl is which angel? I suppose India is Farrah and Margaret is Jaclyn, but Kelly is hardly Kate. I guess Kelly can be Cheryl but that confuses matters because I don't think that those three were ever Angels together. Oh well, whatever, I'll always be Bosley. As for Todd, he is also all of the above -- talented, accomplished, witty, and gorge, but I don't think he can be one of the Angels and he can't be Charlie. I guess he's more like The Fonz (in My Three Sons clothing), the cool kid with the heart of gold.

Stay tuned as my colleagues' super-fly-ness unfolds over the course of the season.

So, Cycle 2, Episode 1. My first encounter with those crazy contestants was on the Pop Design and I was thrilled and disappointed. Thrilled to see Eddie and Ondine's Pop Design cause they totally rocked it. Eddie's Butler's Pantry concoction was pretty flawless -- sophisticated, intelligent, and gorgeous, and he immediately stood out as one to watch. Ondine's Monkey collage was great in a totally different way. Whereas Eddie's was beautifully composed and chic and polished, Ondine's design was weird and quirky and had an had an undefinable je ne sais quoi that totally won my heart. Loved it. Those were the two best and they filled me with audacious hope for the season.Shazia's Green Apples gave me indigestion.

Here's the thing: For years, Green Apples were a decorator's best friend. Empty bowl? Fill it with Green Apples! Barren table? Strew it with Green Apples. Green Apples, Green Apples, Green Apples! But all good things come to an end and decorators everywhere started to abuse and overuse the power of the Green Apple, and they ruined it for the rest of us Shazia's design, which consisted of a bunch of green apples half-heartedly thrown into a shadow box frame, was the final nail in the Green Apple's coffin. Naughty, naughty, naughty Shazia. Then there was the very difficult loft challenge.

My loft, designed by Eddie, Jennifer, and Natalie was more Golden Girls than Gossip Girl. It felt frumpy and old fashioned (though I j'adored Liberace's little doggie-bed). Margaret's loft totally failed to capture her majestic glamour and zing. India's loft, designed by Andrea, Shazia, and Serge was tragique and so off the mark from her island idyll mandate. The sofa saga was a total bummer and somebody had to go, and it was Serge and that was the right choice. Finally, Kelly's loft was fierce and fantastic and restored my audacious hope.

Best of all: the styling of her dining room table -- flawlessly chic, expertly arranged, and done by Nathan. Thank you, Nathan, you redeemed yourself from the silly subversiveness of your Pop Design disaster and did a divine job.

Anyway, Cycle 2 was super-fun to shoot and I think it's gonna be an inspiring visual feast to watch. Drama, tears, gorgeous interiors, hissy-fits, giggles, creative highs and lows, bitchiness, swanky living rooms, more hissy-fits --TD2 has all the fixins for a fierce reality show. But the extra KAPOW, the special sauce that will make you a TD2 addict, will come from the major TALENT and HARD WORK that goes into making a room pretty. After all, decorating isn't for sissies!

-Jonathan Adler www.jonathanadler.com

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