Gay Pride is one of my favorite days of the year. It's like Christmas or Halloween when you live in West Hollywood. Everyone is celebratory and the energy is positive. If I volunteered to not be on the float at the parade, it meant I could actually go to the parade before work.
I may have had to leave early, but I got to rally with my G.B.F. (gay best friend) and support the LGBT community without wearing white spandex. Score. I also knew that it might add to the positive accord I was trying to build with Lisa if I sucked it up and came to work early. I made money and still had fun, so why not?
I wasn't initially aware that Ariana would be working at SUR after the Pride parade. I don't know if I actually thought I would get answers out of her, but if I wanted the rumors to stop, I felt I had to cut around all of the B.S. and just ask. Her theory on how the rumor got started is delusional. She also isn't in a position to be casting stones, but you'll just have to keep watching to find that out. . .
The text conversations between Tom and Ariana were upsetting to me because one of the rumors I had heard was that they had done something at Coachella. I thought it was ridiculous and didn't really entertain it, but when they were (in my opinion) flirting via text and talking about Coachella, it just made my mind reconsider that rumor.
Watching back, of course I felt extremely stupid and even humiliated breaking down in front of her the way that I did. It had been two years of brushing rumors and my gut feeling about the two of them under the rug. I wanted so badly for it not to be true that I finally just snapped.
Tom is my best friend and the love of my life -- the thought of him being with someone else physically or emotionally pained me more than I can articulate. Of course I didn't want to break up, I wanted him to tell me that it wasn't worth breaking up over. It was passive aggressive and I know he doesn't respond well to that kind of behavior. . .I just didn't know what else to do at that point.
A hard lesson learned is choosing my battles wisely and not reacting emotionally.