The photo shoots for SUR are always fun! We sneak in alcohol (Lisa, I hope you're not reading this) and make it a party. This year was a little different, however, with all of the drama flying around. Watching back I had no idea so many other conversations were happening because I was in my own world. Between Tom and Stassi’s talk and Tom’s conversation with Lisa, it was heartbreaking to watch. Tom was in such deep denial and didn't want to accept the truth. We tried soo hard to make him see these rumors were true, but he didn't want to believe it. Kristen would've taken this to her grave had Jax not saved those texts from her. She didn't want to admit it, but I think she knew deep down that it was the right thing to do so Tom wasn't suffering with the lies anymore. He wanted to believe her so badly he kept coming up with all of these different scenarios that could have happened instead of the truth.
Yes, I am very aware I was with a married man at one point in my life. But what people tend to forget is I didn't cheat on anyone and I never would! He was the one who was married. He was the one who cheated and lied to me and said he was single. I'm so sick of everyone calling me a homewrecker for having an "affair" with a married man. I didn't wreck his home. He did! And I never cheated on anyone! I love Shay with my whole heart and I could never betray him!
I cannot wait to walk down the aisle and become Mrs. Scheana Shay. Just the sound of my new name brings a smile to my face. Wedding planning is going amazingly. I'm having so much fun, I just want it to be July already. But then again I don't because the wedding would be over! I've always wanted a summer wedding and I've also always wanted my aunt to make my wedding gown. She made my mom’s gown and is an amazing designer/seamstress. As fun as it was to go wedding dress shopping and try stuff on with Ariana, I basically just wanted to get an idea of what I wanted my aunt to make for me. Something fitted on the waist and butt with a ruffle train! I definitely need some stretch in the butt so I can twerk on the dance floor, although, I will not be singing at my wedding. Shay is planning a musical surprise for me, but I definitely won't be!
I was so excited for this engagement party! With everything going on with my teeth all year I hadn't wanted to perform. I didn't want to give up on music just because I was having teeth issues though, so I got my butt in the studio, recorded a new song and thought -- what better way to debut it than at a party where all of my friends and family are? I was a little nervous to be dancing on a bar in case I fell off, but I just didn't move around as much as I normally would and gave the best performance I could. I am completely aware I am not a great singer, but I have fun performing and that's what it's all about. I don't care what people say about me. It takes courage to get up in front of tons of people and sing and dance. I have a blast doing it! I know the girls like my new song. They can pretend like they don't like it, but I know Stassi probably paid her 99 cents and didn't illegally download it.
I was definitely worried about drama going down at my party and I honestly didn't know if Tom and Kristen were even going to show up. Tom is one of my closest friends and I really wanted him there, but no one wanted Kristen there. My mom told me if she showed up I needed to be the bigger person and be nice and I did. As messed up as what she did was, part of me still felt bad for her. If Tom was able to forgive Kristen and work past it then there's no reason I can't do that for him.
When Stassi told me Kristen admitted it I was shocked!!! Not shocked it happened because I already believed that to be true, but shocked that she actually admitted it. I didn't really understand at the time why Tom was coming to Kristen's defense, but to each their own. Even though he's messed up before, too, he knew Kristen couldn't face Stassi alone and I thought that was very noble of him to still have her back. I still told him repeatedly that they needed to break up, but he's a grown man and can do as he pleases.
Seeing Jax have absolutely no remorse for what he did to Tom was astonishing! How can you not feel bad for screwing over your best friend? I think deep down he felt bad, but didn't know how to say sorry so he just pretended like he didn't care. Words aren't sufficient enough to apologize to Tom for what he did so I think he just acted like he didn't feel bad or care at all. I know Jax has a heart, he's just bad at showing emotion.
Coming to the end of the night, the fight was insane! I had a feeling something was going to go down but had no idea it would be that crazy. I got thrown into a table and was so scared that my tooth was going to fall out. If I hit my face on the table instead of my shins my tooth would have been knocked out. It wasn't stable in my mouth at all. My legs were cut and bleeding. I was bruised for weeks on my legs and had knots on my shins. It was really scary. I wasn't upset that it happened at my engagement party, I was upset that it happened so close to my face when I was sitting next to Jax.