I was blown away by the wedding venue. I couldn't have been more happy to be a part of such a beautiful occasion. I was pleasantly surprised at how far Scheana and I had come since the beginning of the summer. We had a bit of a tumultuous relationship. When we both decided to bury the hatchet and get along ahead of Miami, I didn't know if it would be the same as it was with us. What happened was not only did we re-kindle our friendship, but Scheana has become of my closest friends. Scheana has a huge heart and became a massive supporter of me and what happened with Tom and I this summer. Since then our friendship has grown, and I'm so thankful for her.
The ceremony was beautiful, and I was fighting tears the whole time--I had to keep my makeup intact, after all. I wasn't aware of any hiccups, and I don't think anyone else was aside from the few that knew the exact details Scheana had planned for. I can't pretend to imagine what it's like planning every details of a wedding and the nerves that come along with it. I don't blame Scheana's inner bridezilla for coming out.
The reception was getting into full swing, and I was having so much fun. Next thing, Tom is pulling me aside to talk. Not that I didn't want to talk to him, but I was still rattled by his lastest confession and didn't want to address any of it on this night. It was already a thorn in the side being at a wedding with my significant other who hasn't made that same commitment on top of the lies and deceit.
Now once he pulled out this box, my heart stopped. Was he going to pull out an engagement ring and propose to me at a wedding? As much as I have dreamed of a proposal, it never took place at someone else's wedding. Well, it was a ring, but it was attached to a necklace. Whomp whomp whoooommpp. Now let me back up for just a minute. In conversations past, Tom and I talked about the idea of wearing rings on a necklace. I scoffed at the idea, as I thought it defeats the purpose and sentiment of a ring. So he knew better. I understand he did put thought into the gift; he knew I love rose gold, and he even had it inscribed with my nickname "Bubba Love." Problem was that it was a ring attached to a string. At this point in our relationship, a ring should have strings attached,not attached to a string. I felt like it was a pacifier without really having to make commitments. I don't know why he couldn't have just given me the ring on its own as a promise that I am the one he wants and he wants to continue working on the relationship and very soon there will be a real proposal with an engagement ring. I remember I kept asking, "Well what does this ring mean?" and he kept replying, "It just means I love you." Which in theory is sweet, but awful timing.
Watching my conversation with Lisa got me choked up. Lisa was concerned that I was settling, and I worried she was right. I had been so patient and understanding with Tom, but did this all come with cost? Was I fooling myself and setting myself up for disappointment? I knew I had to really start thinking about what I need and if I should continue on in a relationship that wasn't headed where I wanted to be.