Tom: Kristen Was Salivating Over the Rumors

Tom gives the scoop on his new gig at Pump and explains why he worries about Kristen's infatuation with Tom Sandoval. 

Everyone looks spritely. Happy to see new relationships flourishing. Lisa is charming as ever, and I got wind that she's opening a new restaurant. I felt like I had a very good chance of getting a bar gig there. I mean, why not? I'm moderately handsome, went to the Tom Sandoval School of Bartending (or was is the Jax Taylor school? I forget.), and have no significant other to have squabbles with in the workplace. Ultimately I think it was my boyish charm that won Lisa over. It's pretty disarming. There were other stipulations: I have to mow her lawn on the weekends for next year or so. No big deal. All joking aside, it's a great pleasure to get to work with Ken and Lisa. They are the real deal. PUMP is magical. So tasteful.

On another note, I was caught off guard with how much pleasure Kristen was taking in stirring up rumors about Tom cheating on Ariana. It's like she was salivating over it. Not a good look. Especially for her boyfriend's consideration. I do understand to an extent where it comes from, though. I worry Ariana will have to deal with passive-aggressive and sometimes not-so-passive guff from Kristen.

Stassi is our third wheel for a few weeks while she looks for a new place for herself and her boyfriend. Katie pretty much drops everything and directs her full attention to help Stassi find a new place. I am there to listen to her gripe and make her delicious Bloody Marys. So many Bloody Marys. She's a real pain in the ass, but we love her. 

Jax is excited about his new nose prospects. We both have foot fetishes, however mine faded many years ago while Jax's is still going strong. Dr. Layke, more like Dr. McDreamy. What a stud.

Stassi keeps talking about how she's grown, but changing the way you dress doesn't translate into growing as a person. I see only cosmetic changes. However, that's not necessarily a bad thing. I like her the way she is.  

Tom, Jax, and I definitely thought we were rockstars in Miami. In regards to these cheating rumors, I'll be the first to extinguish. I was other-worldly drunk whilst down there, but I was with Sandoval the whole time. We were butt buddies. So it's simply not possible.

I go into Scheana's birthday optimistic that there will be no drama. We don't want a repeat of last year. I was a bad boy last year. I am sometimes astonished by Kristen's lack of self-awareness. First impressions of James aren't good. He seems smarmy, but I have to get to know him, I guess. I see Tom and James start to go at it, then I sort of blacked out. I was drunk. 

All Posts About:
Tom Schwartz

You May Also Like...

Recommended by Zergnet