The first episode is the hardest for me, because I was dealing with baggage with Mimi. It's a very intense scene to watch. I was so vulnerable and I felt so much anger. It was difficult for me to share my therapy session. The negativity that occurred in that session was astounding. I had no idea while I was actually in it how angry and frustrated I really was. I struggled with the decision to bring the cameras into the therapy session. But this season, more than anything, I wanted to show a different side of myself -- a more human side. So I made a decision before we started filming that I was going to allow the cameras into more aspects of my life and to also show my internal struggles, my stress and my feelings. Last season, I checked out sometimes. I wasn't comfortable with the cameras; this year I truly am. Also, I really think I can help people by showing these things.
Viewers who watched the premiere on BravoTV.com early have contacted me. I can only tell what the country is feeling by my email and the response I get via email. I was so afraid ...afraid that I was going to look weak and that people were going to attack me for this episode. The opposite has happened. I have so many letters from people who have told me, "Thank you. This really hit home for me. It was really uncomfortable to watch." And so the response was tremendous.
Dr. Shirley didn't seem to be nervous to be on camera. But I'm afraid that she's going to blow up after this show. She's just so good. I told her, "You just wait." She's really strong and she gives guidance and she tells it like it is. There are sessions with her all throughout the season. With Dr. Shirley, we deal with issues that are not all about my relationship but what led me to be in this kind of relationship.