This is my favorite episode to date. I usually receive each episode by FedEx before it airs. It gives us time to process and write these blogs. Normally, I find myself ff'ing through some of the slower bits. Well my friends, not this week. My finger didn't touch the ff button once. I sat solo on my couch...and sobbed. I'm not a very emotional person. I process sadness and loss more internally. Surprised to find myself overcome by the events that transpired; I was touched on many levels. Jackie at the grave with her mom when she said, "Every time I see you I see him". That leveled me. I think many of us can relate to damage from our childhoods. And as we grow and develop and evolve into the people we want to become, it's a tremendous relief to know that we have a huge capacity for forgiveness. I find strength and comfort knowing my parents, although far from perfect, did the best they could. I no longer need to carry around their issues or make excuses for my behavior based on childhood events. It's liberating to take responsibility for who I am and let go. It does not serve any of us to hold on to pain from our past.
I love watching my scenes with Jackie. You can truly see the sweetness between us. Even through my petulant child-like antics there is a genuine affection that always makes me smile. I didn't really want to be left in charge of the gym...let's be honest, I'm not very responsible. I think I was just hoping she'd ask so I could then respond, "Maybe I'm not the best choice." Hee Hee. I do believe in leaving the least responsible in the power seat. It does make one step up and take charge. I think Brian did a great job. He's a natural leader. What can I say about this episode in regards to the Great Doug Blasdell? It's been surreal this season watching his face on my television screen. So full of life, so much strength in him. His body just couldn't fight anymore. I remember sitting in the office when Peeler broke the news of Doug's rapid demise. I recall feeling an array of emotions...denial being the strongest. I'm an eternal optimist, so at that point I thought he could turn it around. That's why I refused to mourn in that scene. Doug hadn't given up so I wasn't going to either.