I can't say I'm not happy that the birthday episode is over.
Jason and I cringed when we watched it. I, of course, had a total breakdown, and, yes, I own all of it. It is no secret that I don't like my birthday, nor do I like attention in that way. That, combined with an overloaded work schedule and sleep deprivation, didn't help any.
I'm a complicated gal, and I own, but don't love, every bit of it. Jason has his way of celebrating birthdays and I respect that. When his 40th comes this year, we will go all out. I don't think he fully understood that I REALLY didn't want bells and whistles. I could never blame him for that. I rarely blame others for things. I beat myself up pretty good for everything.
Anyway, it was so sweet of all of our friends and Jason's family to celebrate with us. Shawn threw a beautiful party, and I'm so grateful to everyone. The truth is, however, that I was happiest and got what I wanted when I got into a bubble bath with my family. My life has gotten so grandiose that I yearn for the little things.
As far as being 40, the number doesn't bother me. But in general, I'm starting to feel older. I'm not sure if it's the grays, or the baby, or seeing Jason's parents and reflecting -- but in general I'm aware of my age. I really do want to try and enjoy life's little moments instead of always being stressed. This will take time and some undoing of things, but as with everything, I will get there.
Thanks for watching. I love and appreciate you all.