Dr. Jackie's Emotional Roller Coaster

This episode of Married to Medicine was a ride of emotions. Friendships are being tested; friendships are being mended, people are facing one's possible mortality, infertility challenges, and then there's Heavenly inviting herself to the panel of Lisa Nicole WEN conference.

Tonight, I continue to struggle with my desire to have a baby. I want so desperately to have my own miracle. I bring little miracles into the world every day, but I am heartbroken that this may never happen for me. I always felt that being diagnosed with breast cancer twice would lessen my chances of adopting a baby. After talking to the adoption consultant, it was reassuring to know that this would not really affect my chances.

One of my biggest fears about adopting is hearing those dreaded words "I want to talk to my REAL mother." I consider myself an extremely strong woman, but that would cut me like a knife. There is a fear of loving and taking care of someone with all your being, while knowing one day they will have a void that you could never fill -- because you are not their biological mother. I remember what that felt like when Krusten would get mad at me and use words like "You aren't my real mom." I want to know what it feels like to hold a little being in your arms for the first time and know no one could take them away.

I appreciate Simone being supporting, even though she is apprehensive about me bringing a baby home to stay. She is willing to play it out to the end. Now Curtis is an entirely different story. How can I convince my husband that I have enough time and love to give to a new baby? He thinks we are too mature; though he can speak for himself. Talking about my infertility and my need to have a baby is a very emotional topic for me.

Simone and Toya's emotional roller coaster started with a misunderstanding and continued because they were too stubborn to acknowledge one another feelings. Toya just wanted to be heard and Simone wanted Toya to listen. After they were able to hear and listen to each other, they were able to restore harmony in their friendship. If we put the same passion into forgiveness as we do being mad, friendships would be a lot easier to mend.

I am so glad that Lisa Nicole got a happy ending with her breast cancer scare. It is so overwhelming when you are staring your own mortality in the face. I remember wondering if I would live to tell my story. Even though she was going through this scary time, she did it with grace and beauty. Remaining selfless and continuing to empower women at the WEN conference.

Dr. Heavenly decided to invite herself to be part of Lisa Nicole panel at the WEN conference. Did I say uninvited? Yes, Dr. Heavenly is a doctor and she owns several businesses, but to insert yourself in Lisa Nicole panel was a bit much. Surely, conference etiquette has to be a covered topic in one of her business books.

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I think the monster of all emotions is the broken friendship between Mariah and Quad. I am not sure what started the demise, but I can tell you this is no small matter. Quad and Mariah managed to remodel the Tranquility Room and turn it to a Chaos Lounge. I sure hope that the forgiveness bug that has managed to bite Simone and Toya and Heavenly and me and will somehow find and attack these two once very close friends.