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Toya on Riptides, Control, and Piranhas

Toya thinks Quad and Mariah are swimming against a riptide and that Jackie needs to stop thinking of babies as trophies.

By Toya Bush-Harris

Riptides and Stinky Piranhas?

How to Watch

Watch Married to Medicine Sundays at 9/8c and streaming next day on Peacock.

They say that if you ever get caught in a rip tide, DO NOT try and fight the current. Swim parallel to the shore, remain calm, and it will pass. Mariah and Quad are swimming in very choppy waters, and the rip tides are aplenty. Though each may think her stroke is mighty, her force is no match for the current that is in opposition. In time, one will tire and sink. The screaming, the lies, the untrustworthiness. . .they will all get the best of her. The disloyalty between friends has the waters churning, and the murky mess has yet to be settled. Quad is going against the rip tide that is Mariah. The question is, "Is she a champion swimmer?"

Yet in the midst of all that was messy that night outside of the Breast Cancer Awareness Fashion Show, Quad's husband offered something serene. He likened Quad to a house, which has the inability to be bulldozed. His metaphor is not to be taken lightly. If Quad is the house, I am the swimmer that let the rip tide run its course. If Mariah continues, she will be left alone in the end.

But isn't that life? Learning how to deal with forces that are seemingly overpowering? It seems that although you feel like you are moving in the right direction, something unforeseen throws you a wrench?

I try my best to keep a positive outlook. But I have to admit that it was difficult this week. Between the government shut down (which greatly delayed our home buying process), and the possibility of losing the money we put down on the house (which we were finally approved for) really took me there. We have to move. . .we need to move. . .NOW! The kids need a better school district as an option, and we need a better community for our family.

Do we keep pushing? Or do we just flow? Should Jackie push? Or just let it go?

This episode also highlights Jackie’s persistent pursuit of parenthood. Really Jackie? Just because you deliver babies, it doesn’t make you a parenting guru. But you can see that now, can't you? You can't just remove the batteries from a baby when you are tired of their crying. JUST LIKE THE LIGHT IN THE FRIDGE -- IT STAYS ON 24/7. And as a stay at home mom, I am ON 24/7.

I wish you could have been a fly on the wall of the Harris household when Ashton was a baby. Every day, for five months, my child screamed for two to three hours. "Rock him, shush him, swaddle him, and give him gripe water," they said. NOTHING worked. Like clockwork, every evening he SCREAMED! Doctors said it was colic. And as soon as I settled into that daily hell, we discovered he had terrible food allergies, and his crying was due to his dairy allergies. So the little bit of dairy I consumed wreaked havoc on his digestive system. Do you think you have ALL the answers? Or the stamina for that?

No hired help will take care of a baby, YOUR baby, with the same care as a MOTHER. Your job, your marriage, your life will completely change. A baby is not a trophy to be put on display as a measure of your "womanhood." It takes work -- a mother's work. My babies are blessings indeed, but they will blow the balance of your life to hell and back if you don't let go of YOUR vice grip of CONTROL. The ebbs and flows of life make it challenging to maintain balance.

Within friendships, I often wonder how much to give and how much is reasonable to accept. Within the dynamics of marriage, balance is also important. During Heavenly's dinner party, she referred to herself many times as an EXPERT. Heavenly often talks about a woman's "place" or "role" in the home. Her yin lacked the yang and everything was just too much. Be careful when judging others, because what goes around can certainly come back around to bite you.


Personally, I just cannot share the intimate details of my marriage. My marriage is sacred. Except, I have to say -- Simone not going down on her husband and her not liking the smell of her vagina on her husband's lips? Now I understand why they only have sex every other month. Ewww! I guess even Mr. Simone doesn't want to see if her piranha bites.

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