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Hi! This week's episode was very hard for me to watch again, because it was an extremely difficult and painful time for me. Things were extremely tense leading up to the Oscars and Taylor and I were not getting along. I went to work everyday with a pit in my stomach, unsure of what I would be walking into and not knowing what I had done wrong on that day. I managed to keep my chin up and went through the days doing the best that I could, but on the day of the Oscars a lot went down and I could no longer hide the stress and upset that had been building for weeks.
First of all, regarding the debacle with Kate B., I did go to her house with extra options. The problem was that none of them seemed to be working on that day because it was cold and the event was taking place near the beach. The dress that was confirmed to be worn had a lining specially made for it and it seemed as if it was a done deal, but anything can change on the day of the event. I brought other options with me, but there were problems with all of them. So when I came back to the house, I was actually pulling options from her upcoming press tour, not from options that I forgot.
By this time, I had traveled with clients and prepared many of them for red carpet appearances. I had handled broken dress zippers minutes before the client was supposed to leave, so I was well aware about preparing for the worst and bringing more options. In the end it all worked out and Kate ended up on the best-dressed list. This brings us to the day of the Oscars. It was such a horrible day and what you are seeing is an extremely small portion of what happened, because the majority of it was not filmed. Rachel and I were supposed to be with Cameron for the entire day to get her ready for the red carpet. I was supposed to be with her from 11am until the time she was to leave for the carpet.
While I was with Cameron, I got a phone call from a client's publicist telling me that I was needed to go to her house immediately to get her ready for an Oscar party. My plan was to go to my next client after Cameron was sorted, however, I was told that I needed to go there right away, I picked up my kit and left. Amidst all of the chaos, I never once thought that Rachel would not have kit supplies with her, so I took my bag with me. Big mistake! I was at a house way up in the hills in Los Angeles and I did not have cell phone service, so I was not getting any messages, emails or phone calls. All of the sudden my phone caught a signal and the messages and emails came funneling in. I began seeing the "9-1-1's" coming from Rachel telling me that she had no kit and there weren't enough shoes and bags.
I called Joey, who was at Rachel's house, and asked him to bring Rachel more shoes and some kit supplies. I was freaking out because I knew Rachel was extremely upset with me. Immediately after the kit crisis, my client's jewelry was not working out with the dress, so I was scrambling to find another available jeweler to bring different options. You can only imagine how difficult it was to find a good piece of jewelry on the day of the Oscars, when every piece is on hold or already being worn by other celebrities. Luckily someone came through with amazing jewels and the look was set.
After being with the client for hours, I was finally able to leave. (There was no need for me to be there that early to get her ready.) On the way back to Rachel's, I was literally shaking and unable to even focus on the road. I called Rachel and I could hear that she was mad at me and I could tell from the sound of Taylor's voice on the phone that she was enjoying that I had messed up. It was very apparent. With all of this stress and knowing that I had ruined the joy of Oscar day for Rachel, I began hysterically crying and had to pull over to the side of the road to call my boyfriend, because he is the one that can bring me back to earth. He always knows that right thing to say and at that moment the only thing I wanted was to hear his voice. Eventually I calmed down and began to make my way back to the studio.
When I pulled up to the house and saw that the camera crew was still there, I did not want to be filmed. I knew that things were going to go down and I was apprehensive about it appearing on TV, however, the cameras followed me and I am glad that they did. The one thing my boyfriend said was that I should try to keep myself from crying, but as you have been seeing on previews since August, I am not able to control myself. As you can imagine, the tension in the house was high. I could tell that Taylor wanted to be in on the action, and judging from the look on her face when I told her that I wanted to speak to Rachel alone, I was right. Once Rachel and I were alone, the tears just started flowing. I was not crying because I wanted to manipulate Rachel and the tears were not a show for the cameras. As you can see, I was trying to hide my face. The weeks of walking on egg shells and trying to put on a brave face had finally got the best of me and I was unable to control all of my bottled up emotions.
To my surprise, Rachel was extremely understanding and comforting. I did not realize that Taylor was roaming around the hall outside the bedroom the whole time we were talking, so when she heard Rachel mention her name, I was surprised when she jumped into our conversation. I am sure many of you are wondering why I did not scream at her or call her a bitch while we were fighting. I believe that when people are looking for a fight, the best way to deal with it is to stay calm. I wanted to remain calm in spite of her anger, but there came a point when I could not listen to her anymore. I got up and left. I was done! As far as I was concerned, she could do everything on her own. So I quit. I didn't think the job was worth the stress and anxiety. Taylor was not interested in seeing me do well, and tt was apparent that she did not have my back. I felt as if no matter how hard I tried or how well I did, I would never be good enough. So I decided to cut my losses.
When I quit, I had actually quit for good. I had a long conversation with my sister whom I love and adore and she agreed with me that the job was not worth it. While I was talking with her, Taylor called. I ignored her phone calls at first, but finally decided to pick up. Our phone conversation lasted about 45 minutes and we covered a lot of ground. On the show it looks as though I agreed to come back to work right away, but that is not the case. I needed Taylor to know how I felt and what the conditions were if I decided to come back to camp Zoe. Obviously, we worked it out.
I am still working with Rachel and Taylor and things are really good. I have had some amazing experiences, including working in London and Tokyo with clients. Taylor and I get along great. We have learned to work together as a team, we count on each other, and I am loving my job! Rachel is amazing boss and teacher and I am so lucky to be working for her. Being a part of this show has been fantastic. I hope you all enjoyed watching us and our daily lives. Thanks for tuning in..... and maybe we will see you again next year. xx