Oh Paul

Oh, Paul.

I suppose I could start and end this blog with that, and I have a feeling all of you would understand. Say it with me -- in half laughter, half did-he-really-just-do-that? Oh, Paul. Right.

In his defense, Paul does have a point. Jackpot does love to spend some "private time" in Paul's closet, and he usually leaves a present of the odorous variety behind. But it's not like I trained Jackpot to do that. I definitely never said “Jackpot, not in Mommy’s closet. Go in Daddy's!" It's more like I just haven't been able to spend a lot of time teaching Jackpot not to do that. I know, I know. I have to discipline him more (Jackpot, not Paul. Then again. . .). Any tips to help me out with him (Jackpot or Paul, take your pick) would be much appreciated. Bear in mind that there are three things you can count on -- death, taxes, and that Jackpot is going to have a mind of his own. The problem is that I'm a little amused by it. He's just so cute, you know? (Jackpot, not Paul. Fine, fine. Paul, too.)

OK, onto the rest. This episode was filled with moments that had me shaking my head and laughing in disbelief when I looked back on it. I have a feeling I know what you all want to ask, so let me just take a second to answer the vital, pressing and life-altering questions that are on your mind.

1) We do actually have steps that lead into and out of our pool. Shocker, I know. I have, in fact, seen Paul use them before. However, for some strange reason every time we get near a pool on this show, he feels the need to demonstrate jumping into a pool while wearing anything other than appropriate pool attire.

2) He does actually own appropriate pool attire.

3) Paul is apparently an exhibitionist.

4) What you didn't see was that earlier that evening was Paul teasing me that I should follow Kyle’s lead and learn how to cook for my husband. What you saw was me suggesting that he take Mauricio’s lead and figure out how to get a six-pack for his wife.

5) Boys will be boys, and I’m glad that Brandi's son decided to christen the hedges as opposed to the pool in his dire moment of need. As a mom of three boys, you learn to appreciate the lesser of all evils, so to speak.

6) Bernie is still miffed that Giggy had been drinking out of the wine glasses at a dinner he took a lot of pains to prepare, but he shouldn't have said what he said. In all truth, I don't really tolerate anyone in my household being snarky, and I should have stepped in. That being said, Bernie makes really amazing red velvet cupcakes. You do the math.

7) I don't own $25,000 sunglasses. I have three little boys who think that everything can be tossed through the basketball hoop. So if you do the math again, it's rather obvious they would turn those sunglasses into $25,000 worth of dust pretty quickly.

8) I tend to use the anatomically correct word when describing body parts.

9) I did buy Jackpot many chew toys, including furry ones, so that he would stop using Visco's tail for his own amusement. He isn’t biting. Literally. Instead, he continues to pounce on his brother’s rear pastern, hock, and tail. (See what I did there? Anatomical words.)

10) I don't have gravel on my driveway. Kyle is absolutely right, it ruins your shoes. And anything that ruins my stilettos is a no-no around my house -- except for Jackpot. He chews on my shoes and he can stay. (For the record, buying your dog furry toys shaped like shoes that have labels on them such as "Jimmy Chew" and "Manolo Barknik" does not actually discourage your dog from chewing on the real thing. Just in case you were wondering.)

Glad it was a lighter episode this week. I think we all needed it. Hope you laughed a little as well.

Now if you'll excuse me, I see Jackpot heading for Paul's closet again, and I think I might just be able to interrupt his gift-giving activities. We are working with a trainer now, and apparently I’m supposed to catch him before he goes.

Wish me luck!

Love you all!

XOXO,
Adrienne (@AdrienneMaloof)