Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave: I Am Not Morphing Into Kyle

The Tale of InebriaTeddi

I was drunk. Oh well.

JUST KIDDING. We all know I am going to have a lot to say and beat myself up over this. So let's get to it, shall we!

This is the episode I've been dreading all season, mostly because I wasn't too sure of what happened. And now that we've seen it—phew. That was something.

My command of the English language apparently doesn't get any better when I'm plied with rosé as I request we do "interpretations" of each other. But doing these impressions shows how much we've gelled as a group—able to make fun of each other and laugh it off. It's a hilarious good time. 

By the time we're at dinner I'm three sheets, four duvets, and 10 pillowcases to the wind. That is not an excuse for any behavior, just the truth.

Kyle and I have a moment at dinner where we open up about how we've become so close. No, as Dorit says, I am not morphing into Kyle. First, I am not flexible enough to do a full split. Second, she truly understands me and, like I say, I feel safe with her. That I can be myself without judgment. I'm not going to downplay that we've become such great friends, nor am I going to apologize for it.

But then Kyle and I have a different kind of moment when we both again harp on about the Rinna Jayne thing. It's tedious, and I know it watching back. I think it's what Rinna is trying to explain—that I have other things I'm trying to get at but am not properly expressing. And so when Erika finally gives up and leaves the table (I don't blame her), I fully break down.

When I say I don't want to be the moral compass for the group, I'm meaning that as an accountability coach I feel as if any little misstep I may make will be thrown in my face. From Dorit to Camille to LVP, there has been a pattern of throwing my business in my face any time I'm being pointed out for something. Taking accountability doesn't mean you're perfect, it means accepting culpability for your actions. So of course my guard goes up when my business, something I'm so proud of, is used against me. I know it's an extra pressure I put on myself and need to work on.

Therapist Rinna (surprised I haven't received a bill) also gets to the root of the issue with me and Erika—I put her feelings on me. So when Erika wasn't in the best mood at breakfast, I immediately make it about me, instead of just letting her have her moment and not absorbing that. 

The rest of the evening is just a Teddi-ous mess. But as embarrassing as I was, I can actually learn a bit about myself. I try way too hard to be in control of everything, and I need to loosen up a bit. I don't need to be the authority on everything. So Kyle had to help me up the stairs. I'm learning that's okay. I wish I was that person who could be a hot mess, wake up the next morning, and chuckle about it over coffee. But that just isn't the case, in my own interpretation. 

XO Teddi