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Rice to Riches

Episode 2:'s Associate Editor was a big fan of all the alternative methods of attracting marriage.

By Andrew Herrmann

Miami is a place full of magic. It is a place where you can get a pheromone-inducing rose petal massage, find love through a rice-throwing ritual, and through the wonders of modern technology discern whether your boyfriend is texting other ladies. So let us dive into this week's episode and see what my sixth Housewives sense tells us is to come.

Karent's looking to get married, and Rodolfo wants to talk about anything other than marriage. Never the best situation to be in, but Karent's got some tricks up her sleeve. And one of those tricks involve a "massage" that consists of getting slathered in honey and having someone strategically place rose petals on your body.

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I couldn't help but wonder whether Karent had gotten to the masseuses beforehand to not so subtly mention that it ups your libido and after this "you need to get married." Rodolfo's response is to notice all the roses in the room.

Prediction: Karent's determination and willingness to explore unconventional seduction options leads me to believe she'll eventually get that ring from Rodolfo.Lisa decides it's time to give Lenny's office an extreme Lisa makeover. And by that I mean she wants to put pictures of herself EVERYWHERE, so that any lady looking to get their boobs examined by her husband knows he's off the market. I especially loved the placement of there wedding photo on his desk facing prospective patients.

What Lisa may not have realized is that all these women's do not have perfect breasts. That's why they're coming to Lenny. So how could anyone ever compete with Lisa's cleavage AKA his finest creation?

Prediction: I'm guessing the photos (at least some) have come down, and that Lisa really has nothing to worry about.

So the awkward part about having your sister live with you is clearly unexpected nudity. Romain flashes his "ding dong and his forest" to Marta accidentally and she flees in terror. Understandable, because seeing your siblings significant other naked? Bleh. But now I think we can say definitively that Joanna and Romain may be the hottest couple ever seen on a Housewives show (or probably any show ever).

The thing I don't understand -- how do they not have an active sex life? Look at them!

Prediction: Romain seemed a little too comfortable flashing Marta. I'm thinking we'll be seeing more nudity at some point.Is Adriana going to marry Fredric? It looks iffy. She's not wearing her engagement ring when she checks out yachts with Lisa. Elsa picks up on some hesitant vibes from Adriana, and I'm with Elsa on this one. When you're hoping that yacht remodeling will hold of your marriage, you're probably not that attached to the idea.

This did also lead to some wonderful Elsa wisdom when Adriana said she didn't want to depend on a man: "What you have to do is learn to put your head in the right pillow honey. And the right pillow is the one that is full of money." No scrubs for Elsa!

Prediction: Seems that Fredric's got a long wait ahead of him before Adriana is ready to walk down the aisle.

I love a good Elsa energy ritual. Last week we had her energy box, this week we get to witness her bad energy cleansing ritual. Elsa swings by Marysol's office to rid her of the bad juju from the Smith and Wollensky party (although really I think it's Elsa who needs some good vibes after the fainting incident). So armed with some rice and a perfume spritzer, Elsa throws and sprays the office (staff included) with her cleansing supplies. Single ladies take note -- the key to finding your husband is to have someone (preferably Elsa) throw rice at you.

Elsa Makes Sure Marysol is Clean

Prediction: I'm hoping we get some new Elsa energy tip each week.Is Ana texting Rodolfo? Is Rodolfo texting Ana? It seemed that when Adriana brought Karent and Ana together a conclusion would be reached. Nope! Instead we've only added some Valentine's Day Facebook posts to sordid the list. My question is, since Ana already has a boyfriend, who cares? Everyone should just cease and desist on the texting.

Lea however had my favorite response to the whole business -- saying that Romain has been texting her for years.
He Text, She Text

Prediction: This is not the last we will hear of Textgate.Next week we finally get to go to Romain's nightclub, Mynt! But Adriana's flirtatious ways are going to get her (and Romain) in big trouble with Joanna...
Adriana Doesn't Hide Her Flirting
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