Holy Hair Weave

Holy Hair Weave

Alex talks weave pulls, law school drama, the magic (and mayhem) of reality TV, and more.


I need a glass of red wine before I can even begin writing this blog. Chianti is appropriate, I think, because if things get any more heated we're going to need a side order of fava beans and someone's liver to go with that. Oh my Jersey girls ... what is going ON? Holy hair-weave-on-a-head. Well, off a head, as it turns out. WOW. I was with Caroline, Teresa and Jacqueline earlier this week and because my blog was an episode behind didn't discuss any of this, but I have to say my jaw was on the floor in places. But before we get to the hair pulling...

Caroline is in such pain with Albie's law school situation, and I understand that completely. If it were one of my sons, I’d want to sue the school. Why wasn't he able to get the support he needed for his learning disability? Clearly at least one person at the school knew he needed it. If, with services, grades didn’t improve, that's one thing. If no help was available, that’s another. Given that assistance was available but Albie was not able to receive it, there’s no opportunity for improvement and that isn’t fair. Part of me wants to say more about this but I’m going to hold off for now. One thing I will say though, is that the tenacity Albie has displayed in working through this is a good quality to have if you’re a lawyer.

What the heck happened in Posche? Sidebar, can I just say that every time I type that I mistype Porsche? Is that meant to be subliminal? She doesn't sell cars. Anyway....Danielle walked into the boutique and didn't recognize the girl behind the desk. Here's what we don't know – how long she stood there while the girl was on the phone. Here’s what we do know – Danielle slapped her bag down on the counter and looked impatient. I've answered my share of phones at various college jobs, and if someone slapped their bag on the desk in a huff and it wasn't Hillary Clinton or Isaac Mizrahi, bag slapping would not make me get off the phone faster. If someone is on the phone and signals to you that they'll be with you in a moment, that doesn't automatically make them rude or disrespectful. That makes them a multitasker. In Danielle's world, multitasking is apparently offensive.

Here's my favorite moment of episode 9 – the 6,000 expressions crossing Albert's face when Caroline asked him to retire. When you get a reaction like that, it's reality TV magic, and when they went out to dinner, I understood completely Caroline's rationale that she wouldn't cancel plans with her husband to get involved in nonsense. That's why I always had Simon with me in season one! Speaking of Caroline, I was really proud that she had an open mind about the Posche fashion show and suggested that the girls go ahead and attend. It would be nice if all the girls could be at an event and smile, nod and walk away. Of course then they wouldn’t want to film it.


Back to Danielle, I don’t know how long she and Kim D have been friends, but does she really think that Teresa and Jacqueline would choose to spend time with Kim just to needle her? Clearly these mothers of babies have nothing better to do with their time than figure out who the friends are of a woman they don’t like, and befriend them. That makes perfect sense to me. Pardon me – we interrupt this blog because I've just realized that all the BFFs of my least favorite RHONY cast members need to come to dinner at my house. I need to excuse myself to do a little Googling and speed dialing. Oy.

The fashion show quickly became a sideshow as Danielle played the "I’m ignoring you" game, while Jacqueline and Teresa tried to actually ignore her. Personally, I think calling someone a coke whore is beyond inappropriate, as is pretending to be on your cell phone. Just because Paris Hilton does something doesn’t make it hot.

Danielle really made me want to jump through the TV and scream at her when she looked straight to camera and went after Jacqueline's parenting skills. Why was she so nasty? Did I miss something? I could feel for the first time how the other girls must feel when they are pushed past the point of no return with her. Of course now that I've written that I guess I'd better watch my back – though we really do try to use our words in NY so all should be well – I’ll take my own advice from Chapter 8, Don’t Listen to the Well-Meaning Morons (even if they’re not well-meaning – a new subtitle just for this occasion.)

What can I say about what happened next? Yes, Teresa had to know that waiting for Danielle was going to start something...BUT, I understand why she did. Yes, I can understand how the snark about foreclosure incensed Teresa, and how it escalated. I thought Danielle was a little OTT with the running down the hallway crying; she wasn't being pursued by wolves. How did Ashley think her mom was being attacked? I have to say I didn’t completely buy her rationale, but that could be a result of the way the episode was cut – we didn’t see why Ashley thought that.


In the aftermath, after the police were called, the Bentley returned and the drama contained, the flip-flopping Kim G. met with Danielle to eat something yellow and alarming, and be a shoulder to her. OK, I understand that Kim is trying to be friendly with everyone. It's not working; she's coming across wishy-washy. I also understand that Danielle is going on the emotional roller coaster ride of her life. Danielle thinks everyone is out to get her, and regardless of whether the rest of the world believes that's true or false, that's how she feels. If someone thinks you are trying to kill them, telling them you aren’t will not change their mind – we lived thorough that on our show too. Sadly, Ashley fed right into that by grabbing the hair extensions. Perhaps, if Danielle presses charges that might give Ashley a wakeup call? If that happens, and if Ashley does learn, that's a way to bring something positive out of a negative situation, however bizarre it may seem.

The energist called Danielle, then Jacqueline, who played the energist by playing a game on her phone. I guess the energist wasn't tapping into her psychic side as she didn't realize Jacqueline was less than enthusiastic. I do have to say that for me, saying, "No, thank you," and hanging up would be been a more direct way to handle the situation.

Teresa came clean with Joe, she had her whine, they then had wine and laughed. What bothered me about Ashley is that she didn't seem to understand the gravity of what she’d done, and didn't seem to want to take responsibility for it. Chris and Jacqueline tried hard to get through to her, the baby looked worried and Ashley looked defiant. I really hope for her sake that has changed, and we'll see how it plays out.

See you next week! I can’t wait to see what happens next – in the meantime Simon and I will be in Asbury Park, NJ on July 24th for a book signing and appearance – come out and see us if you can manage the heat!

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