This is going to be an edge-of-your-seat season. Ten for ten. There is so much going on in my life but I will begin at the beginning. If you didn’t blink, you might have seen me running along the river and then there I was—WORKING OUT!!!! You’re probably thinking, Huh? Yup, I’m running the NYC marathon. This is the year of setting goals and healthy boundaries. Fun stuff.
Speaking of running, there is a running theme this season about my clothes. Bethenny, it seems, is oddly fixated on my outfits. It starts right here in episode one and doesn’t let up until the finale. Wait for it.
This year for Halloween I opted out of my usual slutty lingerie/push-up bra/stiletto costume for the more conservative Amelia Earhart ensemble. And no, it wasn’t a safari suit, rather it was a genuine Air Force jumpsuit given to me by the U.S. Air Force when I went with a Charlestown-based unit to Afghanistan in 2001.
I was an honorary member for the flight over in a C-130 cargo plane. It was a memorable trip marked by a midnight midair re-fueling over Turkmenistan (most intense moment of my life) and made even more special given the co-pilot was a kick-ass female Air Force pilot. She was twenty-three years old. What were you doing at 23?!? I was delivering coffee at ABC News.
Ohhhh Luann, my love…. When we first met, five years ago, I thought you were so pretty, and tall. You bought me an elephant ring for no reason and that was sweet. (If I could find it I’d sell it in my Poshmark Store for Good Causes!) But then one night you made war whooping noises and scalping jokes over dinner at Le Cirque. Sonja too. Remember? I was disheartened. At the time I was naively shocked by the antics. I’ve since gotten to know you and honestly think you are without guile or harm. I honestly think you are just a tiny bit tone deaf. xo, C.
Luann and I always get into something…we have a hate/love relationship. I say it that way intentionally, as we start off the year the former and end with the latter. What would a season be if she were not condescending to me and I insulting back? This is our dance each year. Yes, she got married and divorced in less time it took me to finish the marathon. And yes, we did not text much over the summer.
But, wait, rewind…did I hear that right? Her best friend Sonja Morgan texted, Oh Gawd… what, that’s it? Exactly two more words than I texted? Had I known that, I would have texted the thumbs up emoji. Another thing, not only did I not hear a peep from my pal Luann when Adam and I parted ways over the summer….what did she do instead? She gossiped about Adam to Dorinda and it got into the tabloids. Thanks Lu!!! The one place I’d rather not be which is ironic given my current profession. Oh Gawd…
Stay tuned next week and see me run for my life…..literally. I am raising money for a charity close to my heart. The North Shore Animal Shelter. So if you’re inclined to give $5 or $10 it would be greatly appreciated!!