Crazy Old Whore

Hi everybody!
Thanks again for all your great comments. I love, love, love them! It is super hard writing about people once you’ve met them and like them, but I’m doing the best I can to be objective.

I think Jill Zarin is super sweet, but what I see on TV is not the Jill I know. I don’t know if she acts different around people she doesn’t like, if she’s gotten a really shitty edit this year, or what, but I’m feeling the same way you guys are when I watch the show. Jill is not having a nice season.

Kelly is also a really great person and a great mom, and I think if all of you met her, you’d really like her too. Even though she can be ditzy and maybe not serious enough, she is at least self-aware. Like at the Brooklyn Fashion Show. Just when I couldn’t stand her man shoulders one more second, she commented on how she never wears strapless dresses because they make her look like a linebacker. Then she said the yellow dress made her look like Big Bird. You have to give her points for at least being honest with herself. And I thought it was very nice that she wore what they gave her anyway, didn’t act like a diva, and was a good sport. You could see she just took the show as a fun night out with her daughters.

You know who I don’t know though? Sonja. I've never met her, and she’s newer than me, so she hasn’t said nasty things about me (yet) so I can’t possibly be biased against her, right? I’m just going to watch and judge. (Isn’t that Bravo’s tagline? Watch And Judge?) And here’s what I think: Crazy Old Whore.

She bragged about how much she loves sex, how much she has sex, how many young guys she has sex with… I’m not buying it. First, let’s look at the facts. She’s not married, so all that screwing around does make her a whore. Secondly, she has a 9-year-old daughter, whom I’m assuming has heard of TV. How very Danielle of her to brag about being a whore on a show that will eventually show her daughter with her.

Thirdly, she’s too old to be screwing around like that. She’s not even a cougar; she’s like a cougar’s mom. And finally, she was married for 10 years to a guy who was 77 when they got divorced (I had to look him up, it was killing me). Don’t act like you’re all sensual and into sex when you married your grandpa. Bitch.

The good thing about Sonja was that watching her made me realize how much I love watching the other ladies. When Jill and Bobby came on after her, I practically cried with relief. Wasn’t Bobby sweet? Even he wants Jill to make up with Bethenny.

Mario was also very sweet with Ramona. (I have met him and I’ll tell you, he’s very handsome in person and he speaks flawless Italian…) It was kind of awkward watching her try to seduce him, but then again, watching Ramona do anything is awkward.

Which reminds me: the Brooklyn Fashion Show. How horribly awkward was that whole thing? It was so bad, it made Sheree’s first fashion show—the one with NO CLOTHES—look like a dream. It was just sad. From the trash outside to the crooked curtains to the bad, bad hairstyles. The best part was Ramona’s Alien Walk. I was dying laughing.

Finally, we find out Bethenny is pregnant. We all knew already, but how we found out was quite a surprise. I was a little grossed out seeing the pee stick on the counter in all those commercials, but I did not think we’d actually see her pee on the stick. Bethenny’s bony butt on the toilet was something I could have done without seeing.

There was something kind of sad about the whole scene. First, Bethenny seemed like a bad actress when she found out. Then she sat on the floor and made all these phone calls to voicemail. She couldn’t get a single friend on the phone? I don’t know who that Stephanie is, but she needs a new “best friend.” I feel bad she doesn’t have anyone to scream and get excited with, and instead has a friend who's telling her, "You just live.” Maybe Bethenny needs to come to Jersey and hang out with me and my girls. We’ll get excited for her. It’s nothing but excitement in our house. Right, moms?