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Lost in the Chatter

Alex attempts to make sense of the first part of the reunion and the "special rules" the brunettes have.

By Alex McCord

Whoooa, I watched this part of the reunion with my jaw on the desk, even though I knew what was coming because I was there. . .

How to Watch

Watch The Real Housewives of New York City on Peacock and catch up on the Bravo app

There were multiple times tonight where all seven of us, plus Andy, were talking over each other, and a couple of things got lost in the chatter. When Cindy got huffy at Sonja about Quogue, I reminded her of her attitude about Governors Island, a trip of seven minutes vs. an hour.

Also two points to clarify over the Marriage Equality march. Number 1: I don't think that the RHONY fight helped pass the bill -- as I said, it was a shame that on a day about LGBT marriage, three straight people were arguing. I do think that 40 minutes of primetime TV for a civil rights issue is good for awareness despite the drama. Number 2: While it’s true that there were last minute shenanigans at midnight before the march, they were not to do with the invitation. It was online for a good month before the march, and still is. No last minute add-ons there; once up, it was never edited. Regardless, Sonja and I got through the drama and that’s a good thing. What really matters is that as of yesterday, our LGBT brothers and sisters can legally get married in New York State and I am thrilled. 44 states and immigration benefits left to go.

The "not the time, not the place" montage had me giggling -- priceless. I smell a drinking game phrase for all future Housewives episodes, a bonus to whatever the secret word happens to be. Kind of like punching your brother when you see a silver VW on a road trip.

I’m amazed that LuAnn always looks shocked when people point out that she is often less than gracious and kind to many of us. Either she has memory loss issues, doesn’t watch the show, or has rose-colored glasses on when watching herself on television. Possibly all three? And we haven’t even gotten to Morocco or our coffee date with Herman Munster yet.

Kelly was a study in contradictions tonight. She mentioned that Cosmopolitan listed her as one of the Top 5 nicest celebrities. She is rarely what I’d call “nice” to me, and over lunch she told me she was not a celebrity. After the reunion taping I decided to go find the list, if for no other reason than to see who else was on it. That list is not online, though I did not go so far as to call or email the magazine; my search was limited to Google. Maybe she meant that she was in the nice column on Santa’s list, and wants a subscription to Cosmo in her Christmas stocking.

Nevertheless, tonight Kelly seemed to be determined to prove that she was not, in fact, the voice of reason. 

I do think that Cindy needs to lighten up. If she had said “I was terrified to jump into this piranha tank and didn’t know how to navigate my first season on a reality show,” I’d have hugged her. Instead, she got angrier, and I told her she needed to get laid. Oh well.

When we talked about work and conference call etiquette, I mentioned I designed a store over filming without taking business calls during dates with the ladies. With everything else going on in life, I still manage to do some retail design! I designed a new cash wrap, and supervised the build out of a dedicated vendor area for Willoughbys Camera. You can see a clip of the launch party here where the CEO has some advice for Ramona.

Sonja really opened up about her financial and marital issues, and I felt for her. It’s funny how that goes -- if LuAnn dropped her attitude we’d all feel for her too.

Jill contradicted herself quite a bit tonight. She told me to butt out constantly, yet you see her screaming at Ramona on LuAnn's behalf. Apparently butting in is only OK if the brunettes do it, and they have their own special set of rules for me. Same with men and women disagreeing. Jill was quick to judge Simon yet his voice was no louder than mine at the MENY march. By the special brunette rules men and women aren't supposed to talk unless they are married. Aren't we in the 21st century? Wait, only 25 percent of the other couch is married. Maybe that's why. Finally, I learned from Jill tonight that name-calling is OK if it's at the beginning of the season. Do you understand that logic? I don't.

Those of you who follow Simon and me on Twitter and Facebook probably know that we just got back from Egypt, and we’ll tell you more about that next week. In the meantime, we played tourist for a day and here are the pics. As soon as I get around to it, I’m going to post an awesome tribute performance of Simon’s single "I Am Real" that our cheeky little chums filmed while we were away. They may have used the Thug in a Club Mix; I have to listen again. Special thanks to those who helped me on reunion day are here.

See you next Monday! (No, not Tuesday, although we do discuss that too.)

Until then. . .

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