Heather: I Don't Apologize for Being a Boss

Back to the ranch, but not out of the woods yet!

"I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure, which is: 'Try to please everybody.'" —Herbert Swope

I never thought I would say this but, I'm happy I'm drunk. What started with Kristen and I throwing back a few at lunch to calm the leftover reverb of a harrowing experience on that cliff, has somehow turned into me getting hollered at -- and it ain't my kind-a holla! We are both beer buzzin now, and I'm not mad Kristen turned into Geocaching Jane. I didn't want to play. I was happy just messin' in the woods and being silly. I'm hanging not realizing you need at least six players to play? Cause you don't. You can geocach with as little as one!

I am sorry to realize Kristen is not having a good time, but I'm not sure what else I can do about it. I've supported her in every way I can. First, lining up happily for the trip to begin with, then supporting her decisions throughout the trip, and showing up at every activity and event with bells-on! Just because I didn't feel like geo-chasing some buried box, I was still there -- enjoying the outdoors and a carefree moment not bothering anyone (except Kristen apparently). And if that makes me a bossy pants? Well, then I'm a bossy pants -- however little sense that makes to me. And she's just a-beer-buzz-killing little tracker, but I can chalk it up to misguided anger. It's not a big deal.

I'm just happy to be back at the ranch and to see Ramona, of all people, with a fresh cold beer and a warm welcome. Why stop now? We are on vacation in the middle of the countryside! Radz is off to check-on Kristen, and I'm thinking a little cool down before venturing into the wild and into further isolation with her might be a good thing! I'm sure she'll come around. . .I did pick up this buzz WITH Kristen after all and maybe a little time apart will put us back together again.

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot do." -- Eleanor Roosevelt

The "glamping" tents are warm and lovely, but the chill I'm getting from Kristen is cold. The change of scenery has done nothing to change her mood. For me -- it's over. We've packed up and moved on, but Kristen is stuck. Stuck on that cliff, and stuck in unhappy. I rib her to trying to break the ice but no such luck. Maybe if I try another elixir it will help numb the chill I'm getting from her? I'm not entirely sure of what I've done? I'm tired of the kvetching, at every turn on this trip and now I am dragging from a day of drinking, that started off fun, but has ended so poorly. Maybe if I switch to wine the sugar will be a pick me up? All I know is that I'm stuck now too. Stuck in further isolation with a friend who got me here in the first place who's now done nothing but throw me shade. I just want to get through this dinner, (if I can find the tent!?!), and go sleep this whole thing off. But there's no shot at keeping things moving. Kristen is still harping on me and it's becoming a joke at this point. The sugar in the wine is working and I'm up and rolling with the silliness of it all, but then here comes a jab about me bossing Carole around and then the right hook at my relationship with my husband and how I boss him around. There is nothing like a good jab to sober you up and she's finally got my attention. Don't I WISH I could boss Jon around! Ha! What the hell is wrong with her?

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"No man is good enough to govern another man without that other's consent." —Abraham Lincoln

I am an energetic, enthusiastic person. I like to initiate things and make things happen, which sometimes can make me a better player than a spectator. I do have a need for excitement, and it pushes me into new territories and makes me an action oriented person. I don't shy away from taking risks and I do love a good adrenaline rush. And when the going gets tough, I get going -- which folks can take as being bossy. I am an Aries. I am a leader. And I am the Boss. And I don't apologize for it. Being a leader takes vision. Being the boss means defining and exhibiting moral and ethical courage and setting an example, but it also forces you to analyze your own strengths and weaknesses, and enables you to develop a good sense of reality.

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right–for you’ll be criticized anyway." -- Eleanor Roosevelt

Ramona just loves a good bone to chew on. She has no case against my husband. Jon has never taken an opportunity to get to know Ramona because he's seen enough. It's amazing to me, women in glass houses throwing stones at one another. While Ramona delights in her own opinion that Mario can light up a room, I can delight in a sound and dedicated marriage built on love and trust and admiration. While I know Kristen doesn't agree with Ramona, who is the first one to throw darts at Josh, not saying anything makes it worse. My relationship with my husband is one of the things I am most proud of in my life. That, and the two beautiful children we made together. Jon and I are a team. We've built a wonderful life together and we've worked very hard for everything we've built together -- he is my rock. Jon and I have faced some pretty big challenges early on in our marriage that had every ingredient to tear it down. But instead, our struggles have brought us closer. In our 11 years of marriage, our relationship has grown stronger with every year. We navigate our lives together, recognizing our individual strengths, helping to balance each other's individual weaknesses, celebrating our accomplishments and learning from the difficulties. And what I know for certain, above the jabs and beneath the hating, is that I am the luckiest girl in the world to be loved by him.

"And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." —John Lennon and Paul McCartney

If a nerve has been struck with me that cries foul, I will not think twice before being confrontational, asking pointed questions that can potentially harm a relationship, or electing that people own accountability for their actions. I do it from a very honest and passionate place. My heroes stand up for what they believe in, and I am passionate about what I believe in -- which I realize can sometimes make me insensitive of other's emotions or make me look arrogant. Arrogant I am not. Stubborn however, when I believe I am right, I am. But a loving, supportive and honest friend, I am more. . .Hard shell, soft center.

"A good leader is a person who takes a little more than his share of the blame and a little less than his share of the credit." -- John Maxwell

Tune in next week to see what other challenges and new adventures lie before us on RHONY!

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